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Sep. 2nd, 2005 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickI run a loan business on the side. It's actually a very pleasant little sideline wherein I float unsecured loans to people I know personally, at rates from seven to nine percent APY (compounded monthly) with amortization schedules and monthly payments and the whole nine yards. This is a nice thing for me because FDIC-Insured rates are something around 3.30% (ingdirect.com) unless you hit a special like at my bank for their money market thingie which is guaranteed 3.50% until the end of September. I'm quite pleased to be getting four percent more on my money. This is also a nice thing for the people who borrow from me because there isn't anyone else on the planet who floats unsecured loans at rates from seven to nine percent APY and does not report the loans to assorted credit agencies. It's a win-win situation that generates enough income to buy me a venti latte every single day of the year plus a snackie once a week. Anyway, so I have a little loan business going on (and I should point out that 100% of the interest income from this business is reported on my tax return) and I get to see parts of people I would not otherwise see. It's interesting, better than network television, though I understand that this isn't saying much.
One of the people who owes me money is Bill F. Bill is not, shall we say, entirely clueful on the concept of adequate liquidity. He's a small businessman and he runs without any damn liquidity at all, so when he actually needs money for something, he comes to me to borrow it for a while... couple of months, usually. And I'm fine with that, though somewhat concerned that he appears to be running at the ragged edge of solvency all the damn time. (I dunno, I'd find that extremely stressful. What the hell kind of small businessman doesn't have a couple of thousand dollars laying around in the event of an unexpected expense?) The amounts he's working on are minimal (couple of thousand dollars, not more than five) and the loan approval process is pretty speedy and I'm willing to work with terms of a couple of months. We were all on the same page with the short term loan thing, or at least I thought we were.
The problem here is that Bill F. is irritating me. He's not getting it. When I write a note loaning you a couple of grand for three months at 9% (APY) and the note comes due end of, say, June, then I expect you to have the fucking money (interest and principle) at the end of June. I want to HAVE THE MONEY by July 1. I do not expect you to come to me, hat in hand, along about the fifth of July and inquire about borrowing that same money for the next two months because you don't have it yet. You signed a note, you fool, saying that you'd have my money back to me by the end of June. I gotta say, the not-having-it when it was due, that irritated me. I let you extend the term of the note until the end of August, but I warned you quite strongly at the time that I was going to want my money (interest and principle) back in full at the end of August, no exceptions. I was quite clear on the subject. You said you understood, totally, and then you promised that you'd have the money by the end of August, for sure.
The note allowed as how you were supposed to have paid me back in full on the last day of August. As the last day of August came and went and I didn't have a check and you didn't call, I got a bit more pissed off. You could have prevented this by, y'know, calling my office and letting me know what was up -- making me chase after you pissed me off. You are the borrower. It is YOUR responsibility to keep ME happy, not the other way 'round. Maybe you were hoping I'd forget you owed me money, but I don't forget things about money, Mr. F. Ever. I should not have to run after you to find out about your circumstances and MY money. You should be trying to keep me informed so that I don't HAVE to call you. You didn't do that.
When I called you on the first of September to inquire about my money, that was when you totally dropped the ball. You asked me if I had to have my money back. Er. Hello? It's my fucking money and the term of the loan is up and it's time now for you to pay me back. Don't ask stupid questions -- G1bb0R my money! Then you asked me what I needed it back for like you had some damn right to know. What? Again, I say, WHAT? Mr. F, I don't need to give you a reason why I want my money back. I also don't need to give you an explanation of what I am going to DO with my money once I get it back. Fuck that shit -- it's clear, Mr. F, that you do not grasp who is the lender and who is the borrower, here. Just in case you could not tell from the way I told you it was absolutely no concern of yours why I wanted my money back or what I was going to do with it once I got it back, you have removed yourself from the approved-borrower list.
[Full disclosure: At this time, I have the principle back, though I should not have to be that much of a bitch on the phone to GET my principle back. Also, odds are good that I'll have the interest as soon as I call him to tell him how much the interest is because he's not able to calculate the interest on two months at 9% compounded monthly. Apparently math is hard for Mr. Bill F... that might also explain why he keeps having liquidity problems.]
One of the people who owes me money is Bill F. Bill is not, shall we say, entirely clueful on the concept of adequate liquidity. He's a small businessman and he runs without any damn liquidity at all, so when he actually needs money for something, he comes to me to borrow it for a while... couple of months, usually. And I'm fine with that, though somewhat concerned that he appears to be running at the ragged edge of solvency all the damn time. (I dunno, I'd find that extremely stressful. What the hell kind of small businessman doesn't have a couple of thousand dollars laying around in the event of an unexpected expense?) The amounts he's working on are minimal (couple of thousand dollars, not more than five) and the loan approval process is pretty speedy and I'm willing to work with terms of a couple of months. We were all on the same page with the short term loan thing, or at least I thought we were.
The problem here is that Bill F. is irritating me. He's not getting it. When I write a note loaning you a couple of grand for three months at 9% (APY) and the note comes due end of, say, June, then I expect you to have the fucking money (interest and principle) at the end of June. I want to HAVE THE MONEY by July 1. I do not expect you to come to me, hat in hand, along about the fifth of July and inquire about borrowing that same money for the next two months because you don't have it yet. You signed a note, you fool, saying that you'd have my money back to me by the end of June. I gotta say, the not-having-it when it was due, that irritated me. I let you extend the term of the note until the end of August, but I warned you quite strongly at the time that I was going to want my money (interest and principle) back in full at the end of August, no exceptions. I was quite clear on the subject. You said you understood, totally, and then you promised that you'd have the money by the end of August, for sure.
The note allowed as how you were supposed to have paid me back in full on the last day of August. As the last day of August came and went and I didn't have a check and you didn't call, I got a bit more pissed off. You could have prevented this by, y'know, calling my office and letting me know what was up -- making me chase after you pissed me off. You are the borrower. It is YOUR responsibility to keep ME happy, not the other way 'round. Maybe you were hoping I'd forget you owed me money, but I don't forget things about money, Mr. F. Ever. I should not have to run after you to find out about your circumstances and MY money. You should be trying to keep me informed so that I don't HAVE to call you. You didn't do that.
When I called you on the first of September to inquire about my money, that was when you totally dropped the ball. You asked me if I had to have my money back. Er. Hello? It's my fucking money and the term of the loan is up and it's time now for you to pay me back. Don't ask stupid questions -- G1bb0R my money! Then you asked me what I needed it back for like you had some damn right to know. What? Again, I say, WHAT? Mr. F, I don't need to give you a reason why I want my money back. I also don't need to give you an explanation of what I am going to DO with my money once I get it back. Fuck that shit -- it's clear, Mr. F, that you do not grasp who is the lender and who is the borrower, here. Just in case you could not tell from the way I told you it was absolutely no concern of yours why I wanted my money back or what I was going to do with it once I got it back, you have removed yourself from the approved-borrower list.
[Full disclosure: At this time, I have the principle back, though I should not have to be that much of a bitch on the phone to GET my principle back. Also, odds are good that I'll have the interest as soon as I call him to tell him how much the interest is because he's not able to calculate the interest on two months at 9% compounded monthly. Apparently math is hard for Mr. Bill F... that might also explain why he keeps having liquidity problems.]
