DLB is returning in mid-October
Sep. 24th, 2020 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickThis will be her final visit for the fall. I've thrown four hundred dollars at DLB this year and I am not sure I've gotten $400 worth of clue out of it. I take notes of the things and honestly I don't think I have twice as much shit from the two-day clinics as I get from the one-day clinics.
I like clinics with DLB (for values of "like" that include tears, frustration, failure, insufficiency, and feeling like I can't fucking ride for shit) but one of the things that I get out of clinics is stuff to take home and work on after I've been to clinic. One of the (minimal) bright spots of clinic with DLB is that she does kind of notice that I have worked on the things that I was told to work on.
But, having done two day clinic-ing twice this year, kind of as an experiment and also kind of to support my horse-industry peeps during Covid19 and shit, the amount of homework I get from DLB at any one go is the same from one day clinics as it is from two day clinics. I get about three or four directives either way. And that's fine. Possibly at any one point in time for someone's riding, there are only a handful of cogent and timely directives. Or possibly riders can only be trusted to work three or four things at a go. I dunno.
Further, I can work the directives about as well from one day as I can from two days. This is not to say that I finish one day with a clear and cogent understanding of the directives. I don't. But also I don't finish two days with a hundred dollars BETTER understanding of the directives. I am almost exactly as uselessly unclear after two days as I am after one and the marginal improvement from one day to two is not worth a hundred bucks. The understanding comes at home, with extensive practice. There is not ever very much understanding at clinic. *sigh*
It is not productive for me to clinic this soon after the last time I clinic'd because I have not fixed the things that I was told to fucking go home and work on. I mean, I suppose I could throw away the money and go ride for DLB again but if she's not straight up LYING about shit to make me feel better, she's going to tell me to work the same shit as she told me to do last time. It isn't fixed yet, even to my untutored eye, so I'm not sure there's even going to be visible improvement yet to her eye.
It is possible that, to make me FEEL better, DLB might put a bow on the directives or spraypaint them blue so that they LOOK DIFFERENT but I guaran-damn-tee you that they are going to be the same directives as I got last time until I fix my shit enough to get new directives. And that, I have not done yet.
Also, I'm losing the hayfield next Monday for a month due to shit spreading, which means I'm going to be relegated to road work only for the two weeks leading up to DLB. This, also, is not lighting a fire under my ass to go play DLB in October. And my truck needs to go to the truck doctor, which is going to take $$ that I probably shouldn't be spending on DLB instead.
I was at lesson (regular lesson) this evening and Regular Instructor was "I haven't gotten your DLB paperwork yet" and I was "I am not DLB'ing. Not done fixing directives from last time. Need to do more work at home, not ready for new directives yet." Regular instructor was "DLB will be disappointed." Ok. I'm sorry for her. But I am not done fixing the things. They are not fixed. I know they are not fixed. I sorta understand how to fix them and I kinda know what they should look like when fixed, but RIGHT NOW, they are not fixed. There isn't a lot that DLB can do at this juncture but validate me by telling me I'm working on the things she told me to work on. And I already know that.
Regular lesson involved Doing The Better Posting Thing, which we have addressed several times following last DLB, with no success any of the times. I can't fucking do the thing. I can't. We've been fighting it for several times with no success. The "better posting thing" is one of the primary DLB directives and the only one I have sorely failed to make any fucking progress on since DLB.
The idea here is to... have a more neutral pelvis. I get that. I am built like... okay, my lower back has a fairly substantial curve in it such that if I am laying/lying/reclining on my back (Fucking language I do not know which is lie and which is lay and fuck you all for judging me on that.) I can fit my hands between my back and the floor... like, I'm not WORKING to do that. It's how I am made. I can flatten my back so that it looks "neutral" like a "neutral spine" but when I do that, my pelvis is tilted to where (when you sit on a horse you ideally have weight in both seatbones and a slight amount of weight is also forward over the pubic bone) I don't have any contact between pubic bone and saddle. You could fit an impressively large dick between me and the horse at the pubic bone if I have my spine bent to be "neutral". The only bones touching the saddle at that point are my two seat bones and I'm at the back side of the 'rocker' on them. It is not a stable position. I can't sit stable in a fucking CHAIR like that for any length of time. I cannot ride like that. I can't. I... everything is thrown backward and I sort of fall down into the saddle. Even the relatively stoic Mystic is *GAH, CANNOT WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS* and I can't blame her.
So that's a problem. Instructor is all "land more towards the front of the saddle" and also "keep hips and shoulders in a vertical alignment" and "have a neutral spine" and I can not make all three of these things happen. I can do one. Pick one. You want me to land towards the front of the saddle, I can do it. You want shoulders and hips in vertical alignment, I can do that. You want a fake-neutral spine? I can do that. But I can only do one at a time. It's a failboat of fail.
Today we tried it in a dressage saddle instead of in the GP. And at the outset it was not good. I threw the stirrups down two holes and asked if that looked okay. Instructor was "yeah, looks good" and we proceeded. No dice. Horrible. Painful. Unbalanced. I'm like "I cannot do this."
Upper calf is on horse constantly. Horse keeps trying to canter. (We are in rising trot because I look fine in walk and in canter. Rising trot is the only time that there is a problem.) I'm still tilted in the shoulders-forward, ass-back balance. I can fake a "neutral" spine but then I slam into the cantle of the saddle every time. I can align shoulder and hip but then I can't land towards front of saddle or have "neutral" spine.
"How am I supposed to balance myself? I can't just stand on the stirrups and you have said I am not to pinch with the knees and so upper calf is all that I have left."
"Use your thighs."
"My thighs are not touching the saddle. I cannot do shit with them."
"What?"
