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Jan. 20th, 2008 08:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickWhat goes in each data slot on the data sheet for A Longitudinal Study of Idealized Heteronormative Sexual Experiences, as Limned By Romance Novels, 1980-2008
Book: Book is referred to by the following numeric code:
1995AH1 -> 1995 cohort (1995-1999), Author book, Historical book, 1st in the master list
1980SM3 -> 1980 cohort (1980-1984), Series book, Modern book, 3rd in the master list
Master List not yet online b/c I am still working on it. I got nothing after 1999 -- so it's wide open if you have recently-printed anything out there. Just follow the model and go for it. Oh, and as per suggestions from the floor, supernatural crap will be allowed to attend the party. *sigh* So, y'know, vampire smut is allowed, may the lord have mercy on my soul.
Book code goes in upper, right-hand corner of evaluation sheet.
Now, all the following information goes in a column down the left hand margin, one after the other, except where stated otherwise.
Heroine: The girl in the book. If there is more than one girl, it's the main girl. First and last names, please, for these.
Hero: The guy in the book. He's usually the "good" guy, the one who ends up with the girl.
Put V (for virgin) or NV (for non-virgin) after the heroine and hero names. If it's not
told to you, just leave it blank for that character.
Pages in book: Flip to the end of the book. Look for the last numbered page. That's
what you put for "pages in book".
Sex page #: This is the page number upon which Our Hero and Our Heroine first have
actual penis-in-vagina intercourse.
The following items are hashmark items. Put one hash in for each instance.
Kissing -- he kisses her, villian kisses her, she kisses him, whatever so long as Heroine is involved in the kissing. Put one hash for each instance of kissing. If it's like a scene, he slams her up against the door and kisses her into silliness, that's one hashmark until he lets go of her again even though there may be assumed to be several kisses in that instance of kissing.
Boobs -- hash for each time anyone (even the bad guy) fondles the heroine's boobs. As with kissing, you put one hash for each event even though, in a given boob-fondle event, the hero may fondle each boob seperately or them together or suck on 'em or give her a pearl necklace or whatever. It's an event-based count, here, not a per-fondle metric. For any event with boob-fondling, from when he starts until he lets go of her again, it's one mark in the "boobs" column even though there may be several discrete fondles in that encounter.
His hand, her twat -- hash for him putting his hand down her pants / up her skirt. Count also if it's the bad guy doing it. Anyone puts a hand on the heroine's bits, make a hash. If, as in the early scenes of (movie) The Libertine, there's a hand on her bits for some time, even if our heroine comes her (few) brains out, that's one hash mark.
Hand Plop -- this is the specific incident wherein the hero (or other male character) grabs the heroine's hand and plops it on his (frequently clothed) erection, usually with a statement along the lines of "Feel how much I want you..." Note that, in this instance, the actor is THE GUY and that this is NOT where you put a hash mark for Our Heroine going for The Hero's goodies of her own accord.
Her hand, his cock -- hash for her putting her hand down his pants, of her own free will. It's okay if he *tells* her to do so as long as he's not grabbing her hand and plopping it down FOR her. If he's grabbing her hand and plopping it down, use the Hand Plop category (above) instead.
He goes down on her -- hash for oral sex where, yo, he goes down on her. This need not be to orgasm.
She goes down on him -- hash for oral sex where yadda yadda yadda.
Fucking -- him on top
Fucking -- her on top
Fucking -- doggy style
Fucking -- other (please clarify)
I do not want to get into how you count the thing if they shift around a bit while fucking. If the book you are reading has got them fucking long enough to shift positions several well-detailed times, you are reading a porn book and not a romance novel. Step away from the Laurell K. Hamilton shelf and put the book down before someone gets hurt.
Rape scene -- put a hash for rape, successful only. Attempted rape by bad guy is prevalent enough that it's not worth remarking on and is not the focus of this study. Not interested unless the rapist actually manages to spend inside her.
Anal sex -- Hell, it could happen. It probably *won't* but I'm going for thorough, here. Put a hash here for any instances of penis-in-butt that you might run into in your travels. It's gotta be (not that I should need to say this) the Heroine's butt, natch.
Kink (explain) -- Kink has to be actual kink. He's got to tie her up. There has to be spanking. There should be foot-worship or strap-ons or breath control. If you, yourself, could manage the activity without having to visit specialty retailers catering to kink, it's probably not kinky enough to be worth counting. Blowjobs are not kinky. The hero holding the Heroine's hands above her head while fucking her is also not kinky. It's gotta be like a standard deviation off the norm to qualify, here. Use your judgment on this.
Other (explain) -- "Other" is for other sexual activity of note that you think is important and should be contained in the count. I don't have any idea what you might put here, but I'm sure someone will find something. This space is for that something.
