(no subject)
Nov. 6th, 2005 08:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickThis is probably going to head directly into TMI land for many readers, so fair warning up front: This post is going to discuss menstruation in graphic detail. If you think that might bother you, don't read it. Probably we're also going for gender issues on display and technological solutions to mental problems but what the hell, I try to give full value for the money.
I hate having periods. I have hated them since I was thirteen and had them to hate. Since I was thirteen, I have never missed a period. I have never been so much as five minutes late. I've never had an abortion, never been pregnant, never used the system for its alleged purpose of reproducing. I look upon human reproduction as kind of icky, really. That whole pregnancy thing? Fucking disgusting, and have you seen what it does to women's asses? They get fucking HUGE. No way I'm signing up for that, plus it comes free with three years (give or take) of cleaning up shit (literally) and many more of childrearing. I'm not interested. I have never been interested. So that we're all on the same page, here, I realize that I am an incredibly selfish being because I am not willing to devote twenty years of my life (or thereabouts) to nurturing someone else. This is the All-Jessica, All-The-Time show and there is not room for children in the script. Full disclosure: I can't abide dogs because I find them way, way too fucking emotionally needy. Given that I regard dogs in such an unflattering light, children are right the hell out. (Feel free to be all holier-than-thou about this if you'd like, but at least I know full well what I am and made the correct decision ahead of time instead of having children first AND THEN deciding I wasn't cut out for the mommy track. Way I figure it, that's better than a lot of folks managed.)
Anyway, since I knew way back at the beginning that I wasn't going to do the parenting thing, I didn't see why I had to participate in the having of periods. I felt that I should get to be excused. This was not, mind, a topic that health care providers were willing to discuss seriously with the early-teen set back when I was in the early-teen set. They said You will change your mind later. You will want babies, just wait a few years. Hang in there, and it will all make sense and you'll be grateful for your ability to get pregnant and give birth. That was the helpful advice they gave me -- that I'd change my mind and want babies later, so I was supposed to let the baby factory idle at the stoplight while I waited for the light to turn green. *sigh* Way to be helpful, there, medical profession. Thanks for offering such helpful and reassuring advice. Mad propz to ya.
In college, I spoke to medical people about being excused from periods again, with the not wanting to ever have babies and did I really need to put up with this incredible bullshit when I wasn't ever going to use it. I inquired about my options -- I was willing to grant that hysterectomy was probably a little extreme, but didn't they have anything else that would work? Like, maybe, birth control pills if you took only the active ones all the time instead of using the placebo ones for the privilege of bleeding once a month? And the medical people allowed as how I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about it. They said You will change your mind later. You will want babies, just wait a few years. Hang in there, and it will all make sense and you'll be grateful for your ability to get pregnant and give birth. Mmm-hmm. Isn't that the same totally useless shit I heard from all ya'll ten years ago? Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Can you hear me NOW? Hello? Bueller? Bueller?
While I wasn't thrilled with having periods in my twenties, these days I wish I could have those periods back. They were annoying but not impossible. These days, we're heading right into impossible territory. My periods used to be five days. Now they're seven. I don't know what's up with that. I sure as hell didn't SIGN UP for the extended version. Week long periods are a problem because no matter how you slice it, seven days of bleeding makes for a full work-week of being on the rag. My work, which is not in an office, does not have regular access to bathrooms, which would not be a problem except that for the week of my period, I can't be more than an hour away from a bathroom. For the whole week, I have absolutely GOT to be able to swap out tampons every two hours, without fail, unless I want to bleed through a super tampon (For male readers: tampons come in strengths. Super is on the higher side of the scale, for what they tastefully call "heavier flow" rather than the cuntly equivalent of Niagara Falls. They make one size larger, which is a diameter I am not willing to work with for reasons that we will not go into here.) and a maxi pad the size of a fucking aircraft carrier. Yeah, I do wear both at the same time -- trying not to waddle when I walk is one of the more degrading aspects of the whole thing. It'd be great if I could get by with just a pad or just a tampon, but one or the other isn't going to cut it. I know this because I've tried. If I skimp out on the protection, I get to bleed all over my clothes so that other people, like the folks at the grocery store or the Wal-Mart, can see I'm having my period. That's not what I call a yay experience.
