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Dec. 23rd, 2004 12:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickI stopped in at the Gateway today for lunch with Aish, who was on her way to her mom's for the holidays. The Gateway is a truckstop food place in Breezewood. While not exactly four-star dining, it's a convenient place to have a sit down, a cup of coffee, and some conversation. When I walked in, I was accosted by young people (the schools are closed) handing out candy canes stapled to little sheets of green paper. Mmm-hmm.
Because I live in a small, rural community and because I was raised to be moderately polite, I took the candy cane and paper item and said "Thank you" instead of "Stop spreading lies, you brainwashed tot!" I am also pleased to report that I did not take the opportunity to share my belief system with the tots or the doting parents standing just behind the tots in a supportive and encouraging capacity. I figure that if they wanted my belief system, they would have asked me about it. Since they didn't feel the same way, I'm going to make with the snarky about the evangelical item that the proselytizing tots thrust upon me and I'm going to do it because I can. Here's the text, formatted to match the original...
The Meaning of the
Candy Cane
Many years ago, a candy maker
Wanted to make a candy that would
Symbolize the true meaning of
Christmas -- Jesus!!
The hard candy was shaped like a
"J" to represent that Jesus is our rock
Of all ages. The candy was made
White to stand for the pureness of
Jesus. The red represents the blood
That Jesus shed to save us from our
Sins.
So the next time you see a candy cane,
Take a moment to remember the true
Meaning of Christmas -- Jesus!!
My view? First, the really trivial shit. Let's learn to capitalize. This is not poetry. You don't get a free capital letter with every line. Also, while I get that you're excited about -- Jesus!!, isn't he supposed to be cool enough to be able to stand on his own merits without punctuation propping him up? Finally, the 'center text' feature on the word processor makes your pamphlet have all the weight and gravity of a middle-school girl's purple-ink poetry, the kind where the i's are dotted with little hearts. Are you sure that this is the image you'd like to be putting forth? I mean really, isn't this supposed to be about casting your net (Oh, you Fisher of Men!) for souls, here? Kinda serious business for i's dotted with little hearts, innit?
Moving on to some of the more serious shortcomings, I don't care if your message *is* the Greatest Story Ever Told. It's still a story. The very best con games build a big lie out of small truths, a strategy that can be astonishingly effective when done well. You could learn a lot from them, because you didn't go that route at all. Instead, you used a crappy-ass urban legend that I debunked in approximately ten seconds (Have you never heard of Snopes?) as a building block for your big lie. When it comes to real world happenings like the origin of the candy cane, I will submit your sorry ass to verification, each and every time. You failed. Way to lose credibility, there. If you'd been right -- if your small truths had checked out -- you'd have built a rapport with me, started a dialogue, proved that you could be trusted. But no. You fed me some cock-and-bull story that I turned up as fake without even breaking a sweat. Are you even TRYING? I can get better patter from a three card monte dealer, damn it.
*sigh*
There's a mission statement on the back of the pamphlet thingie. I've typed it below, exactly as it appears. The lack of definite articles (the word "the") is not my fault -- that's in the original.
MISSION STATEMENT
The mission of First United Church of Christ is to declare and share message of reconciled life through Jesus Christ. We seek to do this in following ministries:
WORSHIP AND PREACHING:
We believe in the regular assembling of our lives to worship the Lord God through the preaching of His Word, receiving of His sacraments, and the offering of prayer and praise. (Acts 2:42-47; Hebrews 10:24-25)
TEACHING:
We believe that teaching must be based upon God's holy, inspired, true Word. We provide opportunities for the study of God's Word so lives may experience spiritual growth and witness to the truth of Jesus Christ. (II Tim.3:14-17;Eph 4:11-14)
REACHING:
We desire to make God's call of life in Christ open to all people by using our time, talents, and treasures to foster a communtiy of Christ's love, care, and fellowship. (MT. 28:18-20, Acts 2:44-47; Eph.4:15-16)
"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
They appear to be referring me to some sort of authoritative document, here. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that it's the Bible. At my house we read the KJV because I am not reading for content, I'm reading for roll and thunder. I get my content from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
insidian who is funnier than the original and skips over the boring stuff like geneaologies, pages and pages of thou-shalt-nots that aren't relevant or amusing, and the near-endless ranting about proper worship.
