(no subject)
Apr. 20th, 2005 09:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickReally, really long-time readers are aware of the saga of the woodpile (now mostly burnt up). For the rest of you, here's a quick up-to-speed on the whole thing.
About two years ago, my cousin Jon lost his driver's license for underage consumption. He moved out here (his folks are in Harrisburg) to go to community college and stay in town with my aunt SJ while completing his "community service" with the local nonprofit theater group. After a semester of living at SJ's house, though, he decided he could no longer live with my aunt SJ and wanted to move down to his parents' summer home in the valley, near where I live. However, since he couldn't drive, he would need transportation to and from school -- school was walking distance from SJ's house but more than ten miles from the summer house. At that point, my aunt DL (his mom) called me to ask if I could drive Jon to and from classes. I said that I could, operating from my own personal understanding of my family that favors of this sort came with equally big obligations towards the grantor of the favor. DL offered me money to drive the boy but there isn't enough money in the world to make me get up early if I don't have to. Money wouldn't have done it. A future redeemable big favor, though, that'd be useful. Anyway, I agreed to drive Jon to and fro and I did what I'd agreed to do.
In the spring of that year, I had my fireplace replaced with a wood-burning stove that took much smaller wood than the fireplace burned. However, the woodpile of leftovers that I had in my yard was way too big to fit in the woodstove. Aha, I thought, I have something I need. The boy knows how to run a chainsaw. He can cut my woodpile in half for me! I told his mother that I wanted my woodpile cut in half. Over the course of the summer, approximately a third of my woodpile got cut in half by the boy's father. The boy himself did not do a whole lot with the woodpile. The rest of the wood sat, unmolested by chainsaws, until late fall when my father and I broke down and sawed the rest of the woodpile in half ourselves because it was getting to be heating season. (That took twelve man-hours. It was not a huge, big job. It took two Saturday mornings until noon.)
I was not amused with this outcome and I told DL that I was sorely disappointed in her son. She was not amused with my presumption of expecting a big favor from the boy -- her view was that she'd been the one who asked me for the favor and she'd OFFERED me money, which I declined. If I'd wanted something, she claimed, I should have asked HER for it up front or taken the money.
Er. Whatever. When she needed, I provided. I figured it was a sauce for the goose matter and that when I needed, there would be providing happening from that quarter.
During the summer, while the woodpile drama was taking place, cousin Jon was working nights for a local manufacturing plant, making about sixteen dollars an hour. Now, he'd planned to work in the family rental business over the summer. He got his license back sometime in May and could have been useful cutting grass and painting stuff on our assorted properties. He asked about a job in the spring of that year and we allowed as how we'd have one for him over the summer. We figured that was that. However, along about the time the grass started needing to be cut and the painting needed to be done, he asked us if he could ditch us and go take a better-paying job with a local manufacturer because, hey, it would pay better and would be educational and and shit. Dad said "Sure, wouldn't want to stand in your way, by all means." So Jon went to the better-paying job.
Now, Grandma says that Jon didn't LIKE the better-paying job and that he only took it because he didn't feel we had "real" work for him to do, just pretend make-work. I don't know what crack Jon was smoking, that he honestly thought we'd pay anyone to pretend to work. We simply don't do that. If we offered him a job, it was because we had things for him to do. Now, as it happens, the manufacturing place offered him an internship for this summer, which he (an engineering student) declined. To my way of thinking, an internship at a manufacturing place is a lot more resume-worthy than mowing grass and painting stuff, at least for an engineering student. Maybe I am just not getting it.
And all of this, which we thought was a dead issue? It seems Jon wants to come work for us this summer. Grandma and DL think we should hire him. Again. Like we did last year. Lovely. There is, however, a fly in the ointment. We've already lined up a boy to work for us this summer, a boy who is not Jon, who we asked before any of the Jon-wants-to-work-for-us-this-summer bullshit came up. And now DL and Grandma are mad because we're not hiring Jon.
