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which_chickSo I've been seeing some stuff about mass deportations of illegal immigrants under the incoming administration. I have some questions about how all of that's going to work, but I must admit that I am kinda on board with removing illegal immigrants from our country.
I'm with Trump when he says that we have no need of all the criminals and drug addicts and rapists and stuff who are coming across the border to get our welfare and drop their babies on American soil to anchor them in our country. My problem with the mass deportation thing is that I don't want to spend a fortune on the project. I mean, it's not OUR fault that they're here and I don't think that we should have to pay to get rid of them.
Look, the economy's shitty enough without us having to spend a gazillion dollars to get rid of people who shouldn't even be in this country. But, I am pretty sure I have figured out how we can get rid of people who don't belong here and make them pay us for doing it. It'll also secure our borders for the future.
Now, this may sound a little innovative, but we have to approach problems from a fresh perspective in order to Make America Great Again. The traditional way of dealing with illegal immigrants has not done shit. I'm sure you've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. (Like the Dems just running another whiny bitch for president for Trump to beat, lol. Wankers.) So, hear me out, because while this is a different approach, it all hangs together pretty well and should be entirely self-financing while providing some exciting new business opportunities to the unindustrialized southern states at the same time.
First, I expect we gotta find and round up the illegals. That's gonna take a lot of manpower, but I expect it might take less if the government just put a bounty on them. Offering cold, hard cash to Americans who capture bona-fide illegals would definitely speed up the process. Bounties for illegal immigrants would give regular Americans a cash incentive to clean up the country AND it would make it harder for the illegal immigrants to hide because they'd be worth money to anyone who found them. #bountiesforillegals
Now, it's important to remember the sanctity of human life in this whole venture because we are a Christian nation, after all. So, no bounties for dead or broken illegal immigrants. They have to be alive and mostly undamaged in order to qualify for a bounty. "Good working condition" is the standard, here, and you'll see why in a minute.
Wait a minute, who pays for these bounties? The government? That's gonna cost a fortune!
Not to worry! The government isn't going to pay the bounty directly. I mean, it will *advance* the bounty to the citizen(s) responsible for turning in the illegal immigrant, but then the illegal immigrant will wind up working to pay off the cost of the bounty before they can get sent home.
Let me explain. Once captured, illegal immigrants will be gathered and housed in detention centers located in the American South, where they will work in assorted agricultural pursuits (at low cost) or in any other pursuits they choose to do. Sex work might suit, if they're attractive enough. Young, healthy women might choose to work as surrogate incubators, especially since they'll qualify for better food and prenatal vitamins paid for by their contractor. Regardless of the work they choose, the detainees will have to remain in the detention centers until they pay off their debts to the United States, as follows:
(a) their bounty
(b) the cost of capture and transport to the detention center
(c) the cost of clothing, housing and feeding them at the detention center
(d) the cost of their plane ticket home (at time of flight home)
(e) any other costs (medical, burial of family members, etc) incurred in the detention center
(f) a reasonable rate of interest on their debt, something like 12.5%
(g) a very modest 10% profit above expenses for detention center
(Just in case you were wondering about the "belongings" of illegal immigrants, all "belongings" that allegedly "belonged" to the illegal immigrants are subject to civil forfeiture to FUND the police. Illegal immigrants do not get property rights, those are only for American citizens and legal tourists.)
Once detainees have worked off the costs of their capture, detention, and ticket home plus profit, they will be allowed to get on a plane with their family (full balance due to the USA must be paid in advance) and depart to their country of citizenship.
That... that sounds like it could take years and years. And won't it be expensive to house and feed all those people?
Well, it might take a while, but they should have thought of that before they came here, right? Look, they're already criminals. And insane. And rapists. They are the trash people from other nations, refuse dumped upon our shores. Trump said so, and he tells it like it is.
