(no subject)

[which_chick]

I have some thoughts.



If you are out wandering around and looking for work along the streets of the local burg, it is not a good idea to do so reeking of liquor. It's worse if you do this and it's not yet nine in the morning. Also, try not to announce that you are homeless when job-seeking. That's not something that employers want to hear.

If you leave one of our apartments with a judgment against you and I think you might ever want to buy something that requires credit, I will record the judgment against you and wait for my ship to come in. (This lesson was most recently learned by ex-tenant S. A., who rented from us several years ago. In the mail today, we got her check for $489 to cover the judgment plus recording fees. :) It's like pennies from heaven, for real.

The guy who does Don Draper on Mad Men? *pant* *pant* My lusting aside, the visual aesthetic of the show is delightful and I am enjoying it (first season at the moment) via bittorrent. So far, I'm finding the raging sexism amusing.

Youbee, please do not bring partially-dead chipmunks into the house. The presence of them in the house upsets me. (The way that this happens is that the door is standing wide open because it's summertime-ish and I like the fresh air. Also the cats like to go outside and inside at will and sometimes they are carrying chipmunks.) In your lingo: Do Not Want!

In considering the Elf Porn Books, which I have been giving more thought than they probably deserve, it came to me (hur, hur) that perhaps I didn't point out how absolutely fantastical they are -- not for the magic or the elves or the endless orgasms during penetrative sex but for the fact that this chickie is banging men with ankle-length hair and NOBODY is ever on ANYBODY ELSE'S HAIR. Ever. Maybe it's different for ankle-length hair but I have waist-length hair and it is difficult to have decently sweaty and enjoyable sex (with my hair down) without someone being inconveniently on my hair at least once. There are fewer problems if I put my hair up, but that (I've been told) isn't as much fun. If I've already mentioned this, forgive me, but it has lately been striking me as the most unrealistic element of the damn books and I felt moved to mention it, possibly again.

Comments

[ladyivy.livejournal.com]

it came to me (hur, hur) that perhaps I didn't point out how absolutely fantastical they are -- not for the magic or the elves or the endless orgasms during penetrative sex but for the fact that this chickie is banging men with ankle-length hair and NOBODY is ever on ANYBODY ELSE'S HAIR

Well, Princess Merry is supposed to have something like a bazillion fertility goddesses in her ancestry; maybe it's a divine gift?

Or not.

It's probably just bad (*cough* unbetaed *cough*) writing. After all, nothing else in those books is at all related to reality in any way, shape, or form; why should that be different.

[electroweak.livejournal.com]

Is unbetaed modern-ese for unedited?

[ladyivy.livejournal.com]

It was my way of implying that the books are actually glorified fanfic (as well as not having a proper editor). If I had said unedited, it would have implied I thought they were a professional piece of fiction, which as much I like to read them (and I do find them entertaining), I actually don't.

They read like fanfic, hence the use of the word unbetaed.

[fooliv.livejournal.com]

It's strange, as fanfic writers gain attention and experience, they tend to get better-edited via hordes of willing beta readers. Having a ton of betas is a mark of distinction. As professional writers gain attention and experience, they have a tendency to shed pesky things like attentive editorial oversight. I've never been able to stand her elf-porn books, but the first four to five vampire-porn books were well-edited enough to be fairly engrossing in their own way.

Me, I'm more concerned about the whole "leaving doors open in summer" thing. Don't you get tons of unwanted visitors in the form of bloodthirsty bugs if you leave your front door open?

[electroweak.livejournal.com]

The long, long hair moves of its own volition and consumes the summer insects like a terrible Venus fly trap. The eldritch coiffure squirms with a life of its own. They think I'm mad for writing these words, but I know! I have seen these horrible things! When the stars are right, the hair will open the Gates of Horn and bring in the pipers of mindless Azathoth!

I have just combined the elf porn (which I have fortunately never read) and the Lovecraft mythos. With luck, those who read the elf porn will remember this the next time they pick up the books, and shudder - either because they're now imagining the elves as Deep Ones, or because they remember my awful prose. Either way, my work will then be complete.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

You speak out of the corners of your mouth, pilgrim. I know for a fact that you have absolutely no concrete experience regarding what my hair does under the particular set of circumstances when it is unbound as per elf porn books. More's the pity, really.

Eldritch coiffure, not so much.

Perhaps you are instead thinking of the curly and unrepentant hair belonging to our Lady of Hedera Helix?

[electroweak.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you are instead thinking of the curly and unrepentant hair belonging to our Lady of Hedera Helix?

Subtle. Subtle. I salute you.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

I debated going for the sports metaphor (The elves in the elf porn books go deep already, see. In a sense, they already are the deep ones. *snarf* They also go long. Y'know, into the *endzone*? Right. Actually, they score a lot, something I'm pretty sure I've mentioned previously in my recurring visits to the Elf Porn Books. N.b. For me, using sports metaphors in a discussion of fucking is like opening a Pringles can of snark.) but since you're not really a local sports team kind of guy even though you live in the City of Iggles, I tossed (off) the sports metaphor jokes and went for the science joke instead. Also, I figured you would comment so that I could drag out the (shopworn) sports metaphor jokes anyway.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, saynomore.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

Note to self: Do not google attractive, mature male actor types. You will discover, to your eternal shame, that they are *younger* than you are. Just don't do it. (Jon Hamm, who plays Draper, was born in 1971. I was born in 1970.) He's still a hottie, though.

[cousinsue.livejournal.com]

Michael Phelps? I haz pitchers.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

Phelps is in his early twenties. He's cut, for sure, but he's built weird -- the pieces are nice, but they don't all go together well. Long trunk, very long arms, no legs. Also, needs a better ass.

[cousinsue.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that had occurred to me too.

Funny how something relatively minor can just screw with your perceptions of the story.