Fucking, no orgasm (her) -- happens, not frequently, but should be counted. Put a hash here if she fucks and doesn't come. (Just because you've already counted the fucking elsewhere, perhaps in "fucking, him on top," you can still rate the fucking here if necessary. They are not mutually-exclusive counts.)
Fucking, no orgasm (him) -- I haven't seen this one, but it could happen. Put a hash here if they fuck and he doesn't come.
Bi? -- put a hash here if any major character (hero, heroine, villian) in the book is bisexual and they tell you about it.
Birth control, STDs, unplanned pregnancy -- put a hash here if hero/heroine evidence any interest in what you might call the day-to-day mechanics of responsible swiving. Put a hash for each evidence. If there's a condom used, if there's a discussion about AIDS, whatever. Be generous with your hashes. Let's give these folks the benefit of the doubt.
Wanking -- if anyone masturbates in this book, put a hash here. You can count "masturbation for an audience" should that actually occur. It's not masturbation if the character is not doing it to himself or herself. If our hero has his hand up the heroine's skirt, using his hands to make her come, that's not wanking and it's covered above under "his hand, her twat".
Marriage -- if the hero and heroine wind up married (or clearly planning a wedding, are officially engaged, etc.), put a hash here.
Nine billion names of God -- one of the most amusing things about romance novels is the way they are afraid to use the usual words for penis, like, say, penis, cock, prick, dick, tarse... Here is where you write every single noun-like word (including "penis") that the author uses to refer to the penis. Please be sure to include things like "manhood" and "himself" when used like "He pressed himself into her hand. She gasped -- he was so hard, so hot..." That, there would be a use of "himself" as a circumlocution for "penis" and a carefully structured "he" to boot. We're all about counting that. We are not counting words that *describe* the penis, like for example "erect, hard, rigid, hot, purple, mushroom-topped, slick..." Those are adjectives and as amusing as they may be, I don't want adjectives. I want nominals. Just make a list. If the author reuses any, make hash marks out to the side of the reused ones. While the data collection and tallying on this nine-billion category is going to be a right royal fucking pain in ass, the amusement value of the resultant data should make it well worth the effort.
The nine-billion is written as a column on the right hand side of the paper (out to the side of the other stuff) so that there will be plenty of room for you to write in. All of this should fit on the front side of one sheet of paper and items should run in the order that they are presented here.
Everybody clear? Questions? Comments? Confusion?
Book: Book is referred to by the following numeric code:
1995AH1 -> 1995 cohort (1995-1999), Author book, Historical book, 1st in the master list
1980SM3 -> 1980 cohort (1980-1984), Series book, Modern book, 3rd in the master list
Master List not yet online b/c I am still working on it. I got nothing after 1999 -- so it's wide open if you have recently-printed anything out there. Just follow the model and go for it. Oh, and as per suggestions from the floor, supernatural crap will be allowed to attend the party. *sigh* So, y'know, vampire smut is allowed, may the lord have mercy on my soul.
Book code goes in upper, right-hand corner of evaluation sheet.
Now, all the following information goes in a column down the left hand margin, one after the other, except where stated otherwise.
Heroine: The girl in the book. If there is more than one girl, it's the main girl. First and last names, please, for these.
Hero: The guy in the book. He's usually the "good" guy, the one who ends up with the girl.
Put V (for virgin) or NV (for non-virgin) after the heroine and hero names. If it's not
told to you, just leave it blank for that character.
Pages in book: Flip to the end of the book. Look for the last numbered page. That's
what you put for "pages in book".
Sex page #: This is the page number upon which Our Hero and Our Heroine first have
actual penis-in-vagina intercourse.
The following items are hashmark items. Put one hash in for each instance.
Kissing -- he kisses her, villian kisses her, she kisses him, whatever so long as Heroine is involved in the kissing. Put one hash for each instance of kissing. If it's like a scene, he slams her up against the door and kisses her into silliness, that's one hashmark until he lets go of her again even though there may be assumed to be several kisses in that instance of kissing.
Boobs -- hash for each time anyone (even the bad guy) fondles the heroine's boobs. As with kissing, you put one hash for each event even though, in a given boob-fondle event, the hero may fondle each boob seperately or them together or suck on 'em or give her a pearl necklace or whatever. It's an event-based count, here, not a per-fondle metric. For any event with boob-fondling, from when he starts until he lets go of her again, it's one mark in the "boobs" column even though there may be several discrete fondles in that encounter.
His hand, her twat -- hash for him putting his hand down her pants / up her skirt. Count also if it's the bad guy doing it. Anyone puts a hand on the heroine's bits, make a hash. If, as in the early scenes of (movie) The Libertine, there's a hand on her bits for some time, even if our heroine comes her (few) brains out, that's one hash mark.