At my work, I do not particularly wish to have to explain that I'm running off all the time to clean up the fucking mess between my thighs. It's annoying and inconvenient and I don't want to have to put up with it. I shouldn't HAVE to put up with it. We are living in the future. I should not have to live a quarter of my life no more than an hour from a bathroom. That's fucking stone age technology, no better than squatting over a pit in the hut for cursed women. Fuck that. I should not have to pack a super pad and four tampons to get through a day at work. Also, the thing about every-two-hours? That goes for at night, too. I have to get up every two hours to change out pads and tampons or I get to bleed all over my clothes and through to my sheets. Doesn't that sound like fun? Sure it does. You men in the audience, you're probably aching to sign up for that, right?
I am now thirty-five. If my mother is any metric to go by, I have approximately twenty more years of this delight to go through before I am done. I have already done twenty-two years of excruciatingly regular periods. I have done my part for the cause. We are at later. This is going to come as a complete and total shock to the studio audience, I know, but I'm not going to do the parenting thing. I am not married. I am not seeing anyone. I don't want to have babies. I think the whole pregnancy-and-live-birth spectacle is disgusting and I don't want to play. I think that at this late date, I should be allowed to be excused.
On the plus side, the FDA has now approved drugs (They're birth control pills, monocyclics, without the placebo thing. This technology has existed since the fifties and only recently has it gotten FDA approval.) for on-lable use for the specific purpose of not-having-periods. YAY! Give me some of that! Higher risk of heart disease? Okay by me. Higher risk of blood clots? Fine. Bring it on. I am healthy. I have low blood pressure. I eat right and am at a good weight for my height. I get regular exercise. I have absolutely no bad habits at all anymore. I have low cholesterol. I don't have sex with other people anymore (too much emotional work for the amount of fucking I was getting out of it, if you really must know). And I am damn tired of the whole bleeding thing. Damn tired. I'd like my life back, please.
I'm calling my doctor for an appointment to discuss this on Monday. Five years of bleeding like a fucking stuck pig is enough. I am NOT going to be having with this anymore and if my fucking doctor tries to give me the same old shit about this being good for me, I am going to hit her upside the head and then I'll find a doctor who is willing to do something about this bullshit. I'll keep you posted, as always.
Full disclosure: While I have no idea what the hell is causing my heavy periods, one of the most common causes of heavy periods in general is fibroid cysts (lumpy, but not cancerous or very harmful otherwise) in the muscular structure of the uterus. There isn't much they can do about them short of surgery. My mom had fibroids and one's predisposition to them is hereditary, so I may have them too. I don't know and I don't much care. The surgery most frequently suggested for fibroids is a hysterectomy. I'm not really interested in a hysterectomy, which is a hugely invasive and unpleasant surgery that leaves a big-ass whomping scar on yer belly, unless and until other, less-invasive options fail to achieve the desired result.
I hate having periods. I have hated them since I was thirteen and had them to hate. Since I was thirteen, I have never missed a period. I have never been so much as five minutes late. I've never had an abortion, never been pregnant, never used the system for its alleged purpose of reproducing. I look upon human reproduction as kind of icky, really. That whole pregnancy thing? Fucking disgusting, and have you seen what it does to women's asses? They get fucking HUGE. No way I'm signing up for that, plus it comes free with three years (give or take) of cleaning up shit (literally) and many more of childrearing. I'm not interested. I have never been interested. So that we're all on the same page, here, I realize that I am an incredibly selfish being because I am not willing to devote twenty years of my life (or thereabouts) to nurturing someone else. This is the All-Jessica, All-The-Time show and there is not room for children in the script. Full disclosure: I can't abide dogs because I find them way, way too fucking emotionally needy. Given that I regard dogs in such an unflattering light, children are right the hell out. (Feel free to be all holier-than-thou about this if you'd like, but at least I know full well what I am and made the correct decision ahead of time instead of having children first AND THEN deciding I wasn't cut out for the mommy track. Way I figure it, that's better than a lot of folks managed.)