Anyway, let's look at the verses quoted for us. Clearly, we're supposed to refer to the text, so let's refer. It'll be good for us and then I can eat the peppermint without guilt, having earned it by giving fair hearing to the message it came with. (I am willing to bet that this is more than most recipients of the thing do with it. I would be AMAZED if more than one in a thousand actually looked up the verses referenced on the back of this paper.)
Acts 2:42-47 42 And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. 43 And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles. 44 And all that believed were together, and had all things common; 45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. 46 And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, 47 Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.
Dunno about all ya'll, but that sounds kind of communist to me, particularly the part about "had all things common; And sold their possessions and goods and parted them to all men, as every man had need." Bunch of damn hippies roaming about On the Road with Jesus, I betcha.
Hebrews 10:24-25 24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Right. The cult thing. All ya'll encourage each other into the wearing of purple robes, by standing around and singing "We Love You Joanie, We Do..."
II Tim.3:14-17 4 But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; 15 And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 17 That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.
This is very inspiring, but I'd like to point out that the "profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness" thing isn't exactly so. I don't see men running around knocking up their childless widowed sisters-in-law as a matter of course these days, even though that's something you're supposed to do. (Deut. 25:5-6 5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. 6 And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.) We will not be having with the "that part doesn't apply anymore" because we just read that "All scripture is given by inspiration." All of it. What part of "all" don't you understand?
Eph 4:11-14 11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; 12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: 13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: 14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
I kind of like the imagery in this passage. That's some effective writing, that is.
MT. 28:18-20 18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
Uhm. Jesus? If you've got all power given unto you in heaven and earth, how come WE have to go therefore and teach all nations? Why can't you do it?
Acts 2:44-47 See above. We did this one already.
Eph.4:15-16 15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: 16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
I'm not getting anywhere with this one. If I could clear away the miasmic clouds of fluffy pink love, I might do better. Sorry.
And did anyone besides me notice that the mission statement elements rhymed? Isn't that cute?
Also, for all your Bible-searching needs, I suggest Christnotes.org, a site with a sensible interface and a nice selection of texts.
Because I live in a small, rural community and because I was raised to be moderately polite, I took the candy cane and paper item and said "Thank you" instead of "Stop spreading lies, you brainwashed tot!" I am also pleased to report that I did not take the opportunity to share my belief system with the tots or the doting parents standing just behind the tots in a supportive and encouraging capacity. I figure that if they wanted my belief system, they would have asked me about it. Since they didn't feel the same way, I'm going to make with the snarky about the evangelical item that the proselytizing tots thrust upon me and I'm going to do it because I can. Here's the text, formatted to match the original...
Candy Cane
Many years ago, a candy maker
Wanted to make a candy that would
Symbolize the true meaning of
Christmas -- Jesus!!
The hard candy was shaped like a
"J" to represent that Jesus is our rock
Of all ages. The candy was made
White to stand for the pureness of
Jesus. The red represents the blood
That Jesus shed to save us from our
Sins.
So the next time you see a candy cane,
Take a moment to remember the true
Meaning of Christmas -- Jesus!!
My view? First, the really trivial shit. Let's learn to capitalize. This is not poetry. You don't get a free capital letter with every line. Also, while I get that you're excited about -- Jesus!!, isn't he supposed to be cool enough to be able to stand on his own merits without punctuation propping him up? Finally, the 'center text' feature on the word processor makes your pamphlet have all the weight and gravity of a middle-school girl's purple-ink poetry, the kind where the i's are dotted with little hearts. Are you sure that this is the image you'd like to be putting forth? I mean really, isn't this supposed to be about casting your net (Oh, you Fisher of Men!) for souls, here? Kinda serious business for i's dotted with little hearts, innit?
Moving on to some of the more serious shortcomings, I don't care if your message *is* the Greatest Story Ever Told. It's still a story. The very best con games build a big lie out of small truths, a strategy that can be astonishingly effective when done well. You could learn a lot from them, because you didn't go that route at all. Instead, you used a crappy-ass urban legend that I debunked in approximately ten seconds (Have you never heard of Snopes?) as a building block for your big lie. When it comes to real world happenings like the origin of the candy cane, I will submit your sorry ass to verification, each and every time. You failed. Way to lose credibility, there. If you'd been right -- if your small truths had checked out -- you'd have built a rapport with me, started a dialogue, proved that you could be trusted. But no. You fed me some cock-and-bull story that I turned up as fake without even breaking a sweat. Are you even TRYING? I can get better patter from a three card monte dealer, damn it.
