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I really thought I would be done with the super fun work-related bitchy posts, but I'm not. Sorry.



This evening, I spent several hours of my life on the phone with a user who lives in Michigan. Now, that wouldn't be bad, but we don't SERVE Michigan. We serve a tiny area of Pennsylvania. See, he had our service when he lived here, and then he moved to Michigan. Since he has free long distance in Michigan, he hasn't bothered to find another ISP. He just dials in on his free long distance, you see.

Anyway, he called because he wanted me to help him set up his internet again... he'd wiped the machine and needed to reload the dialup settings. In the world of dialup ISPs, this is not a noteworthy tech call. It's routine, something I can do in my sleep, and it wouldn't normally distract me from my game of 5-or-more.

This call was a little different. See, the computer ran Windows 95. It had IE 2.0, and Microsoft Internet Mail and News. It had a 133 MHz processor, 20 Mb of RAM, and, in its time, it was smokin' hot. That time was, unfortunately, about nine years ago. Seriously. Nine years ago. I am NOT lying. IE 3.0 started shipping in 1996 (see here), so this computer is older than that.

The whole time I was on the phone with him, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I tried, as gently as I could, to point out to him that his computer was sort of outdated. I noted that the path he had followed to upgrade from what he had to what would suffice in this world DID NOT EXIST anymore. (Think not? You try finding a copy of IE 4 these days.) The whole time I spoke to him, he was cheerful and polite and entirely uninterested in any kind of hardware upgrade.

Why did this man want me to build an internet connection for his computer? Why? It's not like he'll be able to look at anything...

For the love of god, Montresor!

He just called back. It connected. Yay. He's now trying the browser to see if it works.

Am I on fucking Candid Camera? He can't be serious about wanting to use this for internet. Even if he IS serious about wanting to use it for internet, it can't possibly be of any USE for doing internet.

The browser (IE 2.0) works. He's loaded the homepage. He's asking me about email clients. The recurring soft *thunk* you hear is my head hitting the desk.

I found him an antique version of Eudora Light. Go me! That seems to have installed okay and, after a certain amount of memory racking so that I could find where to put the settings, he's called back to inform me that he can pick up email all right with it.

Now he wants a better browser. So that he can surf.

STOP THE MADNESS!

The worst part? He's hung up now and there still aren't any video cameras. He might be for real. Might. Jesus fuck.

Date: 2005-02-12 03:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] en-ki.livejournal.com
You could totally get Thunderfox on that there thingy.

Date: 2005-02-12 12:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] which-chick.livejournal.com
I thought of that. I did.

Thunderbird system requirements (from their web page):
# Pentium 233 MHz (Recommended: Pentium 500MHz or greater)
# 64 MB RAM (Recommended: 128 MB RAM or greater)

Firefox system requirements (from their web page):
# Pentium 233 MHz (Recommended: Pentium 500MHz or greater)
# 64 MB RAM (Recommended: 128 MB RAM or greater)

Neither one claims to support Win95. The lowest they go is Win98. I realize that this means they will PROBABLY still run on Win95... my more pressing issue was the hardware, where the machine fell short by a hundred MHz and forty-four Mb of RAM. Usually, being off by that much is a recipe for disaster at the low end. Also, having seen how Firefox does on a Win98 machine with 40 Mb of RAM and a 233 MHz processor (one of Thursday's funtime activities -- it's not bad, actually it's better than IE 5.5, but it's got a significant startup lag and I didn't test it very hard. It worked okay with fairly kind, light use.), I wasn't willing to risk it on this piece of shit.

I do not ignore software's listed system requirements without at least first reading them to see what they are. I'm strange that way. I may blow off the requirements, but not before I check to be sure what I'm blowing off.

Date: 2005-02-14 02:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fooliv.livejournal.com
I had a machine like that - 133MHz, Win95. It was sitting in my apartment for the purpose of playing old wargames with the TV on in the background. It keeled over and died of mechanical CD failures last year, and I recycled it along with another Win95 machine I had sitting around the house. I'm amazed that his machine is still functional. He must be a very gentle user, or an infrequent one.

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