(no subject)

Went to see Saw with brother Roy last night. The movie choices were not spectacular, because I live in bumfuck and it's not like we have art cinema or anything here. (My exposure to less-mainstream films is by way of DVD -- anyone I know locally buys one, we all watch it because that way you get full value *and* have someone to discuss the film with. Films are things that I have to buy on DVD. Movies are things I can go to Altoona and see in a theater.) At my disposal, I had...

The Polar Express, that horrible Christmas movie with Tom Hanks
Alexander, which has not gotten a single positive review
National Treasure, disqualified by virtue of being a Nicholas Cage film
The Incredibles, which I've already seen
Christmas with the Kranks, which I would not watch if you paid me
Spongebob Squarepants, The Movie, an effort that holds negative appeal for me
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, wasn't she the bitchy british twentysomething? With diaries?
Shall We Dance -- no clue
After the Sunset -- no clue
The Grudge -- Roy said he'd heard it wasn't bad.

and, obviously, Saw, which I'd heard was at least relatively interesting and had a guy cutting off his foot. (Yes, that is a selling point.)

Movie theaters now show huge amounts of ads before they get to the movie. I don't mind movie trailers -- they're one way I find out about new movies -- but I'm a bit peeved about ads for shit like Diet Coke and cell phone services. I am not laying down my money to be marketed consumer goods, damn it.

So, how was it? Not bad. Not bad at all. It was very clever. We thought it was kind of like Se7en in the relative clue and coolness of the serial killer guy and we liked the ending rather a lot. That was the clever part. Full points for having the gun over the mantle in the first act, as it were.

I thought that the colors and lighting were really quite good and set the mood effectively. Set wasn't bad, either. There was a lot of blue and green, very cool and institutional, what with the tile and exposed pipes. We were both impressed with the blond guy's makeup at the end of the movie, how they made him look all pale and stuff.

I never did get what the deal was with the freaky puppet thing, though. That was just disturbing.

The nonlinear narrative... it was okay. That and the not-random fastforwarding of the camera work were kind of effective. We thought that the nonreliable narrators were pretty realistic -- people act that way in real life. I'm not sure I'd enjoy this sort of thing in regular movies and I damn sure wouldn't have wanted more of it in this movie, but this was just enough. It was okay.

There were a few things that royally pissed me off about the movie, though.

1. Stupid cop behavior. They would have called for backup as soon as they found something definite. Even if they were there without much probable cause. They would have called for backup or 911-ambulance as soon as the first guy was down. Man down. They would have called for fucking backup, hot pursuit or no. Cops run *towards* gunfire. Killing one does not scare the rest of them away. It attracts more.

2. Some of the dialogue was a little skiffy. In particular, the "incoming calls only" cellphone. Are there such things? If not, why aren't there? Seems like it'd be a hell of a way to keep track of one's teenagers without running the cellphone bill from hell. This line of inquiry distracted me from several minutes of movie.

3. If you are a chick and you have what you've got reason to believe is an insane madman on his knees in front of you and you're holding a loaded gun on him, the next thing you should do is shoot the bad guy. Yes, even if your baby girl is tied up four feet away for a ringside view of mommy-the-killer. If, for whatever reason, you do not shoot the guy (you fool!), stay at least ten feet away from the motherfucker. If it comes to a hand-to-hand struggle over the gun, he's going to get the gun. You are NOT AS STRONG AS HE IS. It's genetics, which gives fuck-all for equal rights. You are going to have to give up the gun if it comes to hand-to-hand, so don't let the fight go there.

(no subject)

A while back, I mentioned that one of the delightful elements of slash fandom was the enduring/endearing chick trait of talking about what it is that we do. At that time, I pointed out a tremendous essay. Guess what? There's another one, this one from the pen of ellen_fremendon. Go. Have a look.

Sample quote, had me in gales: I mean, a lot of what we write is masturbation material-- not all of it, and not for everyone, but. A lot of it is, and we all know it, and so we can't really pretend that we're only trying to write for our readers' most rarefied sensibilities, you know? We all know right where the Id Vortex is, and we have this agreement to approach it with caution, but without any shame at all.

You're not snickering? Go on, read it again. Id Vortex. *snicker* Go there with it, you know you want to. Oh, indeed. :)

(no subject)

My mother is sending me THREE FUCKING MEGABYTE emails about geneaology because she can't open the attachments. *sigh* I'm all for helping a brutha out, particularly a brutha who wiped my shitty ass for three years and didn't strangle me during my toddler years. However, I'm on a 26.4 Kbps dialup connection at home.

