(no subject)

[which_chick]

Dear tenant: Before you work on your my plumbing at 11:00 PM on Friday night, there are some things you should consider.



First, the plumbing stores are not open at 11 PM. Because the plumbing stores are not open, it is very difficult for me to get parts to fix what you break. This might be something to consider before you start tearing things apart at such an hour.

Second, the plumbing you are planning to work on is not yours and you are not the only person in your building. Thus, things that you break do not only inconvenience you. Please note that if things go wrong, you do not have access to the building main shutoff. Also, if things go very wrong, the person below you is going to get flooded. Try not to be a dick about this. Maybe 11 PM is not a good time to work on plumbing, eh?

Third, if you are not 100% capable of fixing the plumbing you have chosen to fuck with, you will wind up calling me once your ass is in the sling and the plumbing is slathering a mixture of Crisco and J-lube all over its hand and forearm. Do you really want me to see you under those circumstances? Why don't you save us all some embarrassment and call me, during business hours, while you're still dressed, the plumbing stores are open, and my plumbing is still in one piece?

Fourth and finally, if I do have to save you from the sling and the plumbing, it'd save me time if you just bloody well admit that you were "working" on the plumbing instead of pretending that it just magically got that way on its own while you were innocently watching last week's True Blood and working your way through the casting-on chapter of Principles of Knitting... no, wait, that was actally me.

Anyway, it was nice of you to call once you tried to install a new fluidmaster and tightened the living hell out of EVERYTHING with a pair of channel locks and still couldn't get it to stop leaking all over the floor at a hell of a clip. It was cute that you couldn't figure out which way to turn the tank hose and nut for the fill valve to loosen them. However, I saved you and my toilet tank before you broke ceramic, so no lives lost. (They'll be by tomorrow to repossess your Man Card.) And, jeepers, Mister, was your face ever red when I asked what the hell happened to the rubber washer that went inside the tank. You had to go fetch it out of the trash, where you threw it away along with the box (and the unread directions) when you were "done" with your "repair" work. You COULD have said sorry for fucking up my evening, but you didn't do that either. Asshat.

Comments

[gwangi.livejournal.com]

That last bit is what really made the story awesome. As if the parts company just puts some extra washers in there for shits and giggles.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

The fluidmaster directions are quite clear about what things go where. Look here (http://www.fluidmaster.com/product_docs/400a_installation_instructions_english.pdf) (pdf, sorry) and particularly to STEP 4 in the illustrated directions. The part my tenant was missing was the shank washer which has to have the center cone washer removed from it before the shank washer is placed on the threaded shank of the fill valve... as, y'know, is shown in STEP 4.

[not-your-real.livejournal.com]

I love that the plumbing in your analogy was preparing itself for a full fisting of the tenant :)

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

I knew that you'd get it. :) I wasn't sure if anyone else would or not, but I knew you'd be there to catch the bouquet of innuendo.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

Also, it is clear at this point that YBP has rather altered my perception of the phrase "get your ass in a sling". I did not tell the tenant that I was mentally picturing him naked and in a sex sling, about to be violated by the plumbing, personified as a brick shithouse of a redhead (copper pipes, see) wearing leather gear. The world inside my head is a fascinating place.

[giddygal.livejournal.com]

This is why I no longer want to be a landlord. Been there, done that. Off my bucket list, no wait, this never was on my bucket list! Must be someone else's.

Then there's the possibility the tenant thinks you're hot and just decided to come up with a really creative way to get you over there in the middle of the night (snicker, snicker) No, I don't believe that either. Then again mayby the Crisco and J-lube was a hint...ok, ok. sorry. Just trying to make you laugh, not throw up.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

For all its drawbacks, landlording is a reasonably lucrative occupation that offers a great deal of personal freedom (no dress code, no "vision statement", no team meetings, no quarterly reviews, a somewhat flexible schedule from day to day, a wide variety of activities) and a fairly minimal amount of real stress. The annoyance factor is kind of high, but the real stress is minimal.