Anyway, since I knew way back at the beginning that I wasn't going to do the parenting thing, I didn't see why I had to participate in the having of periods. I felt that I should get to be excused. This was not, mind, a topic that health care providers were willing to discuss seriously with the early-teen set back when I was in the early-teen set. They said You will change your mind later. You will want babies, just wait a few years. Hang in there, and it will all make sense and you'll be grateful for your ability to get pregnant and give birth. That was the helpful advice they gave me -- that I'd change my mind and want babies later, so I was supposed to let the baby factory idle at the stoplight while I waited for the light to turn green. *sigh* Way to be helpful, there, medical profession. Thanks for offering such helpful and reassuring advice. Mad propz to ya.
In college, I spoke to medical people about being excused from periods again, with the not wanting to ever have babies and did I really need to put up with this incredible bullshit when I wasn't ever going to use it. I inquired about my options -- I was willing to grant that hysterectomy was probably a little extreme, but didn't they have anything else that would work? Like, maybe, birth control pills if you took only the active ones all the time instead of using the placebo ones for the privilege of bleeding once a month? And the medical people allowed as how I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about it. They said You will change your mind later. You will want babies, just wait a few years. Hang in there, and it will all make sense and you'll be grateful for your ability to get pregnant and give birth. Mmm-hmm. Isn't that the same totally useless shit I heard from all ya'll ten years ago? Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Can you hear me NOW? Hello? Bueller? Bueller?
While I wasn't thrilled with having periods in my twenties, these days I wish I could have those periods back. They were annoying but not impossible. These days, we're heading right into impossible territory. My periods used to be five days. Now they're seven. I don't know what's up with that. I sure as hell didn't SIGN UP for the extended version. Week long periods are a problem because no matter how you slice it, seven days of bleeding makes for a full work-week of being on the rag. My work, which is not in an office, does not have regular access to bathrooms, which would not be a problem except that for the week of my period, I can't be more than an hour away from a bathroom. For the whole week, I have absolutely GOT to be able to swap out tampons every two hours, without fail, unless I want to bleed through a super tampon (For male readers: tampons come in strengths. Super is on the higher side of the scale, for what they tastefully call "heavier flow" rather than the cuntly equivalent of Niagara Falls. They make one size larger, which is a diameter I am not willing to work with for reasons that we will not go into here.) and a maxi pad the size of a fucking aircraft carrier. Yeah, I do wear both at the same time -- trying not to waddle when I walk is one of the more degrading aspects of the whole thing. It'd be great if I could get by with just a pad or just a tampon, but one or the other isn't going to cut it. I know this because I've tried. If I skimp out on the protection, I get to bleed all over my clothes so that other people, like the folks at the grocery store or the Wal-Mart, can see I'm having my period. That's not what I call a yay experience.
At my work, I do not particularly wish to have to explain that I'm running off all the time to clean up the fucking mess between my thighs. It's annoying and inconvenient and I don't want to have to put up with it. I shouldn't HAVE to put up with it. We are living in the future. I should not have to live a quarter of my life no more than an hour from a bathroom. That's fucking stone age technology, no better than squatting over a pit in the hut for cursed women. Fuck that. I should not have to pack a super pad and four tampons to get through a day at work. Also, the thing about every-two-hours? That goes for at night, too. I have to get up every two hours to change out pads and tampons or I get to bleed all over my clothes and through to my sheets. Doesn't that sound like fun? Sure it does. You men in the audience, you're probably aching to sign up for that, right?
I am now thirty-five. If my mother is any metric to go by, I have approximately twenty more years of this delight to go through before I am done. I have already done twenty-two years of excruciatingly regular periods. I have done my part for the cause. We are at later. This is going to come as a complete and total shock to the studio audience, I know, but I'm not going to do the parenting thing. I am not married. I am not seeing anyone. I don't want to have babies. I think the whole pregnancy-and-live-birth spectacle is disgusting and I don't want to play. I think that at this late date, I should be allowed to be excused.