Besides, it's not going to cost as much as you think to feed and house these folks. They're already eating the dogs. This country has shelters with absolutely thousands of unwanted large-breed dogs that struggle to find homes because they're... pit bulls or rotties or whatever. But they're also 85 to 120 lbs of meaty goodness. Since they're already eating the dogs... then they can keep doing that. Unwanted horses are also a problem. They can pay for and eat those, too. And meat isn't free, so the money that the detained immigrants pay for the privilege of eating unadoptable dogs and useless horses can go to rehome and care for other, more "adoptable" dogs and horses.
Also, the housing won't be terribly expensive. If we locate these detention centers in the rural south, like I suggested, we won't have to do much heating -- they can just huddle up for warmth in the winter and they won't need heat in the summer, will they? -- and the detainees will be conveniently close to assorted agricultural enterprises where they can do things like pick tomatoes and oranges or whatever. Obviously, we will have to employ some local American citizens to watch over the detainees and make sure they're hard at work in the fields, but that also creates jobs for Americans. And yes, of course, the detainees will have to bear the costs of this oversight as part of their debt to the USA. After all, if they weren't here illegally, we wouldn't have to be watching to make sure they were working, right? D'uh.
Don't some of these immigrants have children? Do the children work?
I mean, the kids came here illegally. They could have stayed in their lawful country of origin, but nooo, they chose to accompany their parents to commit a crime. They're equally guilty. So, just like their parents, they OWE the United States of America a debt for being illegal and for being captured and for being detained and for having to be sent home. Nobody flies for free -- that'd be socialist -- but I suppose as a humanitarian measure, we can bundle family debt together if all members of the family agree to that. But anyway, yes, the children will have to work, too.
What can a child do to earn money? Certainly they aren't worth a whole lot as field hands...
Do I have to spell it out for you? A lot of men will pay good money to rape a nine year old girl or a five year old boy. GOOD money. Even more if they're allowed to film it. And yeah, it's wrong to do that to American children, but these are criminals being given the opportunity to work off their debts and earn their way home. We shouldn't put limits on the very few ways a child has to earn enough money to lift themselves out of detainee status. Besides, a truly industrious child could liberate his entire family inside of a year. Think of the valuable lessons that child would be learning about the importance of hard work and of not being in another country illegally.
To make it even more fair, we could offer these jobs to the children without their parents present, so that they could consider the offers in an unbiased manner and make the decisions that were best for them. If they're old enough to be on their own for an immigration hearing in our current "woke" system, they're certainly old enough to be on their own while selecting work options and trying to earn their way back to their own country.
I guess that makes sense. But how does this secure our borders for the future?
Well, it doesn't. I was lying about that part. But under this system, more illegal immigration isn't a bad thing -- it's a supply of free labor -- they won't ever see a dime, it'll all be bookkeeping without any actual money in their hands. The detainees will not be able to communicate with the outside world (no cellphones, no internet, no money, no ability to leave the detention centers or have "visitors"). Ours is a very large country and the American South is not particularly close to any friendly border.
Look, don't you get it? These will be workers who won't be subject to any sorts of (lol) "overtime" or "collective bargaining" or "OSHA" or ... come on, man, that shit's for citizens, not for illegals. So if they keep coming in, we'll keep putting them to work for us. :) And if it takes them a near-eternity to "earn" their way to "freedom", well... let's just say that it's the PROSPECT of freedom (and the guns, don't forget the guns) that will keep them working hard. The fact that only one in a thousand may ever get on a plane, and that for publicity reasons rather than, y'know, repatriation to their country of origin, that hardly matters.
It's not our fault that they are lazy or stupid or can't work the system or are bad at math or didn't catch a clerical error in year 5 of their detention or... fuckitall, we don't need reasons and they have no rights. Just make something up, it'll be fine. Nobody cares, anyway.
It's all part of how we're going to Make America Great Again FOR AMERICANS.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to draft a memo...
