(no subject)

[which_chick]

I try pretty hard to let people do what they will... but sometimes people are just wrong. Wrong. Very Wrong.



Couple of important points here.

1. Sex with animals is wrong. It is. Wanking is okay. Sex with inanimate objects is okay. Sex with other consenting adults is okay. Sex with children is NOT OKAY. Sex with animals (nonhuman) is NOT OKAY.

2. Horses are a lot bigger and stronger and faster than humans are. I own two horses (one is technically a pony) and I know whereof I speak. Acting as if it is a level playing field to have sex with a horse is asking for trouble.

3. Horse sex isn't very much like people sex, even relatively inconsiderate people sex. Stud horses (those that do the fucking, as opposed to those that get fucked) do not particularly take their time about the process. The phrase Wham, bam, thank you ma'am has some application here. They're considerate in ways that mares find acceptable, but people are not mares. I am not certain that a horse can be taught to be more considerate about fucking in ways people would appreciate. (Hell, it probably took a fair amount of work to get the horse to mount people in the first place. Horses do not generally consider people sex objects.)

4. Boy horses are rather well endowed. There's a reason people say hung like a horse. If you're not sure about size, try this: take your left arm and hold it out in front of you. Make a fist. Observe the distance from fist to a point halfway between elbow and shoulder. This is a reasonable approximation of a horse cock for an average sized (15-hand) horse. (YMMV. My arm is about 10" around and about 18" long for the distance under consideration. This would be, er, usable length for the horse, the part that you can reasonably expect he will try to shove into whatever he's fucking.)

5. If you die as a result of taking it up the ass from Trigger, you will go directly the special hell for people too fucking stupid to live.

Comments

Horse humpee and karma

[ardvaark99999.livejournal.com]

The horse was evidently part of some sort of animal brothel in Washington State. I guess the humper was one of the owner's horse whores. I note for the record that the humpee evidently loved the whores, especially the horse.

From the blog you cited:

The dead man was getting fucked in the ass by a big ol' horse cock when something went terribly, terribly wrong.

A delightfully honest assessment that was not in the Seattle Times story. In any case, I beg to differ. Nothing went wrong here. This all went down according to some karmic reversion to the mean for cosmic justice.

I wouldn't have gone so far as to say that the death was accidental, although the coroner's office has some fairly tight legal definitions to deal with when categorizing causes of death. "Natural" is kind of out the window, as I am sure that this qualifies as "unnatural" in just about everybody's book, especially Leviticus. It wasn't "homocide" in the conventional sense, because that implies the killing of a human by a human. "Accidental" sort of implies that there was no intention for the "victim" to be killed, although doing things like letting horses fuck you in the ass and playing Russian Roulette sort of strikes me as not being "accidental" but rather more "inevitable." My definition is complicated by the fact that death is always inevitable. In all, I think I'd have to settle on the characterization as praiseworthy (http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/there_are-kinds_of_homicide-felonious-excusable/7017.html) and leave it at that.

The, er, "victim" here did not get his name published in the paper. I don't know why the paper didn't publish it. I would have. Is there some sort of rape shield statute or something? Maybe don't publish the name of the horse, but let's have the guy's name!

If this guy doesn't win a Darwin, I'll be shocked.

Finally, I wonder if this was a Walter Farley (http://www.theblackstallion.com/otherbooks_walterfarley.html) plot? A cursory check did not reveal anything written by Farley that is along these lines, but the plot is irresistible: A young, impressionable stallion and his owner, Alec Ramsay, are picked up at the bus station by Henry Dailey, who offers them a place to stay. Dailey, a horse...uh...trainer...has more than altruistic motivations...

Feel free to pick it up from there.

[sara-merry99.livejournal.com]

What a thing to read first thing in the morning.

My god, an animal brothel. What a line of work to have wound up in. How do you explain that one at cocktail parties. "What do you do?" "I run a farm and people pay me to come and have sex with my animals. Think a whore house crossed with a dude ranch." Ick. Beyond ick. That's just *wrong*.

Isn't Catherine the Great said to have died from having sex with a horse? Probably just a myth, but illustrative of the dangers of being fucked by a horse.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

Catherine the Great actually died, near as I am aware and also in the estimable opinion of Cecil of The Straight Dope of a stroke on the toilet. (Lots of people die this way.)

See here: http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_109 (http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_109)

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

Also see here:

http://www.snopes.com/risque/bestial/catherin.htm (http://www.snopes.com/risque/bestial/catherin.htm)

[sara-merry99.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I figured it wasn't true. But it could still be used as a warning myth for others who might be thinking that being fucked by a horse is a good thing.