Spring DLB or Shit Sandwiches
May. 22nd, 2023 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickWith the return of decent weather comes the return of dressage clinic-ing. Now, we never really stopped dressage this year what with our DLC outings in the dead of winter, but we didn't DLB because she's a Fair Weather Clinician. And with fairer weather... she's ba-ack.
I signed up for two days because I don't like having any money.
Sunday: We noodled around doing things. We did them badly.
Canter leg yields were not good.
Canter shallow bending lines were not good.
Just... it was not good. My notes are not even that helpful.
Front of thigh needs to be on horse.
Lower leg needs to be off horse.
Rider cannot ride.
For fuck's sake sit up straight.
Try looking in the direction of travel for the leg yield, idiot.
Horse can barely horse.
This is hard for him. He is struggling.
Such a good job supporting his failures.
Well ridden, loser.
Failboat, failboat, failboat.
I have some video of me failing, the which I am not really feeling moved to share. I also don't know why clinician bothers to ask me what we are doing or working on. I can't believe she actually wants to listen to me blather uselessly when we're just going to do her (frequently unrelated) objectives anyway.
Monday: Spent the entire hour on "Walk. Now ask for trot. Just a light brush of leg, and then LEG OFF. Nothing? Then ask again, and reinforce with whip. Okay, now back to walk. Now ask for trot. Light brush, then leg OFF. Ask again, and enforce. He needs to go forward when you ask him the first time. Now back to walk. Now ask for trot. Ask again and enforce." (Repeat this drill with exceedingly minor variations, for an hour. Set a hundred dollars on fire. Try not to cry in front of people. Maintain temper. Do the exercise. Do not yell at clinician. Do not overly beat horse. Maintain temper. Do the exercise.)
Seriously that was the entirety of the Monday clinic. It was a whole fucking hour taking bite after bite of this shit sandwich with asmilegrimace on my face while gradually sunburning my neck into oblivion. Sprinkled on top of the shit sandwich were a couple of parsley sprigs about "very fair" and "infinite patience" and "leg position is fantastic" and blah blah blah, but a shit sandwich with parsley sprigs sitting on it in a decorative manner is still a shit sandwich. Looks fancier, doesn't taste any better in the eating.
You wanna know the worst part of the shit sandwich? The very worst part?
It wasn't having to eat the shit sandwich while being watched by other people. That was a super-fun sandpaper-on-eyeballs experience, though. One of the enduringly fun parts about clinic is the unmitigated delight of being able to fuck up in front of other people. YAY! I LOVE IT! Please, let me look like an incompetent idiot in front of others. It's so... rewarding.
It wasn't having to eat the same shit sandwich that Lesson Kid E. (tweenage) did on Sunday despite having more than twice as many years riding horses as Lesson Kid E. has been alive. I am secure in my skillset and know well that comparison is the thief of joy so this didn't bother me at all.
Nope. The worst part was the absolute certainty that this was a shit sandwich that I have happily been avoiding eating for literally years. It's not like I didn't know that the lack of forward responsiveness was A Thing. The lack of immediate, prompt, un-nagged forward has been A THING for a while now.
It needs to be addressed. Prior efforts to address it (there have been some) have failed. *sigh* And so now we're here eating a shit sandwich in front of god and everybody. The lack of forward needs to be addressed for realsies and the whole motherfucking world is now aware of that beyond any shadow of a doubt.
By me. Of course by me. Certainly, me who has fucked around for eight damn years with this horse all the while PRETENDING NOT TO SEE THE FORWARD ISSUE, will have zero trouble installing a prompt and enthusiastic forward, forthwith. No problem with that. No problem at all. It's gonna go great.
LOLOL. I wish I were good at magical thinking.
Any fucking progress on this front is going to involve A LOT of personal awareness (KEEP YOUR FUCKING LOWER LEG OFF THE HORSE UNLESS YOU WANT SOMETHING) and A LOT of effort to change to being a (damn it all, I'm doomed) more effective rider.
Lack of forward is an ingrained thing that I have allowed to persist forever. I didn't have this issue with Beloved Dead Mare because she was like a car that idled at fifteen miles an hour. The only thing we ever did was slow down. Any release was... forward motion. Nick had a artisean well of forward, and you just kind of directed it and hoped for the best. That, too, was not ideal but it was a different problem than this.
Directives, which we spent a whole fucking hour on:
ASK ONLY ONE TIME, LIGHTLY, WAIT TWO SECONDS FOR RESPONSE, IF NONE, THEN ASK+ENFORCE.
CONSISTENTLY.
YOU MAY NEVER EVER ASK TWICE WITHOUT ENFORCEMENT.
ASK ONCE, WAIT TWO SECONDS, IF NO ANSWER, ASK+ENFORCE.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER PATH OUT OF THIS SHITSHOW OF SHIT SANDWICHES WITH PARSLEY.
ALSO KEEP YOUR FUCKING LOWER LEG OFF THE FUCKING HORSE UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF ASKING FOR SOMETHING. OTHERWISE LEAVE HIM ALONE.