*sigh*
The way I see it, Jon did not come through for me when I needed a favor even though I'd done my part, without hesitation, for him in his hour of need. (Reciprocity of favors is important. If you fuck me over after I've done for you, I'm not going to be very motivated to help you out next time. In fact, I might well be the sneaky early bird and go find someone to be a summer employee early on in the year so that we already HAVE one by the time you get around to asking about a job. I'm like that, sometimes.)
Also, Jon blew us off last year when something better came along. (Yes, we told him it was okay to do so. This is because he never should have asked us in the first place. He made a contract, an agreement, to work for us. Therefore, he should NOT HAVE ASKED to leave us for a better job. He should have fulfilled his obligation. If we'd said that he could not leave, we'd have been standing in his way and depriving him of opportunity. There was no way we could win by answering that question. Either answer was a loser. Jon should not have been asking that question in the first place and it's a sign of his lack of clue that he even asked.)
Near as I can tell, here's the view from the other side...
I agreed to do what was asked, declined what was offered, and then, after the fact, unfairly demanded something of Jon, who owed me nothing, and got shitty when I didn't get it.
We told Jon it was okay to take the other job and now we're imposing reprisals because he did what we told him it was okay to do. If we weren't okay with him taking the other job, we should have said so back then. (And gotten hammered with standing in his way and depriving him of opportunity at that time, I suppose.)
This is the email that I got from my aunt DL today:
I understand you have hired someone other than Jonathan to work this summer, and if that's what makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, then more power to you.
I would, however, like to straighten you out on a few things:
1. I talked to your father before Jonathan went to work for (company). I believe his statement was something like - WOW, that's great if he can work there, he'll earn more money, and I would never stand in his way. IT IS NOT, as you are so eager to tell your grandmother, a case of Jonathan working for the business until he got a car and could work somewhere else.
2. The arrangement for driving Jonathan to school was made between you and me; not you and Jonathan; you're payment should be exacted from me, not him. I offered to pay you; you
refused. If you had wanted something, you should have asked at the beginning, not made a unilateral demand after the fact.
There is nothing that I can say to this. Nothing. She doesn't see it the way I do and she's not going to see it the way I do. There is also no polite way to point out that I've let the woodpile issue drop from discourse. I have not thrown it in her face or her kids' faces since last October and I don' t intend to. The woodpile issue was very educational and I appreciate the lessons it had to offer. Someone should tell DL that her reiterating her view of the issue is not going to change what I learned. She'd do better to just let it drop and hope I eventually forget about it. (Not going to forget. Ever. May eventually forgive.)
And, not that it matters, but pointing out that she can't use you're and your properly won't win me any friends either.
Best not reply, I think. Let her win the email war. We're still not hiring Jon.
Segment of the reply I am not sending:
I was hunting a summer employee before Dad was ever back from Mexico. If you want to hire a kid around here, you have to start looking pretty early in the new year because kids line up their summer jobs starting in January. We have a lot of painting (trim, windows, porches, eaves) that needs to be done, jobs that have needed to be done for a couple of years now. We'd planned on having Jonathan work on that stuff last summer, but that didn't work out and the stuff that needed to be done then still needs to be done. With that in mind, I found a likely kid and offered him a summer job. He said yes and his parents said yes and we left it at that until school gets out.
I thought Jonathan would be back at (company) this summer. I'd heard they offered him some kind of internship thing, which would be way better for his resume and eventual job searches than scraping and painting porches.
Anyway, I honestly don't feel comfortable rescinding an accepted job offer because someone else came along later. Because the kid I had in mind accepted the position I offered, he couldn't very well go hunting for other, better summer jobs. He'd already made a contract with me to take this job. I have an obligation to him to provide the job I offered. For me to make him go look for a job now (when all the good ones are gone and when I've already told him he HAD a job) would be really shitty.
I am quite proud of myself for exceeding the previous world record for irony. :) It's really a shame that nobody is going to get to see it except for you guys.
Not sending the reply. Not. I can do this.
