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Jul. 19th, 2008 11:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickAs the previous entry disclosed, I went to see the new Batman Movie (apparently called The Dark Knight) and it was a good movie if not very much about Batman and rather a lot more about the Joker, a fact which in no way detracted from the film itself, which was delightful.
Carmike Cinemas, I am talking directly to you. Please listen up.
After I have paid my eight bucks (I live in the boondocks) to get into the movie, it is NOT OK to spend half an hour showing me fucking ads.
Not only that, it is a crime against nature to use the music and visual scenes from The Breakfast Club to market JC Penney's to the current generation of people who will be wearing back-to-school fashions. Fuckers.
In my opinion, the salient point here is that The Breakfast Club is not *the* movie of the Youth of Today. That is not *their* movie. The people for whom The Breakfast Club was *the* teen movie are now pushing forty. Hard. Don't do this. Asshats. Why couldn't you have used Napolean Dynamite instead? I guess High School Musical wanted too much money?
Just... don't.
Did I stutter?
Finally, I think that perhaps eight fucking movie trailers was a bit much. I have patience for about three. Eight? Eight is not enough, it's way too fucking many.
Movie Trailer #1: Step Brother Shitheads, starring that Farrell person who has only one character. Limited range, for an actor. I can't believe this movie got the nod for production. Who the hell funded this? Who thought this would make money?
Movie Trailer #2: Spooky movie about Evil Mirror People, cunningly entitled MIrrors: Not my cup of tea. Probably doesn't suck any more than other horror films.
Movie Trailer #3: Making a Vietnam Movie in Latin America and getting into an actual fight with guerrillas or something. This could be amusing if I were in the habit of attending the theater while intoxicated.
Movie Trailer #4: They're making another Terminator movie, this one encouragingly called "The Beginning of the End". I guess "The End of the End" is too much to hope for?
Movie Trailer #5: The Watchmen. Another comic book movie, looks like it has a halfway decent visual aesthetic but beyond that I don't know. Bills itself as a *graphic novel* movie, which may mean that there are boobies.
Movie Trailer #6: The X Files Movie. My God, Mulder looks fat. And old. And he's not gonna kiss Scully anyway. He's really in love with (a) his boss or (b) Alex. I know. I've read the fanfic.
Movie Trailer #7: The Mummy #3. No. I saw one Mummy movie and that was enough.
Movie Trailer #8: Space Chimps. I would rather remove both of my own eyes with a corkscrew.
The movie industry wonders why people don't go to the fucking movies anymore. Once I've paid to see the movie, I really don't want to spend the next half an hour (easy) being a captive audience for marketing through which you capture additional revenue. I want like three previews and then the movie. I don't want half an hour of ads and EIGHT FUCKING PREVIEWS. I've addressed this before and I really think that you have a lot of room for improving the movie-going experience, here.
Attention, movie people: I do not go to the movies so that I can be vaguely pissed-off by the time you get to the Feature Presentation.
*sigh* I've BEEN OVER THIS BEFORE, DIPSHITS. Are you even listening?
Edited to add: I missed one of the movie trailers. We also saw Movie Trailer #9: Guy experiences voting irregularity, holds up election of the president. This is a movie designed for people who do not understand that the fucking president, as we ALL should have learned in eighth grade civics class, is elected by the fucking electoral college, a group of people made up of your congresscritters plus also a couple of folks for the residents of Washington, DC. You can learn more about the electoral college here but all you really need to know is this: Ordinary civilians DO NOT directly elect the President of the United States in the popular election. (I'm not really sure why we have a popular election for president.) There is NO WAY that one guy having to be a provisional voter or whatever would hold up the election of the president. None. And also, not that this matters, if there is some question about your qualifications as a voter, the polls (I work the polls for my borough) are instructed to let you cast a provisional ballot which is then judged for viability by your local board of elections. This happens in fairly short order after the election and there is no way, due to the privacy and stuff of the voting booth, that the political parties would know who the contested vote belonged to and so courting the contested voter after the vote was cast wouldn't ever happen b/c you aren't allowed to change your vote once you've cast it. This fucking movie, the whole of it, is less realistic than talking chimpanzees.
Carmike Cinemas, I am talking directly to you. Please listen up.
After I have paid my eight bucks (I live in the boondocks) to get into the movie, it is NOT OK to spend half an hour showing me fucking ads.
Not only that, it is a crime against nature to use the music and visual scenes from The Breakfast Club to market JC Penney's to the current generation of people who will be wearing back-to-school fashions. Fuckers.
In my opinion, the salient point here is that The Breakfast Club is not *the* movie of the Youth of Today. That is not *their* movie. The people for whom The Breakfast Club was *the* teen movie are now pushing forty. Hard. Don't do this. Asshats. Why couldn't you have used Napolean Dynamite instead? I guess High School Musical wanted too much money?
