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Nov. 18th, 2008 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickLet us revisit the Perfect Hokeyness that is Twilight and its quels. I'd just about mentioned how it was a fine piece of work that straddled the divide between my inner tween and the adult me and hinted that there might be snark when I was interrupted by that most cumbersome vicissitude of daily life, namely my day job which is, alas, not making fun of YA novelties.
For those who haven't any idea what the books are about, here's the rundown. Our heroine (accident-prone, reasonably bright, firmly brunette, neither beaten with the ugly stick nor caressed with the wand of pulchritude) Bella (short for Isabella) moves in with her dad, who lives in a small town near Seattle or Portland or something... coastal Washington or Oregon. It rains a lot, there, and so the vampires can go outside pretty reasonably. At her new school, Bella falls straightaway in love with the vampire Edward, who is good and noble and whatnot, does not eat people. He eats mountain lions. Grizzlies. Probably cute fluffy bunnies, too, but he likes things with less Disney appeal for preference. Edward, who is going through the motions of high school for the nth time (he's close to a hundred years old), is very attractive and a good student and so forth. He's also rich. (All the vampires (even the bad ones) are snappy dressers with flair and uncommon good looks. It is as if becoming a vampire entitles you to free Queer Eye for the Undead Guy -- instantly, you can accessorize and you have good hair and stuff.) He has a cool vampire family (by choice rather than, er, by blood), all of whom don't eat people as a general rule.
As a MYFFIC BEAN, Edward reminds me (at least in terms of his... appetites) of Spike of BtVS fame. To Edward, Bella smells like she would taste divine but Edward wants more than *just* to eat her. (I would like, at this juncture, to state that these books make no mention of the blood that Bella sheds unbidden every month. My happy inner twelve year old enjoyment of the books and their largely chaste romance is repeatedly ruined by thoughts like, "Dude, I bet he can totally smell that on her. Why are they *wasting* it? It'd be fun for everybody, on multiple levels..." Maybe I am the only person who thinks this way? Nah. Can't be.) In case we were in the dark (heh, heh) about Edward and his views of t3h h4wt s3x0r, this is cleared up for us about two-thirds of the way through the first book. At that point, in a charming and tasteful and (above all) circumspect conversation, Edward reveals that he can and does appreciate Bella as more than a hors d' ouevre.
In that scene, Bella (the handy first-person very empathizeable narrator) is asking Edward all kinds of questions about being a vampire. They're in her bedroom, on the bed, kind of snuggling. Edward stays the night to watch over her when she sleeps and stuff. He does not try to do improper things during snuggling b/c he is busy trying to not-eat-Bella and really, kissing her tastefully is about all he can manage without losing control.
*****
"One more, then, tonight..." And I blushed. The darkness was no help — I'm sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.
"What is it?"
"No, forget it. I changed my mind."
"Bella, you can ask me anything."
I didn't answer, and he groaned.
"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."
"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."
"Please?" His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.
I shook my head.
"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," he threatened darkly. "Please?"
Again, that pleading voice.
"Well," I began, glad that he couldn't see my face.
"Yes?"
"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon... Is that... marriage... the same as it is for humans?"
He laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what you're getting at?"
I fidgeted, unable to answer.
"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," he said. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."
"Oh," was all I could say.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"
"Well, I did wonder... about you and me... someday..."
He was instantly serious, I could tell by the sudden stillness of his body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.
"I don't think that... that... would be possible for us."
*****
So. She loves him. He loves her. They love each other. They can't exactly be together because Danger, Danger and He'll Eat You Right Up! It's all very chaste and tasteful.
These books read absolutely delighfully if you sort of overlay "fucking" where it has "becoming a vampire". I thought at first that it was just me pushing the books into that shape in my own mind but I've given over on that. The books *are* that shape and I'm not the one doing the pushing. Totally. Edward will only "make her a vampire" if she marries him first. She wants (this is still done so very circumspectly that it's delightfully squeaky-clean, like High School Musical is) to do him while she's still human. He doesn't know about that (see above conversation) but whatever. Right now, at the end of book 3, there's a date and a ring and a dress and a tenative deflowering game plan. I really should read the fourth book. Really.
One final note of interest to us all (To me. Every time I say "of interest to us all", what I really mean is "of interest to me".): The actor who is portraying Edward, the shining paragon (In sunlight he goes all sparklypoo! I only wish I were kidding.) of respectful and honorable restraint in the face of his great hunger for Sins of the Flesh, is the same personage who (some years ago) portrayed the very attractive Boy Who Didn't Live, Cedric Diggory. (I have *always* thought he would make a fine-looking dead guy. See here.)
