(no subject)
Oct. 17th, 2008 11:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickWhenever I think I might like to date someone, I page through the local craigslist personals. Clears any urges I might have in that direction *right* up.
Personal ads in the M4W section sort into about five categories.
1. "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens." (gag) These are the sentimental and fuzzy warm "want to be loved" posts. While I'm sure that many of us want to be loved, generally I feel that shoving all your fuzzy emotional stuff out in front before we're on a first name basis is maybe on a par with shoving all your fuzzy genitalia out in front before we're on a first name basis, which brings me to ...
2. "Here's a picture of my cock." While they waste no time getting to the point, these guys kind of miss their target audience. I do not know *any* women who pick their men out by what their erect penises look like. (I do, however, know a whole pile of women who pick their dildoes based on what they look like, what size they are, and how they're shaped. For dildoes, aesthetics are kind of important.) When shopping for cock, though, the qualities of the human being attached to it sort of dwarf the dimensional and aesthetic qualities of the cock itself. It's not that I don't care, mind, but more that I'm willing to work with a wide range of acceptable normal variation so long as the human being that it's attached to is reasonably enjoyable.
3. "Financially secure..." I can't help but read these ads as "I want to pay you to have sex with me." Maybe that's not what they want, but if the bulk of the damn ad talks about how the guy can "help" with expenses or tuition or something, it sure reads to me like "I want to pay you to have sex with me." Of course, if I am reading incorrectly and these guys just want to hand out free money to deserving women without anyone fucking anyone else, could someone please tell me so that I can hook up with 'em?
4. "BBW/Cougars wanted" These ads scream "I want you to pay me to fuck you." Invariably the guys in them are younger, in their early or mid-twenties, and I guess they think there's money to be made fucking older women or fatter women or older, fatter women. I probably qualify (at my age) as one of these and I am trying like hell not to qualify for the other. Regardless of my status, though, I ain't paying for it.
5. "I want to cheat on my wife. I want someone who wants to cheat on her husband so that we have Mutually Assured Destruction." Eww. I don't generally approve of helping other people cheat on their spouses. Just. Eww.
Over this veritable smorgasboard of male need, taking the edges off and softening the outlines, there is the chiffon curtain of category 6, which can be added to any of the previous categories as a pleasure enhancing device. (I kid, I kid.)
6. "I am batshit insane. Seriously. Also, I can't spell or punctuate." (Helpful hint: Going on at length beyond one screen of text rings the batshit alarm. [No, NOT like when I do it on livejournal. That's different. Here, I'm allowed.])
In the expressive pidgin of LOLcats: Do Not Want.
Personal ads in the M4W section sort into about five categories.
1. "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens." (gag) These are the sentimental and fuzzy warm "want to be loved" posts. While I'm sure that many of us want to be loved, generally I feel that shoving all your fuzzy emotional stuff out in front before we're on a first name basis is maybe on a par with shoving all your fuzzy genitalia out in front before we're on a first name basis, which brings me to ...
2. "Here's a picture of my cock." While they waste no time getting to the point, these guys kind of miss their target audience. I do not know *any* women who pick their men out by what their erect penises look like. (I do, however, know a whole pile of women who pick their dildoes based on what they look like, what size they are, and how they're shaped. For dildoes, aesthetics are kind of important.) When shopping for cock, though, the qualities of the human being attached to it sort of dwarf the dimensional and aesthetic qualities of the cock itself. It's not that I don't care, mind, but more that I'm willing to work with a wide range of acceptable normal variation so long as the human being that it's attached to is reasonably enjoyable.
3. "Financially secure..." I can't help but read these ads as "I want to pay you to have sex with me." Maybe that's not what they want, but if the bulk of the damn ad talks about how the guy can "help" with expenses or tuition or something, it sure reads to me like "I want to pay you to have sex with me." Of course, if I am reading incorrectly and these guys just want to hand out free money to deserving women without anyone fucking anyone else, could someone please tell me so that I can hook up with 'em?
4. "BBW/Cougars wanted" These ads scream "I want you to pay me to fuck you." Invariably the guys in them are younger, in their early or mid-twenties, and I guess they think there's money to be made fucking older women or fatter women or older, fatter women. I probably qualify (at my age) as one of these and I am trying like hell not to qualify for the other. Regardless of my status, though, I ain't paying for it.
5. "I want to cheat on my wife. I want someone who wants to cheat on her husband so that we have Mutually Assured Destruction." Eww. I don't generally approve of helping other people cheat on their spouses. Just. Eww.
Over this veritable smorgasboard of male need, taking the edges off and softening the outlines, there is the chiffon curtain of category 6, which can be added to any of the previous categories as a pleasure enhancing device. (I kid, I kid.)
6. "I am batshit insane. Seriously. Also, I can't spell or punctuate." (Helpful hint: Going on at length beyond one screen of text rings the batshit alarm. [No, NOT like when I do it on livejournal. That's different. Here, I'm allowed.])
In the expressive pidgin of LOLcats: Do Not Want.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-19 01:42 am (UTC)Anyway, I'm sure you've used IRC a few times, so you'll get a kick out of this. At the time, my friend was trying to find us a good 5v5 game of CS. All of a sudden he just goes, "God dammit..." And I ask what the problem is, and he replies, "I just copypasted a craigslist reply into the IRC channel." I start laughing, as he follows with, "...I just got banned for 5 minutes."
The internet: not the best place for dating.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-19 02:45 am (UTC)I've done my time on IRC, yes. It's actually a medium where I do quite well -- none of the annoying facial expression stuff, I don't have to think about how far away to stand from people, and nobody expects me to pick up on their nonverbal cues because there aren't any nonverbal cues. What IRC does is force the flesh people to interact with me on a level playing field, and it's really kind of fun because when I don't have to deal with all the other crap, I don't mind talking to people.
However, IRC is also a nonproductive time sink which keeps me from doing wholesome and educational activities in the real world... so I haven't touched it much at all since I quit sitting in front of a computer for eight(plus) hours a day.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-19 08:26 pm (UTC)As for IRC, I tend to avoid it for the reason you mentioned. I time sink on enough stuff as it is, the last thing I need to do is invest more time into anything computer.