Just... don't.
Did I stutter?
Finally, I think that perhaps eight fucking movie trailers was a bit much. I have patience for about three. Eight? Eight is not enough, it's way too fucking many.
Movie Trailer #1: Step Brother Shitheads, starring that Farrell person who has only one character. Limited range, for an actor. I can't believe this movie got the nod for production. Who the hell funded this? Who thought this would make money?
Movie Trailer #2: Spooky movie about Evil Mirror People, cunningly entitled MIrrors: Not my cup of tea. Probably doesn't suck any more than other horror films.
Movie Trailer #3: Making a Vietnam Movie in Latin America and getting into an actual fight with guerrillas or something. This could be amusing if I were in the habit of attending the theater while intoxicated.
Movie Trailer #4: They're making another Terminator movie, this one encouragingly called "The Beginning of the End". I guess "The End of the End" is too much to hope for?
Movie Trailer #5: The Watchmen. Another comic book movie, looks like it has a halfway decent visual aesthetic but beyond that I don't know. Bills itself as a *graphic novel* movie, which may mean that there are boobies.
Movie Trailer #6: The X Files Movie. My God, Mulder looks fat. And old. And he's not gonna kiss Scully anyway. He's really in love with (a) his boss or (b) Alex. I know. I've read the fanfic.
Movie Trailer #7: The Mummy #3. No. I saw one Mummy movie and that was enough.
Movie Trailer #8: Space Chimps. I would rather remove both of my own eyes with a corkscrew.
The movie industry wonders why people don't go to the fucking movies anymore. Once I've paid to see the movie, I really don't want to spend the next half an hour (easy) being a captive audience for marketing through which you capture additional revenue. I want like three previews and then the movie. I don't want half an hour of ads and EIGHT FUCKING PREVIEWS. I've addressed this before and I really think that you have a lot of room for improving the movie-going experience, here.
Attention, movie people: I do not go to the movies so that I can be vaguely pissed-off by the time you get to the Feature Presentation.
*sigh* I've BEEN OVER THIS BEFORE, DIPSHITS. Are you even listening?
Edited to add: I missed one of the movie trailers. We also saw Movie Trailer #9: Guy experiences voting irregularity, holds up election of the president. This is a movie designed for people who do not understand that the fucking president, as we ALL should have learned in eighth grade civics class, is elected by the fucking electoral college, a group of people made up of your congresscritters plus also a couple of folks for the residents of Washington, DC. You can learn more about the electoral college here but all you really need to know is this: Ordinary civilians DO NOT directly elect the President of the United States in the popular election. (I'm not really sure why we have a popular election for president.) There is NO WAY that one guy having to be a provisional voter or whatever would hold up the election of the president. None. And also, not that this matters, if there is some question about your qualifications as a voter, the polls (I work the polls for my borough) are instructed to let you cast a provisional ballot which is then judged for viability by your local board of elections. This happens in fairly short order after the election and there is no way, due to the privacy and stuff of the voting booth, that the political parties would know who the contested vote belonged to and so courting the contested voter after the vote was cast wouldn't ever happen b/c you aren't allowed to change your vote once you've cast it. This fucking movie, the whole of it, is less realistic than talking chimpanzees.
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 03:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 03:25 am (UTC)I really hope that Watchmen turns out okay. You should check out the graphic novel.
They showed you a trailer for Space Chimps? That came out the same day as Batman.....I think that one was actually a mistake by a projectionist. (I worked at a movie theater for six years and we never put out new movies with old trailers.) Then again, they may have had an order to put that trailer on.
I completely agree about the JC Penny ad. That was just painful to watch.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 03:47 am (UTC)Isn't Schwarzenegger busy being, you know GOVERNOR? Isn't it a bit irresponsible of him to be gallivanting around on a movie set?
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 04:01 am (UTC)Terminator is becoming what Alien became before it. A parody of 2 decent sci-fi movies.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 05:33 am (UTC)(Insert here my complaint about how all we've been getting this decade is remakes and sequels of stuff. Granted, some of them have been amazingly awesome, but riddle me this: what are people going to be remaking in 2028 if this trend continues? Eh?)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 10:51 pm (UTC)We didn't have too many previews, though. Just the world's shortest HP teaser (it said harry potter on the screen, basically) Watchmen and I think maybe one other thing. Short and sweet. The movie itself is god damn long enough as it is.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-21 12:07 pm (UTC)Of course, fate made up for this improved viewing experience by including in the audience at least *two* practitioners of the horrible-creepy-laugh. Where's that selective white-noise nullifier, geniuses of the 21st century? You can have your flying cars and vacations on the Moon, but I want a selective white-noise nullifier, so's I don't have to listen to TV sets in bars, restaurants, and airport terminals, or random jackasses in public.