I'm with Trump when he says that we have no need of all the criminals and drug addicts and rapists and stuff who are coming across the border to get our welfare and drop their babies on American soil to anchor them in our country. My problem with the mass deportation thing is that I don't want to spend a fortune on the project. I mean, it's not OUR fault that they're here and I don't think that we should have to pay to get rid of them.
Look, the economy's shitty enough without us having to spend a gazillion dollars to get rid of people who shouldn't even be in this country. But, I am pretty sure I have figured out how we can get rid of people who don't belong here and make them pay us for doing it. It'll also secure our borders for the future.
Now, this may sound a little innovative, but we have to approach problems from a fresh perspective in order to Make America Great Again. The traditional way of dealing with illegal immigrants has not done shit. I'm sure you've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. (Like the Dems just running another whiny bitch for president for Trump to beat, lol. Wankers.) So, hear me out, because while this is a different approach, it all hangs together pretty well and should be entirely self-financing while providing some exciting new business opportunities to the unindustrialized southern states at the same time.
First, I expect we gotta find and round up the illegals. That's gonna take a lot of manpower, but I expect it might take less if the government just put a bounty on them. Offering cold, hard cash to Americans who capture bona-fide illegals would definitely speed up the process. Bounties for illegal immigrants would give regular Americans a cash incentive to clean up the country AND it would make it harder for the illegal immigrants to hide because they'd be worth money to anyone who found them. #bountiesforillegals
Now, it's important to remember the sanctity of human life in this whole venture because we are a Christian nation, after all. So, no bounties for dead or broken illegal immigrants. They have to be alive and mostly undamaged in order to qualify for a bounty. "Good working condition" is the standard, here, and you'll see why in a minute.
Wait a minute, who pays for these bounties? The government? That's gonna cost a fortune!
Not to worry! The government isn't going to pay the bounty directly. I mean, it will *advance* the bounty to the citizen(s) responsible for turning in the illegal immigrant, but then the illegal immigrant will wind up working to pay off the cost of the bounty before they can get sent home.
Let me explain. Once captured, illegal immigrants will be gathered and housed in detention centers located in the American South, where they will work in assorted agricultural pursuits (at low cost) or in any other pursuits they choose to do. Sex work might suit, if they're attractive enough. Young, healthy women might choose to work as surrogate incubators, especially since they'll qualify for better food and prenatal vitamins paid for by their contractor. Regardless of the work they choose, the detainees will have to remain in the detention centers until they pay off their debts to the United States, as follows:
(a) their bounty
(b) the cost of capture and transport to the detention center
(c) the cost of clothing, housing and feeding them at the detention center
(d) the cost of their plane ticket home (at time of flight home)
(e) any other costs (medical, burial of family members, etc) incurred in the detention center
(f) a reasonable rate of interest on their debt, something like 12.5%
(g) a very modest 10% profit above expenses for detention center
(Just in case you were wondering about the "belongings" of illegal immigrants, all "belongings" that allegedly "belonged" to the illegal immigrants are subject to civil forfeiture to FUND the police. Illegal immigrants do not get property rights, those are only for American citizens and legal tourists.)
Once detainees have worked off the costs of their capture, detention, and ticket home plus profit, they will be allowed to get on a plane with their family (full balance due to the USA must be paid in advance) and depart to their country of citizenship.
That... that sounds like it could take years and years. And won't it be expensive to house and feed all those people?
Well, it might take a while, but they should have thought of that before they came here, right? Look, they're already criminals. And insane. And rapists. They are the trash people from other nations, refuse dumped upon our shores. Trump said so, and he tells it like it is.
Besides, it's not going to cost as much as you think to feed and house these folks. They're already eating the dogs. This country has shelters with absolutely thousands of unwanted large-breed dogs that struggle to find homes because they're... pit bulls or rotties or whatever. But they're also 85 to 120 lbs of meaty goodness. Since they're already eating the dogs... then they can keep doing that. Unwanted horses are also a problem. They can pay for and eat those, too. And meat isn't free, so the money that the detained immigrants pay for the privilege of eating unadoptable dogs and useless horses can go to rehome and care for other, more "adoptable" dogs and horses.