Hand Plop -- this is the specific incident wherein the hero (or other male character) grabs the heroine's hand and plops it on his (frequently clothed) erection, usually with a statement along the lines of "Feel how much I want you..." Note that, in this instance, the actor is THE GUY and that this is NOT where you put a hash mark for Our Heroine going for The Hero's goodies of her own accord.
Her hand, his cock -- hash for her putting her hand down his pants, of her own free will. It's okay if he *tells* her to do so as long as he's not grabbing her hand and plopping it down FOR her. If he's grabbing her hand and plopping it down, use the Hand Plop category (above) instead.
He goes down on her -- hash for oral sex where, yo, he goes down on her. This need not be to orgasm.
She goes down on him -- hash for oral sex where yadda yadda yadda.
Fucking -- him on top
Fucking -- her on top
Fucking -- doggy style
Fucking -- other (please clarify)
I do not want to get into how you count the thing if they shift around a bit while fucking. If the book you are reading has got them fucking long enough to shift positions several well-detailed times, you are reading a porn book and not a romance novel. Step away from the Laurell K. Hamilton shelf and put the book down before someone gets hurt.
Rape scene -- put a hash for rape, successful only. Attempted rape by bad guy is prevalent enough that it's not worth remarking on and is not the focus of this study. Not interested unless the rapist actually manages to spend inside her.
Anal sex -- Hell, it could happen. It probably *won't* but I'm going for thorough, here. Put a hash here for any instances of penis-in-butt that you might run into in your travels. It's gotta be (not that I should need to say this) the Heroine's butt, natch.
Kink (explain) -- Kink has to be actual kink. He's got to tie her up. There has to be spanking. There should be foot-worship or strap-ons or breath control. If you, yourself, could manage the activity without having to visit specialty retailers catering to kink, it's probably not kinky enough to be worth counting. Blowjobs are not kinky. The hero holding the Heroine's hands above her head while fucking her is also not kinky. It's gotta be like a standard deviation off the norm to qualify, here. Use your judgment on this.
Other (explain) -- "Other" is for other sexual activity of note that you think is important and should be contained in the count. I don't have any idea what you might put here, but I'm sure someone will find something. This space is for that something.
Fucking, no orgasm (her) -- happens, not frequently, but should be counted. Put a hash here if she fucks and doesn't come. (Just because you've already counted the fucking elsewhere, perhaps in "fucking, him on top," you can still rate the fucking here if necessary. They are not mutually-exclusive counts.)
Fucking, no orgasm (him) -- I haven't seen this one, but it could happen. Put a hash here if they fuck and he doesn't come.
Bi? -- put a hash here if any major character (hero, heroine, villian) in the book is bisexual and they tell you about it.
Birth control, STDs, unplanned pregnancy -- put a hash here if hero/heroine evidence any interest in what you might call the day-to-day mechanics of responsible swiving. Put a hash for each evidence. If there's a condom used, if there's a discussion about AIDS, whatever. Be generous with your hashes. Let's give these folks the benefit of the doubt.
Wanking -- if anyone masturbates in this book, put a hash here. You can count "masturbation for an audience" should that actually occur. It's not masturbation if the character is not doing it to himself or herself. If our hero has his hand up the heroine's skirt, using his hands to make her come, that's not wanking and it's covered above under "his hand, her twat".
Marriage -- if the hero and heroine wind up married (or clearly planning a wedding, are officially engaged, etc.), put a hash here.
Nine billion names of God -- one of the most amusing things about romance novels is the way they are afraid to use the usual words for penis, like, say, penis, cock, prick, dick, tarse... Here is where you write every single noun-like word (including "penis") that the author uses to refer to the penis. Please be sure to include things like "manhood" and "himself" when used like "He pressed himself into her hand. She gasped -- he was so hard, so hot..." That, there would be a use of "himself" as a circumlocution for "penis" and a carefully structured "he" to boot. We're all about counting that. We are not counting words that *describe* the penis, like for example "erect, hard, rigid, hot, purple, mushroom-topped, slick..." Those are adjectives and as amusing as they may be, I don't want adjectives. I want nominals. Just make a list. If the author reuses any, make hash marks out to the side of the reused ones. While the data collection and tallying on this nine-billion category is going to be a right royal fucking pain in ass, the amusement value of the resultant data should make it well worth the effort.
The nine-billion is written as a column on the right hand side of the paper (out to the side of the other stuff) so that there will be plenty of room for you to write in. All of this should fit on the front side of one sheet of paper and items should run in the order that they are presented here.
Everybody clear? Questions? Comments? Confusion?