I think it's time we had THE TALK about attachments, proper size of.

While I'm waiting for the damn email to come in, you might like to know that Zar Paint and Varnish Remover works really well. It's good stuff -- I can feel the ozone dissolving from here, even. It's about the consistency of snot (the lable says "semi-paste") and you spread it on with a paintbrush you don't like very much and then scrape it off after it has had some time to soak a bit. There are two pieces of advice that the lable offers and I'm going to reiterate them here for you in case you might be the kind of daft soul who would disregard them, which of course, I would never be. Never.

Advice the first: Use only with adequate ventilation This means open AT LEAST two windows. Even in wintertime. A fan blowing away from your face wouldn't hurt. Outside is better. Are you sure you can't wait until spring? Sniffing can cause death, and this is some methyl-ethyl badshit in the most paint-removerly way possible. Active ingredients are methanol, methylene chloride, and Toluene. None of these are good for you. Open a window. Open another. I'm just saying.

Advice the second: Wear CHEMICAL RESISTANT gloves Even the cheap grocery-store kitchen glubs from Rubbermaid will work. They aren't kidding about this. It doesn't hurt at first. It doesn't hurt for a good five minutes, but after that, it gets quite unpleasant. Er. So I hear.

Whoa. Hold the phone! First email complete. Yippee.

Er. It's a .pdf attachment. It's an UPSIDE-DOWN .pdf as a matter of fact. What the fuck? Okay, .pdf viewer will rotate 180. Now it's right-side-up. Oh, frabjous day! It's a fucking article of indenture. Well, y'know, that's what I want to do with my Sunday evening, translate a fucking indenture from the handwriting of the late 1700's to something my mother can read. Here we go.

This Indenture made this 30th day of January one thousand seven hundred and ninety Between Anne Cornelius and Jonas William Cornelius and and (there are two ands in the original) Iephtha(?) Cornelius of Pittsylvania County of the one part and Daniel Kreyter (this is my best guess on his last name. The last part is --eyter.) of the same place and County aforesaid Witnesseth (they use those stupid f s-characters) that the said Ann Cornelius, Wm. Cornelius and Iephtha (Is this right? I dunno. The ending characters are damn sure --phtha. It was the era of stupid names. It could be Iephtha.) Cornelius for and in consideration of the sum of one hundred pounds to them in hand paid by the said Daniel Kreyser, the receipt whereof the said Ann Cornelius, Wm Cornelius and Iephtha Cornelius doth hereby acknowledge hath bargained, granted, sold, ?offed and conformed and doth by these presents, bargain, grant, sell, infeaff (??) and confer unto him the said Daniel Kreyter his heirs Executors and Administrators forever a certain tract of land lying and being in the County of Pittsylvania containing Two hundred and two acres on both sides of Birch (?) branch of frying pan Creek (that's what it looks like) be the some more or less and adjoining the Lands of Jacob B?rger, David Ross and the Orderland and bounded as followeth, to wit, Beginning at a white oak thence newlines south fifty and half degrees east eighty poles crossing a branch to a small white oak, North forty seven ? degrees East one hundred and eighty poles to pointers North forty six degrees West one hundred eighty four poles to a white oak, Southy fifty seven and a half degrees, west one hundred and forty poles to a white oak, South twenty one and a half degrees East one hundred and forty poles to the first Station, to have and to hold the said Bargain and granted Premises with all the appurtenances and privileges (he spells it with a B???) thereunto belonging to the the said Daniel Kreyder, his heirs and afsigns to his or their own proper use and behoof forever And the said Ann Cornelius, Wm. Cornelius and Iephtha Cornelius doth by these presents warrant and forever defend the said land unto the said Daniel Streyder and his heirs forever against the ?? clames or demands of any person or persons whosoever in Witnefs whereof, we have hereunto set our hands and seals the day and year first above written. Signed, sealed, and delivered in presents of us

?? Robinson, James (his mark) Henson, Jacob Barger

Ann (her mark) Cornelius, Wm Cornelius, Iephtha Cornelius.

Court held for Pittsylvania County the 19th day of April, 1790 The within indeure was proved by the oaths of the witnefses thereto to be the acts and deed of the above named Ann Cornelius, William Cornelius and Ieptha Cornelius and the same was Ordered to be Recorded By the Court
Will Tunstall L?swirlything

Right. Mom? There ya go. Enjoy.