*breathe* *breathe*
About two years ago, my cousin Jon lost his driver's license for underage consumption. He moved out here (his folks are in Harrisburg) to go to community college and stay in town with my aunt SJ while completing his "community service" with the local nonprofit theater group. After a semester of living at SJ's house, though, he decided he could no longer live with my aunt SJ and wanted to move down to his parents' summer home in the valley, near where I live. However, since he couldn't drive, he would need transportation to and from school -- school was walking distance from SJ's house but more than ten miles from the summer house. At that point, my aunt DL (his mom) called me to ask if I could drive Jon to and from classes. I said that I could, operating from my own personal understanding of my family that favors of this sort came with equally big obligations towards the grantor of the favor. DL offered me money to drive the boy but there isn't enough money in the world to make me get up early if I don't have to. Money wouldn't have done it. A future redeemable big favor, though, that'd be useful. Anyway, I agreed to drive Jon to and fro and I did what I'd agreed to do.
In the spring of that year, I had my fireplace replaced with a wood-burning stove that took much smaller wood than the fireplace burned. However, the woodpile of leftovers that I had in my yard was way too big to fit in the woodstove. Aha, I thought, I have something I need. The boy knows how to run a chainsaw. He can cut my woodpile in half for me! I told his mother that I wanted my woodpile cut in half. Over the course of the summer, approximately a third of my woodpile got cut in half by the boy's father. The boy himself did not do a whole lot with the woodpile. The rest of the wood sat, unmolested by chainsaws, until late fall when my father and I broke down and sawed the rest of the woodpile in half ourselves because it was getting to be heating season. (That took twelve man-hours. It was not a huge, big job. It took two Saturday mornings until noon.)
I was not amused with this outcome and I told DL that I was sorely disappointed in her son. She was not amused with my presumption of expecting a big favor from the boy -- her view was that she'd been the one who asked me for the favor and she'd OFFERED me money, which I declined. If I'd wanted something, she claimed, I should have asked HER for it up front or taken the money.
Er. Whatever. When she needed, I provided. I figured it was a sauce for the goose matter and that when I needed, there would be providing happening from that quarter.
During the summer, while the woodpile drama was taking place, cousin Jon was working nights for a local manufacturing plant, making about sixteen dollars an hour. Now, he'd planned to work in the family rental business over the summer. He got his license back sometime in May and could have been useful cutting grass and painting stuff on our assorted properties. He asked about a job in the spring of that year and we allowed as how we'd have one for him over the summer. We figured that was that. However, along about the time the grass started needing to be cut and the painting needed to be done, he asked us if he could ditch us and go take a better-paying job with a local manufacturer because, hey, it would pay better and would be educational and and shit. Dad said "Sure, wouldn't want to stand in your way, by all means." So Jon went to the better-paying job.
Now, Grandma says that Jon didn't LIKE the better-paying job and that he only took it because he didn't feel we had "real" work for him to do, just pretend make-work. I don't know what crack Jon was smoking, that he honestly thought we'd pay anyone to pretend to work. We simply don't do that. If we offered him a job, it was because we had things for him to do. Now, as it happens, the manufacturing place offered him an internship for this summer, which he (an engineering student) declined. To my way of thinking, an internship at a manufacturing place is a lot more resume-worthy than mowing grass and painting stuff, at least for an engineering student. Maybe I am just not getting it.
And all of this, which we thought was a dead issue? It seems Jon wants to come work for us this summer. Grandma and DL think we should hire him. Again. Like we did last year. Lovely. There is, however, a fly in the ointment. We've already lined up a boy to work for us this summer, a boy who is not Jon, who we asked before any of the Jon-wants-to-work-for-us-this-summer bullshit came up. And now DL and Grandma are mad because we're not hiring Jon.
*sigh*
The way I see it, Jon did not come through for me when I needed a favor even though I'd done my part, without hesitation, for him in his hour of need. (Reciprocity of favors is important. If you fuck me over after I've done for you, I'm not going to be very motivated to help you out next time. In fact, I might well be the sneaky early bird and go find someone to be a summer employee early on in the year so that we already HAVE one by the time you get around to asking about a job. I'm like that, sometimes.)
