(no subject)

[which_chick]

So I'm at work today, right, painting the cabinetry at Bunny's old apartment some color other than 1950's turquoise. Bunny died, you see, and so we are going to rent her apartment to someone else seeing as how she's no longer the tenant by way of being too dead to pay rent. Now, she'd rented from us for twenty-nine years and with that kind of track record, she got to do things we do not generally allow. One of the things she got to do was paint the cabinets turquoise. You probably have a mental image of what turquoise cabinets look like. These are tackier than that. Anyway, since we would like to rent the apartment to a tenant who is NOT too dead to pay rent, the turquoise cabinets have to go. No living tenants will rent the place with turquoise cabinets. Probably they'd even offend the undead.



I'm painting them high-gloss white. I'm doing the walls and ceilings in the usual beige. I'm having to paint the entire apartment, parts of it more than once, but I particularly despise painting the cabinets. Painting cabinets is like painting a lot of VERY SMALL CLOSETS and I have to do the insides because they haven't been done for nigh on thirty years and they're icky. I don't like painting closets and lots of VERY SMALL CLOSETS (with a lot of corners per wall area) is even less fun. Do not like.

However, that sort of fiddly painting gives me lots of time for thinking and I was thinking today how I would really like to write me some fanfic. I don't feel this urge particularly often, mind, and I've not been doing things fannish lately so there's no excuse for this sort of thing. But there I was, painting over the south beach cabinetry of my dead tenant and thinking to myself how delightful it would be to set myself up as a fanfic author by name of Surely You Don't. (From The Pirate Movie, one of my very guilty pleasures) The general plan, here, would be to go to every freaking fandom I have a hope of being able to write in and, er, writing the quintessential "No, they're not." fanfic of complete and total unfulfillment.

It would be even more fun to take someone's already-written fic, drive it full-speed up to the point where the move is made, and rewrite it using actual male characters instead of female paper-doll fantasy characters.

And then I'd post them in assorted internet fora.

...

Profit! Or something.

(I recently discovered that the political Petrelli in Heroes? He played Profit in the eponymous television series of some six episodes that I so dearly loved during its brief, brief life.)

Comments

fanfic by phone

[ardvaark99999.livejournal.com]

You know there is a service available that will let you phone in dictation which they will then transcribe. It's copytalk or something like that. You get delivery by email. You could conceivably take this quiet time and put your cell on speaker and dictate your fanfic (up to 4 minutes at a time) and have it emailed to you. A script could then clean it up and post it somewhere.

Fanfic without the work.

Just a thought.

[alcoholicmemory.livejournal.com]

"You probably have a mental image of what turquoise cabinets look like. These are tackier than that."

I'm not going to lie, in my mind that seems to be quite the achievement.

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

Only the cabinet doors are turquoise. The cabinets themselves are a salmon-tinged *flat* beige paint that was sloppily done (the turquoise wasn't all that impressively painted, either). Full coverage is lacking around the hinges and stuff. There are brushmarks and a few runs in both the cabinet doors and on the cabinets themselves. There are rather a lot of yellow-brown grease splotches on the cabinetry, density of same increasing as your gaze nears the stove, and overlaying all of this earthly delight is a fine film of tar (entire household smoked, except the dog) that gives everything a yellowish-brown tinge of poverty and an absolutely appalling tactile sensation.

I will try to be more thorough in my descriptions in the future. :P

Also, thought about this today while scrubbing off the grease/tar (you can't paint over it easily -- it does strange things to the paint -- but it comes off fairly well with 409 and a green scrubby): Swift's Lady's Dressing Room makes a lot more sense when you've spent some time cleaning up apartments after the tenants have left.