Also, the housing won't be terribly expensive. If we locate these detention centers in the rural south, like I suggested, we won't have to do much heating -- they can just huddle up for warmth in the winter and they won't need heat in the summer, will they? -- and the detainees will be conveniently close to assorted agricultural enterprises where they can do things like pick tomatoes and oranges or whatever. Obviously, we will have to employ some local American citizens to watch over the detainees and make sure they're hard at work in the fields, but that also creates jobs for Americans. And yes, of course, the detainees will have to bear the costs of this oversight as part of their debt to the USA. After all, if they weren't here illegally, we wouldn't have to be watching to make sure they were working, right? D'uh.
Don't some of these immigrants have children? Do the children work?
I mean, the kids came here illegally. They could have stayed in their lawful country of origin, but nooo, they chose to accompany their parents to commit a crime. They're equally guilty. So, just like their parents, they OWE the United States of America a debt for being illegal and for being captured and for being detained and for having to be sent home. Nobody flies for free -- that'd be socialist -- but I suppose as a humanitarian measure, we can bundle family debt together if all members of the family agree to that. But anyway, yes, the children will have to work, too.
What can a child do to earn money? Certainly they aren't worth a whole lot as field hands...
Do I have to spell it out for you? A lot of men will pay good money to rape a nine year old girl or a five year old boy. GOOD money. Even more if they're allowed to film it. And yeah, it's wrong to do that to American children, but these are criminals being given the opportunity to work off their debts and earn their way home. We shouldn't put limits on the very few ways a child has to earn enough money to lift themselves out of detainee status. Besides, a truly industrious child could liberate his entire family inside of a year. Think of the valuable lessons that child would be learning about the importance of hard work and of not being in another country illegally.
To make it even more fair, we could offer these jobs to the children without their parents present, so that they could consider the offers in an unbiased manner and make the decisions that were best for them. If they're old enough to be on their own for an immigration hearing in our current "woke" system, they're certainly old enough to be on their own while selecting work options and trying to earn their way back to their own country.
I guess that makes sense. But how does this secure our borders for the future?
Well, it doesn't. I was lying about that part. But under this system, more illegal immigration isn't a bad thing -- it's a supply of free labor -- they won't ever see a dime, it'll all be bookkeeping without any actual money in their hands. The detainees will not be able to communicate with the outside world (no cellphones, no internet, no money, no ability to leave the detention centers or have "visitors"). Ours is a very large country and the American South is not particularly close to any friendly border.
Look, don't you get it? These will be workers who won't be subject to any sorts of (lol) "overtime" or "collective bargaining" or "OSHA" or ... come on, man, that shit's for citizens, not for illegals. So if they keep coming in, we'll keep putting them to work for us. :) And if it takes them a near-eternity to "earn" their way to "freedom", well... let's just say that it's the PROSPECT of freedom (and the guns, don't forget the guns) that will keep them working hard. The fact that only one in a thousand may ever get on a plane, and that for publicity reasons rather than, y'know, repatriation to their country of origin, that hardly matters.
It's not our fault that they are lazy or stupid or can't work the system or are bad at math or didn't catch a clerical error in year 5 of their detention or... fuckitall, we don't need reasons and they have no rights. Just make something up, it'll be fine. Nobody cares, anyway.
It's all part of how we're going to Make America Great Again FOR AMERICANS.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to draft a memo...
no subject
Date: 2024-11-09 04:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-09 08:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-09 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-09 06:24 pm (UTC)A win-win for all the great Americans who believe in what's right, truly!
(BTW I had to do my final English exam in my advanced course on this very text by Swift. XD It was that or a news article about Bush being reelected, so yeah...)
no subject
Date: 2024-11-13 02:56 am (UTC)