Also, Jon blew us off last year when something better came along. (Yes, we told him it was okay to do so. This is because he never should have asked us in the first place. He made a contract, an agreement, to work for us. Therefore, he should NOT HAVE ASKED to leave us for a better job. He should have fulfilled his obligation. If we'd said that he could not leave, we'd have been standing in his way and depriving him of opportunity. There was no way we could win by answering that question. Either answer was a loser. Jon should not have been asking that question in the first place and it's a sign of his lack of clue that he even asked.)
Near as I can tell, here's the view from the other side...
I agreed to do what was asked, declined what was offered, and then, after the fact, unfairly demanded something of Jon, who owed me nothing, and got shitty when I didn't get it.
We told Jon it was okay to take the other job and now we're imposing reprisals because he did what we told him it was okay to do. If we weren't okay with him taking the other job, we should have said so back then. (And gotten hammered with standing in his way and depriving him of opportunity at that time, I suppose.)
This is the email that I got from my aunt DL today:
I understand you have hired someone other than Jonathan to work this summer, and if that's what makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, then more power to you.
I would, however, like to straighten you out on a few things:
1. I talked to your father before Jonathan went to work for (company). I believe his statement was something like - WOW, that's great if he can work there, he'll earn more money, and I would never stand in his way. IT IS NOT, as you are so eager to tell your grandmother, a case of Jonathan working for the business until he got a car and could work somewhere else.
2. The arrangement for driving Jonathan to school was made between you and me; not you and Jonathan; you're payment should be exacted from me, not him. I offered to pay you; you
refused. If you had wanted something, you should have asked at the beginning, not made a unilateral demand after the fact.
There is nothing that I can say to this. Nothing. She doesn't see it the way I do and she's not going to see it the way I do. There is also no polite way to point out that I've let the woodpile issue drop from discourse. I have not thrown it in her face or her kids' faces since last October and I don' t intend to. The woodpile issue was very educational and I appreciate the lessons it had to offer. Someone should tell DL that her reiterating her view of the issue is not going to change what I learned. She'd do better to just let it drop and hope I eventually forget about it. (Not going to forget. Ever. May eventually forgive.)
And, not that it matters, but pointing out that she can't use you're and your properly won't win me any friends either.
Best not reply, I think. Let her win the email war. We're still not hiring Jon.
Segment of the reply I am not sending:
I was hunting a summer employee before Dad was ever back from Mexico. If you want to hire a kid around here, you have to start looking pretty early in the new year because kids line up their summer jobs starting in January. We have a lot of painting (trim, windows, porches, eaves) that needs to be done, jobs that have needed to be done for a couple of years now. We'd planned on having Jonathan work on that stuff last summer, but that didn't work out and the stuff that needed to be done then still needs to be done. With that in mind, I found a likely kid and offered him a summer job. He said yes and his parents said yes and we left it at that until school gets out.
I thought Jonathan would be back at (company) this summer. I'd heard they offered him some kind of internship thing, which would be way better for his resume and eventual job searches than scraping and painting porches.
Anyway, I honestly don't feel comfortable rescinding an accepted job offer because someone else came along later. Because the kid I had in mind accepted the position I offered, he couldn't very well go hunting for other, better summer jobs. He'd already made a contract with me to take this job. I have an obligation to him to provide the job I offered. For me to make him go look for a job now (when all the good ones are gone and when I've already told him he HAD a job) would be really shitty.
I am quite proud of myself for exceeding the previous world record for irony. :) It's really a shame that nobody is going to get to see it except for you guys.
Not sending the reply. Not. I can do this.
*breathe* *breathe*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 12:02 pm (UTC)*sympathy breathing* *sympathy breathing*
no subject
Date: 2005-04-21 05:27 pm (UTC)Unless he's being forced to perform Proust in Old High German while small children mock him, nonprofit theater is neither punishment nor service. I believe he still owes society his time. He should serve it painting eaves for free. or perhaps cutting wood.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-05 06:10 pm (UTC)