(no subject)
Sep. 29th, 2005 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickI spent the better part of the workday today packing up Scott's apartment and storing his dark materials in the basement of that building in case he wants to claim his stuff at some undefined time in the future. I think it's pretty unlikely, but one never knows. The reason that I was packing up Scott's apartment was that Scott was supposed to go to jail on Monday and, therefore, would no longer be being a tenant. According to reports from other tenants in the building (Verna not only listens to the grapevine but also feeds it Miracle Gro), Scott failed to report for incarceration in a timely fashion and is now being sought by the authorities. I don't know why the tenants pay for cable... their own lives are just as interesting and cheaper.
In the exceedingly unlikely event that any of my Dear Readers are ever convicted of attempted involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, it's a good idea to spend some of the time between sentencing and the start of your jail term cleaning up your apartment and arranging for the storage of your stuff. If you don't, your landlord and/or his hirelings have to sort through and box up all your shit to get it the fuck out of the apartment. If you leave this task to them, they will have ample opportunities to shred what remains of your dignity. :)
Scott, while a worthless specimen of humanity, has been our tenant for a while, and he's been a reasonably non-annoying tenant. His mother pays his rent in a timely fashion. He gets food stamps, or at least the snazzy ATM-like card that people get nowadays instead of food stamps. He gets assorted types of public assistance but the powers that be are intelligent enough not to give Scott actual cash because I think even they know he'll blow it on demon rum or that succubus Vicodin or whatever the hell he takes these days. In his apartment, his social security number was all over the place. If I wanted to pretend to be him so that the college loan people and assorted collection agencies (he owes like a five hundred dollar phone bill, among other things) could come after me, I'd be all kinds of able to do that. No huhu at all, there.
Anyway, one of the interesting pieces of paper lying around the place was the Police Criminal Complaint thingie that they (apparently) mail to you when you've been arrested for something. Since our glorious newspaper does not cover these things, here are the (verbatim, though I did not use ALL CAPS like the official one did) details of the charge: On the appproximate above listed time and date the above mentioned def. did according to the victim grab the victim and drag the victim into the def. bedroom. once inside the def. bedroom the defendant pulled down his pants and grabbed the victim by his head and shove the victims head down towards the defendants penis. according to the victim he told the def. to stop that he did not like what he was doing. according to the victim the def. did not stop until the victim struggled and got away from him.
Well, that's enlightening, isn't it? For this, Scott was supposed to do six months in jail. Since he failed to report for jail, however, it's likely that he will wind up doing more jail for not going to jail when he was supposed to. Scott is making some very bad choices, here. The charge gets funnier (if attempted involuntary deviate sexual intercourse can ever be funny) when you realize that Scott's something like forty-four (he graduated from high school in 1979) and the victim (whose name and birthdate were on the paperwork) was fifteen. It's a piss-poor forty year old who can't overpower a fifteen year old for some involuntary cock-sucking. It's also a damn stupid person who wants unwilling teeth near his prick, but that's a whole other can of worms. What the fuck was he thinking?
Along with his massive collection of westerns (VHS tapes, the lot) and his huge selection of disco-era 45s (vinyl things called records, what held music before we got CDs and .mp3 format), I also cleaned up Scott's fairly minimal collection of porn, which was pretty damn sorry. Okay, it is pre-internet porn. Strike one. Since the advent of the internet, we have standards for porn. Porn should be better than real. This isn't. It's low-budget enough to not have photo retouching for butt zits and stuff. Computers, digital photography, and photoshop are now commonplace enough that everyone retouches porn so that it's better than real. The stuff from back when people didn't is now rather distracting to look at because OMG, butt zits! razor burn! Kind of spoils the mood. This porn is from before everyone who showed his privates to people for money underwent a substantial amount of pubic grooming. I have nothing against bears but I expect a certain amount of neatness from everyone, hirsute or otherwise. (Porn stars are granted a bye on pubic fur because a lot of them shave for general neatness and a healthier workplace environment. I don't undertake that level of pubic grooming, but I'm also not flashing my snatch for money.) Anyway, it's pretty pathetic fucking porn. I paged through it just the same because I'm the sort of girl who suffers for her art. (Please. Do not roll your eyes until we get to the money shot. Thank you.)
How pathetic is Scott's porn? It's this pathetic: "You are now immune to Martian cock-poison."
Page 15, October 1992 issue of HotShots
In the exceedingly unlikely event that any of my Dear Readers are ever convicted of attempted involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, it's a good idea to spend some of the time between sentencing and the start of your jail term cleaning up your apartment and arranging for the storage of your stuff. If you don't, your landlord and/or his hirelings have to sort through and box up all your shit to get it the fuck out of the apartment. If you leave this task to them, they will have ample opportunities to shred what remains of your dignity. :)
Scott, while a worthless specimen of humanity, has been our tenant for a while, and he's been a reasonably non-annoying tenant. His mother pays his rent in a timely fashion. He gets food stamps, or at least the snazzy ATM-like card that people get nowadays instead of food stamps. He gets assorted types of public assistance but the powers that be are intelligent enough not to give Scott actual cash because I think even they know he'll blow it on demon rum or that succubus Vicodin or whatever the hell he takes these days. In his apartment, his social security number was all over the place. If I wanted to pretend to be him so that the college loan people and assorted collection agencies (he owes like a five hundred dollar phone bill, among other things) could come after me, I'd be all kinds of able to do that. No huhu at all, there.