THERE IS NO TIME EVER WHEN YOUR HEEL SHOULD CONTACT YOUR HORSE.
ALSO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN YOU PLEASE PUT THE FRONT OF YOUR THIGH ON THE HORSE?
This is going to suck. It's not... complex but it's going to be so fucking hard.
I signed up for two days because I don't like having any money.
Sunday: We noodled around doing things. We did them badly.
Canter leg yields were not good.
Canter shallow bending lines were not good.
Just... it was not good. My notes are not even that helpful.
Front of thigh needs to be on horse.
Lower leg needs to be off horse.
Rider cannot ride.
For fuck's sake sit up straight.
Try looking in the direction of travel for the leg yield, idiot.
Horse can barely horse.
This is hard for him. He is struggling.
Such a good job supporting his failures.
Well ridden, loser.
Failboat, failboat, failboat.
I have some video of me failing, the which I am not really feeling moved to share. I also don't know why clinician bothers to ask me what we are doing or working on. I can't believe she actually wants to listen to me blather uselessly when we're just going to do her (frequently unrelated) objectives anyway.
Monday: Spent the entire hour on "Walk. Now ask for trot. Just a light brush of leg, and then LEG OFF. Nothing? Then ask again, and reinforce with whip. Okay, now back to walk. Now ask for trot. Light brush, then leg OFF. Ask again, and enforce. He needs to go forward when you ask him the first time. Now back to walk. Now ask for trot. Ask again and enforce." (Repeat this drill with exceedingly minor variations, for an hour. Set a hundred dollars on fire. Try not to cry in front of people. Maintain temper. Do the exercise. Do not yell at clinician. Do not overly beat horse. Maintain temper. Do the exercise.)
Seriously that was the entirety of the Monday clinic. It was a whole fucking hour taking bite after bite of this shit sandwich with a
You wanna know the worst part of the shit sandwich? The very worst part?
It wasn't having to eat the shit sandwich while being watched by other people. That was a super-fun sandpaper-on-eyeballs experience, though. One of the enduringly fun parts about clinic is the unmitigated delight of being able to fuck up in front of other people. YAY! I LOVE IT! Please, let me look like an incompetent idiot in front of others. It's so... rewarding.
It wasn't having to eat the same shit sandwich that Lesson Kid E. (tweenage) did on Sunday despite having more than twice as many years riding horses as Lesson Kid E. has been alive. I am secure in my skillset and know well that comparison is the thief of joy so this didn't bother me at all.
Nope. The worst part was the absolute certainty that this was a shit sandwich that I have happily been avoiding eating for literally years. It's not like I didn't know that the lack of forward responsiveness was A Thing. The lack of immediate, prompt, un-nagged forward has been A THING for a while now.
It needs to be addressed. Prior efforts to address it (there have been some) have failed. *sigh* And so now we're here eating a shit sandwich in front of god and everybody. The lack of forward needs to be addressed for realsies and the whole motherfucking world is now aware of that beyond any shadow of a doubt.
By me. Of course by me. Certainly, me who has fucked around for eight damn years with this horse all the while PRETENDING NOT TO SEE THE FORWARD ISSUE, will have zero trouble installing a prompt and enthusiastic forward, forthwith. No problem with that. No problem at all. It's gonna go great.
LOLOL. I wish I were good at magical thinking.
Any fucking progress on this front is going to involve A LOT of personal awareness (KEEP YOUR FUCKING LOWER LEG OFF THE HORSE UNLESS YOU WANT SOMETHING) and A LOT of effort to change to being a (damn it all, I'm doomed) more effective rider.
Lack of forward is an ingrained thing that I have allowed to persist forever. I didn't have this issue with Beloved Dead Mare because she was like a car that idled at fifteen miles an hour. The only thing we ever did was slow down. Any release was... forward motion. Nick had a artisean well of forward, and you just kind of directed it and hoped for the best. That, too, was not ideal but it was a different problem than this.
Directives, which we spent a whole fucking hour on:
ASK ONLY ONE TIME, LIGHTLY, WAIT TWO SECONDS FOR RESPONSE, IF NONE, THEN ASK+ENFORCE.
CONSISTENTLY.
YOU MAY NEVER EVER ASK TWICE WITHOUT ENFORCEMENT.
ASK ONCE, WAIT TWO SECONDS, IF NO ANSWER, ASK+ENFORCE.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER PATH OUT OF THIS SHITSHOW OF SHIT SANDWICHES WITH PARSLEY.
ALSO KEEP YOUR FUCKING LOWER LEG OFF THE FUCKING HORSE UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF ASKING FOR SOMETHING. OTHERWISE LEAVE HIM ALONE.
THERE IS NO TIME EVER WHEN YOUR HEEL SHOULD CONTACT YOUR HORSE.
ALSO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN YOU PLEASE PUT THE FRONT OF YOUR THIGH ON THE HORSE?
This is going to suck. It's not... complex but it's going to be so fucking hard.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-24 01:15 am (UTC)lol yes
{{{hugs}}}
no subject
Date: 2023-05-24 10:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-05-24 09:39 pm (UTC)