(no subject)

[which_chick]

I know that I'm not supposed to google people I knew way back in the day and have lost track of along life's highway. I know I am not supposed to do that. It only leads to unhappiness and the kinds of conversations that, yo, a person wishes she were not having as soon as she gets them well started. Along with looking at all the pictures on rotten.com (Does that still exist? Yes. Not sure if it's still got the gunshot photo galleries sorted by caliber, but there's enough there that any n00b wandering in will learn how difficult it is to unsee things. Hint: do not look at the gloving injuries.), I peel scabs, cannot let a sleeping dog lie, and google things that, in a previous world, would just dangle as the loose ends of my life.



To cut short the suspense, today's inadvisable use of google was this guy I knew in high school. And, unlike the about five million times (Obsessive much? Not me.) that I have tried this previously, I actually rang the cherries this time.

I have (1) a probably-working email address (2) a place of employment with a phone number (3) a set of January/February '08 craigslist ads placed by him looking to share a three bedroom house. (Buh? The dude was married, last I heard. Doesn't appear to be so now.) It's the correct person, that much I know is true. There are pictures, you see. The hair is gone but the eyes and the jawline are exactly right.

Is there an etiquette for this sort of thing? Like, "Dude, I know we haven't spoken in twenty years, but I'm curious. Are you still married? See, in my stalkery wanderings, I came upon this craigslist ad that you posted to share a house and it's just that married people don't usually do stuff like that. If you're ex-married, you might drop me a line. I once told you to come back when you were forty-odd and your marriage had fallen apart. This is a couple of years early, but I would still be willing to score it a win. Or, y'know, just score it."

Hrmm. Now that it's written out, I can see that it flashes a neon-pink *STALKER* banner. Probably not a good idea, then. I'm all over the better part of valor, here.

How about this one: "I've been contacted by the high school reunion committee to use the Power of the Internet (tm) to locate the people that the reunion committee is having trouble finding by normal means. (This is true.) I told 'em I would help out with that (also true) but then I got to thinking that maybe my google-fu wasn't quite as good as I thought it was (Complete bullshit. My google-fu is spectacular.) so I figured I would give it a test drive. You were what I picked to google. Anyway, this is just to confirm my google-fu. (Yeah. Riiiight.) Also, the high school class is having a reunion that I don't want to attend which will be populated with people I don't much want to see although I'd go if you were there just to look at you for balm on an old, healed-up injury that twinges a bit in cold, damp weather. No, I don't know when the reunion is yet. No, I don't know where it will be, either. In all honesty that reunion shit is just pretextual excusery. I am stalking you because I thought you were really, really hot twenty years ago and it's a cold, damp night in March that brings the memories back."

No. Again with the creepy scary thing.

My God, I'm a freak.

Comments

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

The first sentence of the second one isn't at all stalkery: "I've been contacted..." You could follow that up with, "I came across your e-mail address and wanted to find out if you're the right person. So how are you doing," blah, blah, blah. I've done that sort of thing before, and had it done to me, as well. I even had a former crush contact *me*, much to my surprise. So you never know. Give it a shot, but keep it brief and semi-professional until you get a response. Good luck!

[cousin-sue.livejournal.com]

Or you could do what I've done. "Hey! Is this you? Remember me? I saw this on Craig's list and wondered! How're things going?"

[which-chick.livejournal.com]

(I'm disappointed that nobody liked pretextual excusery. I thought it was one of my better efforts.)

[gwangi.livejournal.com]

I don't actually think the second one is all that creepy at all. Especially since everybody, even this dude, has almost certainly used the internets to look up old flames. It's normal, and he should be flattered you still think he's a hottie.