Anyway, one of the interesting pieces of paper lying around the place was the Police Criminal Complaint thingie that they (apparently) mail to you when you've been arrested for something. Since our glorious newspaper does not cover these things, here are the (verbatim, though I did not use ALL CAPS like the official one did) details of the charge: On the appproximate above listed time and date the above mentioned def. did according to the victim grab the victim and drag the victim into the def. bedroom. once inside the def. bedroom the defendant pulled down his pants and grabbed the victim by his head and shove the victims head down towards the defendants penis. according to the victim he told the def. to stop that he did not like what he was doing. according to the victim the def. did not stop until the victim struggled and got away from him.
Well, that's enlightening, isn't it? For this, Scott was supposed to do six months in jail. Since he failed to report for jail, however, it's likely that he will wind up doing more jail for not going to jail when he was supposed to. Scott is making some very bad choices, here. The charge gets funnier (if attempted involuntary deviate sexual intercourse can ever be funny) when you realize that Scott's something like forty-four (he graduated from high school in 1979) and the victim (whose name and birthdate were on the paperwork) was fifteen. It's a piss-poor forty year old who can't overpower a fifteen year old for some involuntary cock-sucking. It's also a damn stupid person who wants unwilling teeth near his prick, but that's a whole other can of worms. What the fuck was he thinking?
Along with his massive collection of westerns (VHS tapes, the lot) and his huge selection of disco-era 45s (vinyl things called records, what held music before we got CDs and .mp3 format), I also cleaned up Scott's fairly minimal collection of porn, which was pretty damn sorry. Okay, it is pre-internet porn. Strike one. Since the advent of the internet, we have standards for porn. Porn should be better than real. This isn't. It's low-budget enough to not have photo retouching for butt zits and stuff. Computers, digital photography, and photoshop are now commonplace enough that everyone retouches porn so that it's better than real. The stuff from back when people didn't is now rather distracting to look at because OMG, butt zits! razor burn! Kind of spoils the mood. This porn is from before everyone who showed his privates to people for money underwent a substantial amount of pubic grooming. I have nothing against bears but I expect a certain amount of neatness from everyone, hirsute or otherwise. (Porn stars are granted a bye on pubic fur because a lot of them shave for general neatness and a healthier workplace environment. I don't undertake that level of pubic grooming, but I'm also not flashing my snatch for money.) Anyway, it's pretty pathetic fucking porn. I paged through it just the same because I'm the sort of girl who suffers for her art. (Please. Do not roll your eyes until we get to the money shot. Thank you.)
How pathetic is Scott's porn? It's this pathetic: "You are now immune to Martian cock-poison."
Page 15, October 1992 issue of HotShots
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-30 12:48 am (UTC)Only six months for attempted rape of a fifteen-year-old.
Whatever happened to the days of shooting 'im in the head, dumping the body in Paupers' Field, and calling it a win for the human race?
no subject
Date: 2005-09-30 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-30 01:35 am (UTC)The merest touch of Martian sperm could incapacitate any warrior from any of the thousand star systems. Truly the most powerfully defended creatures in the galaxy, Martians had merely to ejaculate on their victims, and the poor creature dropped dead.
To use such a potent venom, Martians were the most accomplished masturbators in the universe -- a seasoned warrior could reach an orgasm in two strokes.
(As I read that, I asked myself "What would be the point? Two strokes? Hardly worth getting naked for, innit?" I am not the intended audience for this fic. I am not the intended audience for any of these fics, but some of them read like chick-written smut fanfic gone horribly, horribly wrong. If I get bored, there's material there for a side-by-side comparison of the way the same plot gets treated -- I saw at least one deus-ex-hypothermia in the assortment of gay spank rags Scott had on hand. I was all like "Hey, that's not your genre! Give that back!! It's a chick plot, I've seen it a hundred times in fanfic...")
no subject
Date: 2005-09-30 12:54 pm (UTC)1. Rape is a shocking and disgusting thing, and I have never been one who liked even the semblance of "teacher and student" stuff. Having been a teacher, I just get a really queasy feeling when I see that. Therefor, I did not much care for Cream Lemon. So raping a child (yes, I know that 15 year olds do NOT think they are children) is just horrible.
2. Deviant assault? um... the assault I understand, but is the deviance because he's gay? or is it the actual act he was attempting to initiate? Because I though PA didn't have laws against that anymore.