On the plus side, the FDA has now approved drugs (They're birth control pills, monocyclics, without the placebo thing. This technology has existed since the fifties and only recently has it gotten FDA approval.) for on-lable use for the specific purpose of not-having-periods. YAY! Give me some of that! Higher risk of heart disease? Okay by me. Higher risk of blood clots? Fine. Bring it on. I am healthy. I have low blood pressure. I eat right and am at a good weight for my height. I get regular exercise. I have absolutely no bad habits at all anymore. I have low cholesterol. I don't have sex with other people anymore (too much emotional work for the amount of fucking I was getting out of it, if you really must know). And I am damn tired of the whole bleeding thing. Damn tired. I'd like my life back, please.
I'm calling my doctor for an appointment to discuss this on Monday. Five years of bleeding like a fucking stuck pig is enough. I am NOT going to be having with this anymore and if my fucking doctor tries to give me the same old shit about this being good for me, I am going to hit her upside the head and then I'll find a doctor who is willing to do something about this bullshit. I'll keep you posted, as always.
Full disclosure: While I have no idea what the hell is causing my heavy periods, one of the most common causes of heavy periods in general is fibroid cysts (lumpy, but not cancerous or very harmful otherwise) in the muscular structure of the uterus. There isn't much they can do about them short of surgery. My mom had fibroids and one's predisposition to them is hereditary, so I may have them too. I don't know and I don't much care. The surgery most frequently suggested for fibroids is a hysterectomy. I'm not really interested in a hysterectomy, which is a hugely invasive and unpleasant surgery that leaves a big-ass whomping scar on yer belly, unless and until other, less-invasive options fail to achieve the desired result.
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no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 03:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 03:03 am (UTC)I can tell you that having an IUD has pretty much eliminated my period. It sort of freaked me out, because I was thinking that it wasn't working or something, but the Ob/Gyn said that was normal. So that might be an option for you to consider.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 07:12 pm (UTC)Sorry to rant like this as I'm a total stranger, but it's so good to find someone who has a similar viewpoint!
no subject
Date: 2005-11-07 08:15 pm (UTC)But I also can see why a doctor won't do it if they can at all help it.
1. People who are unstable (not you... I am referring to other people of my acquaintance over 17 years of teaching...one of which should NEVER have bred) have in the past demanded permanent birth control. Then decided several years later that they had met the perfect man and wanted it reversed. You can sue someone for anything in this litiginous society. Doctors don't like to get sued.
2. It smacks of eugenics. It's tainted by the idea of a doctor making a decision that might be construed as deciding who can have children. It's a squeamish thing, that could lead to problems with certain groups if it got out that they were doing it.
3. It's not necessarily healthy for your body to do... in the long run "this is how your body is supposed to operate and we're not sure how it will affect things because we'd rather spend money on figuring out prostate problems than deal with women's issues".
4. Please get a sonargram to check and see if you do have fibroid cysts. Yes, they're mostly benign, but they can lead to some very uncomfortable complications (from the viewpoint of a family member who *had* to have a hysterectomy because of them, they had grown in number to cover her uterine wall, and swelled her up immmensely).
5. All that having been said, if your doctor refuses, find another doctor. It's your choice.
Seasonale
Date: 2005-11-07 08:16 pm (UTC)Or, ordinary birth control pills, skipping the last seven placebo pills and starting immediately on the next cycle.
Re: Seasonale
Date: 2005-11-08 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-08 12:09 am (UTC)I don't give much credence to the 'healthy for my body to do' thing -- the female body in non-birth-control premodern societies was designed to have about a hundred periods, lifetime. The rest of the time, women were supposed to be pregnant, lactating, or dead. In short, I'm reasonably convinced that endless, regular, uninterrupted periods are not the design spec for this system anyway. As we're already going off-road, let's go in a direction I'd like to travel.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-08 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-08 02:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-09 04:25 am (UTC)read this:
http://www.fictionbook.ru/author/willis_connie/even_the_queen/willis_even_the_queen.html