*sigh*
There's a mission statement on the back of the pamphlet thingie. I've typed it below, exactly as it appears. The lack of definite articles (the word "the") is not my fault -- that's in the original.
The mission of First United Church of Christ is to declare and share message of reconciled life through Jesus Christ. We seek to do this in following ministries:
WORSHIP AND PREACHING:
We believe in the regular assembling of our lives to worship the Lord God through the preaching of His Word, receiving of His sacraments, and the offering of prayer and praise. (Acts 2:42-47; Hebrews 10:24-25)
TEACHING:
We believe that teaching must be based upon God's holy, inspired, true Word. We provide opportunities for the study of God's Word so lives may experience spiritual growth and witness to the truth of Jesus Christ. (II Tim.3:14-17;Eph 4:11-14)
REACHING:
We desire to make God's call of life in Christ open to all people by using our time, talents, and treasures to foster a communtiy of Christ's love, care, and fellowship. (MT. 28:18-20, Acts 2:44-47; Eph.4:15-16)
"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
They appear to be referring me to some sort of authoritative document, here. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that it's the Bible. At my house we read the KJV because I am not reading for content, I'm reading for roll and thunder. I get my content from
insidian who is funnier than the original and skips over the boring stuff like geneaologies, pages and pages of thou-shalt-nots that aren't relevant or amusing, and the near-endless ranting about proper worship.Anyway, let's look at the verses quoted for us. Clearly, we're supposed to refer to the text, so let's refer. It'll be good for us and then I can eat the peppermint without guilt, having earned it by giving fair hearing to the message it came with. (I am willing to bet that this is more than most recipients of the thing do with it. I would be AMAZED if more than one in a thousand actually looked up the verses referenced on the back of this paper.)
Acts 2:42-47 42 And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. 43 And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles. 44 And all that believed were together, and had all things common; 45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. 46 And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, 47 Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.
Dunno about all ya'll, but that sounds kind of communist to me, particularly the part about "had all things common; And sold their possessions and goods and parted them to all men, as every man had need." Bunch of damn hippies roaming about On the Road with Jesus, I betcha.
Hebrews 10:24-25 24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Right. The cult thing. All ya'll encourage each other into the wearing of purple robes, by standing around and singing "We Love You Joanie, We Do..."
II Tim.3:14-17 4 But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; 15 And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 17 That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.
This is very inspiring, but I'd like to point out that the "profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness" thing isn't exactly so. I don't see men running around knocking up their childless widowed sisters-in-law as a matter of course these days, even though that's something you're supposed to do. (Deut. 25:5-6 5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. 6 And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel.) We will not be having with the "that part doesn't apply anymore" because we just read that "All scripture is given by inspiration." All of it. What part of "all" don't you understand?
Eph 4:11-14 11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; 12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: 13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: 14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
I kind of like the imagery in this passage. That's some effective writing, that is.
MT. 28:18-20 18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. 19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
Uhm. Jesus? If you've got all power given unto you in heaven and earth, how come WE have to go therefore and teach all nations? Why can't you do it?
Acts 2:44-47 See above. We did this one already.
Eph.4:15-16 15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: 16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
I'm not getting anywhere with this one. If I could clear away the miasmic clouds of fluffy pink love, I might do better. Sorry.
And did anyone besides me notice that the mission statement elements rhymed? Isn't that cute?
Also, for all your Bible-searching needs, I suggest Christnotes.org, a site with a sensible interface and a nice selection of texts.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-24 09:20 pm (UTC)This, of course, means that fundamentalism is a basic misunderstanding. The allegorical sections of the gospel, especially, are not to be understood literally - there are sections where Christ comes out and states, baldly, "I am not to be understood literally; these are allegories to be understood figuratively". Jerome and Augustine just extended that idea beyond the gospels into the rest of scripture: figurative, not literal. Take that to occultist extremes, and you get all sorts of solipsistic gibberish, where everybody reads something completely individual (and often very bizarre!) into the text, but that’s another story.
It sometimes amazes me that people regard relativism and historicism as a recent invention of academics, liberals, and damnable atheists; relativism's at least 1700 years old by my count.
Mitch H.