Nov. 29th, 2004

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I woke up to sounds of gunfire in the forest today. It's the first day of rifle deer season here in Pennsylvania, and a good time should be had by all. Personally, I'm in favor of people gunning down Bambi.

Don't give me that tree-hugger claptrap about evil, lantern-jawed, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing hunters until you've come and looked, really looked, at the woods where I live. Yes, the woods are beautiful. Yippee. Now look again. Do you see the browse line? That's because every scrap of edible material under four and a half feet high has been eaten by the deer. Have you noticed the total lack of undergrowth, the way the woods are barren of habitat for small, nongame animals like songbirds? Would you like to speculate on what that does for the land's carrying capacity and species diversity? How's your grip on forest regeneration? I'm sure you've noticed that the only damn things growing under five feet tall are striped maple and hay-scented ferns -- everything else gets eaten off by the damn wood goats. You do see, right? Right? Or are you too fucking busy hugging the trees to see the problems with them?

Bambi is not an entirely benign denizen of the forests.

I'm sure you've driven along Oregon Road through the state forest and seen the eight-foot fence around some of the clearcut. I bet you noted with interest that it was clearly labled "Deer Exclusion Fence" and that the sign had a small explanation to tell you just what that meant. You were curious, so you read, only to discover that Pennsylvania's fucking woods WILL NOT grow back anymore unless they are fenced to keep deer out -- the deer eat all the baby trees until there is nothing left but striped maple and hay-scented ferns. Bit of an eye-opener there, innit?

The hardcore no-death-for-bambi people are like "You can relocate the deer!" Bullshit. There are millions of deer in Pennsylvania. Neighboring states have similar deer-population problems, so we'd be straining our state finances to airlift the damn things elsewhere... or we can let people gun 'em down, remove the corpses.. AND pay us for the pleasure of doing so. The Bambi-has-rights cohort says stuff like "Birth control for bambi!" Uh. Again. We can institute an expensive, difficult program or we can let people gun 'em down, remove the corpses, and PAY US to do that.

There is another way, but historically people have resisted that way even more than they've resisted the hunter idea. We could get some top-of-the-line predators back in the state, ones that can take down a deer, and let them run unmolested. They will, of course, also prey on livestock, housepets, and the occasional person, but that's the price of having a natural balance. People don't like the idea of things in the woods that could eat them, so the predator idea doesn't ever make any headway.

So, we have deer season. Get over it.
which_chick: (Default)
Today, we look at a Japanese sex manual from the sixties, a link I Gackt (going for crosscultural fangirl content) from boingboing.

The website has funny captions, but the actual text offers clinical, no-nonesense instructions that I, at least, find funnier than the captions.

(please refer to http://www.harmful.org/homedespot/newtdr/NEWtdrARCHIVE/6diary/SEXBOOK/7.html )
女性のまぶたをなでる -- gently stroke the woman's eyelids
女性の鼻すじを指でたどる -- follow the bridge of the woman's nose with your finger
下あごをくすぐる -- tickle underneath the chin

(please refer to http://www.harmful.org/homedespot/newtdr/NEWtdrARCHIVE/6diary/SEXBOOK/9.html )
へその愛撫ーー人差指をへその中に入れで回転させる -- caressing the navel -- put your index finger inside the navel and move it in a circular motion.

(please refer to http://www.harmful.org/homedespot/newtdr/NEWtdrARCHIVE/6diary/SEXBOOK/10.html )
Upper right caption: 中指で乳頭をなでる -- gently stroke the nipple between the fingers. Yes, really.

Upper left caption: 人差指と薬指とで乳頭をもむ -- rub the nipple between index and ring fingers. I could not make up better deadpan captions than this if I tried.

Lower left caption (I'm not doing the huge blocks of text to the sides. It would take me hours and I'm not sure the payoff in humor is there.): もむ、なでる愛撫 -- caress, rubbing and stroking.

Lower right caption: 人差指で乳頭をなでる -- using the index finger, stroke the nipple.

(Do note that these instructions are very useful for getting a grip on direct objects and prepositional bits and stuff. Education is where you find it, even in Japanese sex manuals from the 1960's.)

I really, really, really want to be able to read the test-tube page. A lot. However, the kanji are blurry and I don't have enough language skills to be able to interpolate fuzzy kanji. Damn. I'm sorry. You may eventually learn how to jerk off a test-tube, but it won't be from One a day, plus iron. I've failed you all.
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No, I haven't done a lick of work all day. Sorry. Some days I actually accomplish things, and other days I blow the better part of the workday on absolutely useless things, like reading reviews of porn films.

Yep. Reading reviews of porn films. I don't have a whole lot of desire to *watch* porn films, but sometimes reading the reviews is pretty damned funny. I wish I was as funny as the person who wrote these...

(Reviews quoted are from www.blowfish.com, should you want to read more of this sort of thing for yourself)

We're sure that the last time you saw a production of "Othello," you thought, "You know, this would have been great as a porn film set in a sleazy hotel in Venice, California, with Nina Hartley as Desdemona and Mike Horner as Iago. That would really kick ass." And, lo, it has come to pass.

Suppose you had a pretty good made-for-TV movie about the dangers of sex addiction. Then, suppose you put in all the sex scenes that such a movie would, of course, would have left out. You'd have this movie. (Notice the extra "would". That's 'cause it's a porn film review.)

Elegant Angel is, of course, your one-stop-shopping center for rough sex movies with high production values. They've outdone themselves on this one.

This is an exceptionally fun release, with Jameson as the cub reporter investigating That Horrible Porn Industry, and ending up on a set that is to adult movie-making what the Bates Motel is to hospitality management.

The plot? Oh, you know the drill: Rebels fighting for good. Evil Galactic Overlords. Sexy princesses. Buff heros. (Note to self: This is a porn film?)

Despite this film nominally being about such things, in viewing it you will learn absolutely nothing interesting about Wicca, Puritanism, or the persecution of supposed witches in the 17th century. You will, however, get to see a lot of very attractive people having lots of very fun sex. Life is full of complicated tradeoffs.

...author of Exhibitionism for the Shy... (You should know by now that I don't make stuff like this up.)

Note: It pains us beyond words to do this, but this item cannot be shipped to: Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, or West Virginia. (Note to self: The fuck? I thought I lived in the NewNitedStates, damn it all. It's 2004. There are places that won't fucking ship me porn? LUUUU--CY, YOU GOT SOME SPLAININ' TO DO!!)

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