For those who haven't any idea what the books are about, here's the rundown. Our heroine (accident-prone, reasonably bright, firmly brunette, neither beaten with the ugly stick nor caressed with the wand of pulchritude) Bella (short for Isabella) moves in with her dad, who lives in a small town near Seattle or Portland or something... coastal Washington or Oregon. It rains a lot, there, and so the vampires can go outside pretty reasonably. At her new school, Bella falls straightaway in love with the vampire Edward, who is good and noble and whatnot, does not eat people. He eats mountain lions. Grizzlies. Probably cute fluffy bunnies, too, but he likes things with less Disney appeal for preference. Edward, who is going through the motions of high school for the nth time (he's close to a hundred years old), is very attractive and a good student and so forth. He's also rich. (All the vampires (even the bad ones) are snappy dressers with flair and uncommon good looks. It is as if becoming a vampire entitles you to free Queer Eye for the Undead Guy -- instantly, you can accessorize and you have good hair and stuff.) He has a cool vampire family (by choice rather than, er, by blood), all of whom don't eat people as a general rule.
As a MYFFIC BEAN, Edward reminds me (at least in terms of his... appetites) of Spike of BtVS fame. To Edward, Bella smells like she would taste divine but Edward wants more than *just* to eat her. (I would like, at this juncture, to state that these books make no mention of the blood that Bella sheds unbidden every month. My happy inner twelve year old enjoyment of the books and their largely chaste romance is repeatedly ruined by thoughts like, "Dude, I bet he can totally smell that on her. Why are they *wasting* it? It'd be fun for everybody, on multiple levels..." Maybe I am the only person who thinks this way? Nah. Can't be.) In case we were in the dark (heh, heh) about Edward and his views of t3h h4wt s3x0r, this is cleared up for us about two-thirds of the way through the first book. At that point, in a charming and tasteful and (above all) circumspect conversation, Edward reveals that he can and does appreciate Bella as more than a hors d' ouevre.
In that scene, Bella (the handy first-person very empathizeable narrator) is asking Edward all kinds of questions about being a vampire. They're in her bedroom, on the bed, kind of snuggling. Edward stays the night to watch over her when she sleeps and stuff. He does not try to do improper things during snuggling b/c he is busy trying to not-eat-Bella and really, kissing her tastefully is about all he can manage without losing control.
*****
"One more, then, tonight..." And I blushed. The darkness was no help — I'm sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.
"What is it?"
"No, forget it. I changed my mind."
"Bella, you can ask me anything."
I didn't answer, and he groaned.
"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."
"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."
"Please?" His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist.
I shook my head.
"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," he threatened darkly. "Please?"
Again, that pleading voice.
"Well," I began, glad that he couldn't see my face.
"Yes?"
"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon... Is that... marriage... the same as it is for humans?"
He laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what you're getting at?"
I fidgeted, unable to answer.
"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," he said. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."
"Oh," was all I could say.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"
"Well, I did wonder... about you and me... someday..."
He was instantly serious, I could tell by the sudden stillness of his body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.
"I don't think that... that... would be possible for us."
*****
So. She loves him. He loves her. They love each other. They can't exactly be together because Danger, Danger and He'll Eat You Right Up! It's all very chaste and tasteful.
These books read absolutely delighfully if you sort of overlay "fucking" where it has "becoming a vampire". I thought at first that it was just me pushing the books into that shape in my own mind but I've given over on that. The books *are* that shape and I'm not the one doing the pushing. Totally. Edward will only "make her a vampire" if she marries him first. She wants (this is still done so very circumspectly that it's delightfully squeaky-clean, like High School Musical is) to do him while she's still human. He doesn't know about that (see above conversation) but whatever. Right now, at the end of book 3, there's a date and a ring and a dress and a tenative deflowering game plan. I really should read the fourth book. Really.
One final note of interest to us all (To me. Every time I say "of interest to us all", what I really mean is "of interest to me".): The actor who is portraying Edward, the shining paragon (In sunlight he goes all sparklypoo! I only wish I were kidding.) of respectful and honorable restraint in the face of his great hunger for Sins of the Flesh, is the same personage who (some years ago) portrayed the very attractive Boy Who Didn't Live, Cedric Diggory. (I have *always* thought he would make a fine-looking dead guy. See here.)
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no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 03:57 am (UTC)Then obsess over their own fictional characters o.O
no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 01:39 pm (UTC)However, I respectfully submit that we've got depictions of vamps living on things like blood from bank baggies (in Forever Knight -- though I think that's cow blood anyway -- and also Spike in BtVS) and that sort of solution is neither warm (stored in the fridge) nor having a heartbeat. Cold comfort, indeed.
Our man Edward (who does not melt or burn in sunlight but instead goes all quartzlike sparklypoo and thus is arguably a different sort of vampire anyway) has not particularly clarified this question during one of his several Q&A sessions with Bella, nor has Bella (who is usually pretty clueful) thought to raise this question to him. I guess they're all just there, chastely hanging out and cuddling and pretending that she doesn't bleed. *sigh* People are so funny, sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 02:56 pm (UTC)No, it's the fact that menstrual blood (yes, I meant menstrual, but shows you what I've been typing all too often about lately) has already clotted and then what comes out is the actually clotted blood, not loose liquidy blood.
Loose liquidy blood like at the blood bank is not clotted or "rotten blood" as I've heard it called by someone in the medical field.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 10:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 11:08 pm (UTC)