Deviant sexual intercourse
Date: 2005-09-30 02:54 pm (UTC)(a) OFFENSE DEFINED.-- A person commits a felony of the first degree when the person engages in deviate sexual intercourse with a complainant:
(1) by forcible compulsion;
(2) by threat of forcible compulsion that would prevent resistance by a
person of reasonable resolution;
(3) who is unconscious or where the person knows that the complainant
is unaware that the sexual intercourse is occurring;
(4) where the person has substantially impaired the complainant's power
to appraise or control his or her conduct by administering or
employing, without the knowledge of the complainant, drugs, intoxicants
or other means for the purpose of preventing resistance;
(5) who suffers from a mental disability which renders him or her
incapable of consent; or
(6) Deleted by 2002, Dec. 9, P.L. 1350, No. 162, § 2, effective in 60
days.
(7) who is less than 16 years of age and the person is four or more
years older than the complainant and the complainant and person are not
married to each other.
(b) INVOLUNTARY DEVIATE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A CHILD.-- A person commits involuntary deviate sexual intercourse with a child, a felony of the first degree, when the person engages in deviate sexual intercourse with a complainant who is less than 13 years of age.
(c) INVOLUNTARY DEVIATE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A CHILD WITH SERIOUS BODILY INJURY.-- A person commits an offense under this section with a child resulting in serious bodily injury, a felony of the first degree, when the person violates this section and the complainant is less than 13 years of age and the complainant suffers serious bodily injury in the course of the offense.
(d) SENTENCES.-- Notwithstanding the provisions of section 1103 (relating to sentence of imprisonment for felony), a person convicted of an offense under:
(1) Subsection (b) shall be sentenced to a term of imprisonment which
shall be fixed by the court at not more than 40 years.
(2) Subsection (c) shall be sentenced up to a maximum term of life
imprisonment.
(e) DEFINITION.-- As used in this section, the term "forcible compulsion" includes, but is not limited to, compulsion resulting in another person's death, whether the death occurred before, during or after the sexual intercourse.
What does "deviate sexual intercourse" mean?
§ 3101. Definitions
Subject to additional definitions contained in subsequent provisions of this chapter which are applicable to specific provisions of this chapter, the following words and phrases when used in this chapter shall have, unless the context clearly indicates otherwise, the meanings given to them in this section:
"COMPLAINANT." An alleged victim of a crime under this chapter.
"DEVIATE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE." Sexual intercourse per os or per anus between human beings and any form of sexual intercourse with an animal. The term also includes penetration, however slight, of the genitals or anus of another person with a foreign object for any purpose other than good faith medical, hygienic or law enforcement procedures.
FWIW, there is no "deviate sexual intercourse" statute. There used to be a sodomy statute, but I couldn't find sodomy in the sentencing guidelines. I think it may still be floating around out there, but it is clearly suspect constitutionally.
Re: Deviant sexual intercourse
Date: 2005-09-30 03:04 pm (UTC)The substantive statute cited above (not the definition part) is the IDSI (Involuntary Deviate Sexual Intercourse - IDSI) statute. Basically blow jobs and anal sex with those unwilling/unable to consent.
For a fun exercise, you can download Pennsylvania's Sentencing Guidelines (which includes a list of virtually all offenses) from here:
Full Guidelines:
http://www.pacode.com/secure/data/204/chapter303/chap303toc.html
Just the listing of offenses:
http://www.pacode.com/secure/data/204/chapter303/s303.15.html
You can turn it into a purity test by adding up the Offense Gravity Scores for each thing you have done. I have't done it, but now I might. It might also make a good webpage.
You may as well skip the criminal conspiracy for the purity test, though. That just confuses things.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-30 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-30 03:40 pm (UTC)No, the children don't open our mail, they don't even open their own mail until we make them do it...
no subject
Date: 2005-09-30 04:35 pm (UTC)Martian cock poison porn
Date: 2005-09-30 05:26 pm (UTC)Just listing "porn" would probably be sufficient, but I think, in all fairness to end-users of internet porn, that "martian cock poison porn" should be discussed in order to make sure that searchers are adequately informed as to the nature of the porn that is being described here. "Martian cock poison porn" is clearly and significantly different than things such as "sheep cock poison porn" or "cum drenched hot cheerleader teens with big tits porn." I mean, we want to be fair and all.
I fully intend to search for "martian cock poison porn" in a week or so to see if Google picks this up. I'll let you all know the results.
Deus Ex Hypothermia
Date: 2005-09-30 08:41 pm (UTC)Re: Deus Ex Hypothermia
Date: 2005-09-30 09:53 pm (UTC)Damn your eyes. Right, then. See next entry, wherein I was GOING to talk about interest rates and the 2006 contribution amount for your Roth IRA which you, of course, have. I'm sure everyone in the studio audience is JUST as interested in deus ex hypothermia as it applies to fic of the buttfucking sort. (Strange but true: I think finance and boy-fucking-fic contain approximately the same amount of amusement value. All ya'll are probably happier not knowing that, to be honest.)
Anyway, to Infinity and Beyond!