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Aug. 25th, 2005 06:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickThe leading-ponies function was at the Victory Gospel Lighthouse Fellowship of Victory (or something along those lines. I lost interest after "Lighthouse" even though the name continued on for several more words.) Victory over what, I don't know and didn't ask, but I didn't figure it was the War on Terror. Also, there were too many balloons for a war, I thought.
The fine folks at the Victory Gospel Lighthouse thing are apparently so sinful that they need to go to church twice a week instead of just the usual once on Sundays. They also go on Wednesdays, like yesterday, to shore up their crumbling resolve against Sin or whatever. I didn't comment on this while I was there because I didn't think it would be polite.
Anyway, this particular Wednesday evening was Bike Night. That's what it's called and this was the eighth annual such night. Bike Night featured a pirate ship and carnival games and theater and horses and, yes, bikes. I don't know if there was any religious content or not, due to being busy with the pony portion of the program. This also meant that I did not get to see the theater production, which featured adolescent boys in drag. I did get to see the boys changing from maidens fair (with dark ages pointy-hats-and-veils) into knights as noble and true as it is possible to be while wearing plastic armor sized for someone rather smaller than you are, though. That was really rather delightful even though there was absolutely no skin involved. It was charming. Waylon and Evan (I did not name the children. Do not blame me. Yes, he is named after Waylon Jennings, the country music singer person.) came running over with pirate hats (from Long John Silver's, with the skull carefully pasted over because LynnAnn didn't think that skulls were appropriate for a church function, a factoid I know because she volunteered it.) and self-adhesive pirate mustaches. It was quite possibly the cutest thing I've seen all month. They had a blast on the pirate ship, which was constructed of two-by-fours, scaffolding, cardboard, and imagination. It had a cross for a flag, which I thought was kind of amusing. LynnAnn's mom dressed up as the pirate captain, which makes (by my count) two instances of sanctioned cross-dressing. I guess it's okay if it's for Jesus instead of because you LIKE it.
One piece of advice, aimed at someone who won't ever see it:
You, there, the fourteen year old with hips and breasts and makeup and a cell phone. You think you're too big to go on a pony ride so you don't ask if you can go. You've been standing there for forty minutes with your two friends, staring at the ponies. You *want* a pony ride. Don't think we can't see you standing there with desire in your eyes. We see you. We know how you feel -- it's pouring off of you. Get on the fucking pony. We've made a joke of the offer so that you can roll your eyes and get a pony ride just to humor the old people (to someone who is fourteen, I am old) who are clearly dorky and don't know any better about age-appropriate behavior. But no, you're too cool for that. You turn us down so that you can be grownup even though your two friends take us up on the offer and go on a pony ride. There are three ponies, girl. You could have gone with them, as a joke. We wouldn't have laughed at you. We understand about wanting a pony ride, really, we do, and we'd have been happy to let you pretend that you didn't really want one. Because telling you this straight up would have mortified and offended you, I'm taking the time now to point out that you've got the rest of your life to be an adult. Also, getting a pony ride if you really want one is NOT incompatible with being an adult. Part of being an adult is being brave enough to accept your desires, to ask for the things you want, and to take them when they are offered. I'm just sayin'...
The fine folks at the Victory Gospel Lighthouse thing are apparently so sinful that they need to go to church twice a week instead of just the usual once on Sundays. They also go on Wednesdays, like yesterday, to shore up their crumbling resolve against Sin or whatever. I didn't comment on this while I was there because I didn't think it would be polite.
Anyway, this particular Wednesday evening was Bike Night. That's what it's called and this was the eighth annual such night. Bike Night featured a pirate ship and carnival games and theater and horses and, yes, bikes. I don't know if there was any religious content or not, due to being busy with the pony portion of the program. This also meant that I did not get to see the theater production, which featured adolescent boys in drag. I did get to see the boys changing from maidens fair (with dark ages pointy-hats-and-veils) into knights as noble and true as it is possible to be while wearing plastic armor sized for someone rather smaller than you are, though. That was really rather delightful even though there was absolutely no skin involved. It was charming. Waylon and Evan (I did not name the children. Do not blame me. Yes, he is named after Waylon Jennings, the country music singer person.) came running over with pirate hats (from Long John Silver's, with the skull carefully pasted over because LynnAnn didn't think that skulls were appropriate for a church function, a factoid I know because she volunteered it.) and self-adhesive pirate mustaches. It was quite possibly the cutest thing I've seen all month. They had a blast on the pirate ship, which was constructed of two-by-fours, scaffolding, cardboard, and imagination. It had a cross for a flag, which I thought was kind of amusing. LynnAnn's mom dressed up as the pirate captain, which makes (by my count) two instances of sanctioned cross-dressing. I guess it's okay if it's for Jesus instead of because you LIKE it.
One piece of advice, aimed at someone who won't ever see it:
You, there, the fourteen year old with hips and breasts and makeup and a cell phone. You think you're too big to go on a pony ride so you don't ask if you can go. You've been standing there for forty minutes with your two friends, staring at the ponies. You *want* a pony ride. Don't think we can't see you standing there with desire in your eyes. We see you. We know how you feel -- it's pouring off of you. Get on the fucking pony. We've made a joke of the offer so that you can roll your eyes and get a pony ride just to humor the old people (to someone who is fourteen, I am old) who are clearly dorky and don't know any better about age-appropriate behavior. But no, you're too cool for that. You turn us down so that you can be grownup even though your two friends take us up on the offer and go on a pony ride. There are three ponies, girl. You could have gone with them, as a joke. We wouldn't have laughed at you. We understand about wanting a pony ride, really, we do, and we'd have been happy to let you pretend that you didn't really want one. Because telling you this straight up would have mortified and offended you, I'm taking the time now to point out that you've got the rest of your life to be an adult. Also, getting a pony ride if you really want one is NOT incompatible with being an adult. Part of being an adult is being brave enough to accept your desires, to ask for the things you want, and to take them when they are offered. I'm just sayin'...
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Date: 2005-08-25 04:24 pm (UTC)I don't want my spawn to ever get like that. Of course, they would never turn down the offer of a pony ride...
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Date: 2005-08-25 06:27 pm (UTC)I bet a nickel these guys are snake-handlers. The name just screams "snake-handler."
(Yes, I know they're not.)