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Sep. 21st, 2009 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickI have been online, in various and sundry ways, since 1991. I've seen rather a lot of the internet, from back in history when there were no banner ads at all and there was the Big Red Button and Yahoo had a plain text page. People didn't have 2 Girls, 1 Cup, but they had the Dancing Baby and All Your Base and they were THANKFUL to have them.
As I said, I've been online one hell of a long time. However, this evening was the first time I actually had trouble swallowing my drink due to web page content. People always go blah-blah-made me ruin my keyboard and I figure it's about the same as LOL translates to "I smiled weakly but I don't want you to think I don't have a sense of humor so I'm typing LOL when really *meh* is a better response" but this evening, I actually had to stop swallowing because I almost choked due to trying to laugh and drink at the same time.
I did not ruin my keyboard. I have better muscle control than that, thank you. I spit my drink back into the cup I was drinking it from. The cup is a really big cidera (used to be SkyCache) mug, a tchochke from the wonderful world of Internet Trade Shows back when the internet was going to make us all rich. There's a picture of the mug here if anyone's interested. And then I drank it anyway (You probably did not need to know that) because I was too lazy to get up and fix another drink. The drink was hot tea, cooled to the proper amount of lukewarm. It was not steaming like in the picture.
When I spit the tea out, I mostly hit the cup. Some of it did dribble down the front of my shirt where it is currently making my boobs wet and sticky because instead of going and changing my shirt, I am choosing to tell the faceless internet about the fact that I actually did wind up spitting my drink out over something I saw on the internet. But anyway, none of it got on the keyboard and that's good because tea will wash out of dark-colored shirts but doesn't exactly wash out of keyboards. (On an only slightly-related note, I won a hundred bucks -- second prize -- once because I shared stories of tech-support horror with a room full of geeks. One of the tech support horror stories was of a woman who had put her keyboard in the dishwasher. It was a bizarre phone call, the sort of thing where you expect candid camera to jump out of the bushes or whatever. Tech support really broadened my horizons for how fucking stupid people can be. But then I met tenants, later, which kicked things up a notch even higher.)
Here's what I was reading. The tone of the piece is perfect exasperated-customer-service-person. The writing is cogent and appropriate to the topic. And the sentence that proved my undoing, so that you can know even more about what I find amusing, was So do titles like "Giant Goo Covered Jugs," "Girls Kissing Girls," "Anal Addiction," "Big Wet Asses," "Enema Queens," and "Hairy Cooter Bonanza." I lost it. I totally did. I was fine through "Girls Kissing Girls" and "Anal Addiction" and "Big Wet Asses". I handled "Enema Queens". And I spit my drink out (because drinking and laughing at the same time are NOT GOOD) over "Hairy Cooter Bonanza".
As I said, I've been online one hell of a long time. However, this evening was the first time I actually had trouble swallowing my drink due to web page content. People always go blah-blah-made me ruin my keyboard and I figure it's about the same as LOL translates to "I smiled weakly but I don't want you to think I don't have a sense of humor so I'm typing LOL when really *meh* is a better response" but this evening, I actually had to stop swallowing because I almost choked due to trying to laugh and drink at the same time.
I did not ruin my keyboard. I have better muscle control than that, thank you. I spit my drink back into the cup I was drinking it from. The cup is a really big cidera (used to be SkyCache) mug, a tchochke from the wonderful world of Internet Trade Shows back when the internet was going to make us all rich. There's a picture of the mug here if anyone's interested. And then I drank it anyway (You probably did not need to know that) because I was too lazy to get up and fix another drink. The drink was hot tea, cooled to the proper amount of lukewarm. It was not steaming like in the picture.
When I spit the tea out, I mostly hit the cup. Some of it did dribble down the front of my shirt where it is currently making my boobs wet and sticky because instead of going and changing my shirt, I am choosing to tell the faceless internet about the fact that I actually did wind up spitting my drink out over something I saw on the internet. But anyway, none of it got on the keyboard and that's good because tea will wash out of dark-colored shirts but doesn't exactly wash out of keyboards. (On an only slightly-related note, I won a hundred bucks -- second prize -- once because I shared stories of tech-support horror with a room full of geeks. One of the tech support horror stories was of a woman who had put her keyboard in the dishwasher. It was a bizarre phone call, the sort of thing where you expect candid camera to jump out of the bushes or whatever. Tech support really broadened my horizons for how fucking stupid people can be. But then I met tenants, later, which kicked things up a notch even higher.)
Here's what I was reading. The tone of the piece is perfect exasperated-customer-service-person. The writing is cogent and appropriate to the topic. And the sentence that proved my undoing, so that you can know even more about what I find amusing, was So do titles like "Giant Goo Covered Jugs," "Girls Kissing Girls," "Anal Addiction," "Big Wet Asses," "Enema Queens," and "Hairy Cooter Bonanza." I lost it. I totally did. I was fine through "Girls Kissing Girls" and "Anal Addiction" and "Big Wet Asses". I handled "Enema Queens". And I spit my drink out (because drinking and laughing at the same time are NOT GOOD) over "Hairy Cooter Bonanza".
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Date: 2009-09-22 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-22 05:03 am (UTC)*Yes, that's a compliment.
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Date: 2009-09-24 01:10 am (UTC)I mean that in a good way.
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Date: 2009-09-24 01:23 am (UTC)Cidera! That's where Digex went to die! Dood, I never worked there, but I know the people!