"The knee rolls are touching my knees. And my crotch is touching the saddle. And in between, there is air. I have no thighs to use because I am not touching the saddle except at crotch and knees."
She moved the (adjustable velcro) knee pads up about an inch and forward about an inch (so that they were half off the saddle) and dropped the stirrups another hole and then my thighs touched the fucking saddle. And then, lo, I could do the fucking thing. Not great, and not in any way you'd write home about, but well enough.
It is extremely frustrating to have several rounds of "I can't fucking do this, no really, I totally can't do it, this is COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE" before the instructor looks for something that is wrong other than "you do not understand what to do" or "you are not trying hard enough" or "you lack awareness of what your body is doing".
So the problem isn't "you are not trying hard enough to put your shoulders over your hips". And it's not "you have lordosis" or "why is it so hard for you to sit on your ass bones way back on the rounded parts that are unstable while removing 100% of your pubic bone from contact with the saddle". It's wow, you have one hell of a long femur, no wonder you're throwing your shoulders forward to heave yourself up out of the saddle... drop your damn stirrups way down, put your fucking leg underneath you instead of IN FRONT OF YOU, and move the goddamn knee blocks out of the way so that you have some saddle contact for your thighs to work with.
Normal people would now be happy that there was forward progress. I of course was so upset about this whole fucking mess that I ranted at Trys for half an hour on the way home, at Lala for another forty or so minutes, and just wrapped up a screed here. I mean, yeah forward progress but jesus fuck why am I the one who has to do the work of convincing instructor that I'm not just whining, not JUST bitchy because it's hard? I've been riding for her for five years, surely she can tell the difference between regular whining and 'no srsly,I can't do this'.
I like clinics with DLB (for values of "like" that include tears, frustration, failure, insufficiency, and feeling like I can't fucking ride for shit) but one of the things that I get out of clinics is stuff to take home and work on after I've been to clinic. One of the (minimal) bright spots of clinic with DLB is that she does kind of notice that I have worked on the things that I was told to work on.
But, having done two day clinic-ing twice this year, kind of as an experiment and also kind of to support my horse-industry peeps during Covid19 and shit, the amount of homework I get from DLB at any one go is the same from one day clinics as it is from two day clinics. I get about three or four directives either way. And that's fine. Possibly at any one point in time for someone's riding, there are only a handful of cogent and timely directives. Or possibly riders can only be trusted to work three or four things at a go. I dunno.
Further, I can work the directives about as well from one day as I can from two days. This is not to say that I finish one day with a clear and cogent understanding of the directives. I don't. But also I don't finish two days with a hundred dollars BETTER understanding of the directives. I am almost exactly as uselessly unclear after two days as I am after one and the marginal improvement from one day to two is not worth a hundred bucks. The understanding comes at home, with extensive practice. There is not ever very much understanding at clinic. *sigh*
It is not productive for me to clinic this soon after the last time I clinic'd because I have not fixed the things that I was told to fucking go home and work on. I mean, I suppose I could throw away the money and go ride for DLB again but if she's not straight up LYING about shit to make me feel better, she's going to tell me to work the same shit as she told me to do last time. It isn't fixed yet, even to my untutored eye, so I'm not sure there's even going to be visible improvement yet to her eye.
It is possible that, to make me FEEL better, DLB might put a bow on the directives or spraypaint them blue so that they LOOK DIFFERENT but I guaran-damn-tee you that they are going to be the same directives as I got last time until I fix my shit enough to get new directives. And that, I have not done yet.
Also, I'm losing the hayfield next Monday for a month due to shit spreading, which means I'm going to be relegated to road work only for the two weeks leading up to DLB. This, also, is not lighting a fire under my ass to go play DLB in October. And my truck needs to go to the truck doctor, which is going to take $$ that I probably shouldn't be spending on DLB instead.
I was at lesson (regular lesson) this evening and Regular Instructor was "I haven't gotten your DLB paperwork yet" and I was "I am not DLB'ing. Not done fixing directives from last time. Need to do more work at home, not ready for new directives yet." Regular instructor was "DLB will be disappointed." Ok. I'm sorry for her. But I am not done fixing the things. They are not fixed. I know they are not fixed. I sorta understand how to fix them and I kinda know what they should look like when fixed, but RIGHT NOW, they are not fixed. There isn't a lot that DLB can do at this juncture but validate me by telling me I'm working on the things she told me to work on. And I already know that.
Regular lesson involved Doing The Better Posting Thing, which we have addressed several times following last DLB, with no success any of the times. I can't fucking do the thing. I can't. We've been fighting it for several times with no success. The "better posting thing" is one of the primary DLB directives and the only one I have sorely failed to make any fucking progress on since DLB.
The idea here is to... have a more neutral pelvis. I get that. I am built like... okay, my lower back has a fairly substantial curve in it such that if I am laying/lying/reclining on my back (Fucking language I do not know which is lie and which is lay and fuck you all for judging me on that.) I can fit my hands between my back and the floor... like, I'm not WORKING to do that. It's how I am made. I can flatten my back so that it looks "neutral" like a "neutral spine" but when I do that, my pelvis is tilted to where (when you sit on a horse you ideally have weight in both seatbones and a slight amount of weight is also forward over the pubic bone) I don't have any contact between pubic bone and saddle. You could fit an impressively large dick between me and the horse at the pubic bone if I have my spine bent to be "neutral". The only bones touching the saddle at that point are my two seat bones and I'm at the back side of the 'rocker' on them. It is not a stable position. I can't sit stable in a fucking CHAIR like that for any length of time. I cannot ride like that. I can't. I... everything is thrown backward and I sort of fall down into the saddle. Even the relatively stoic Mystic is *GAH, CANNOT WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS* and I can't blame her.
So that's a problem. Instructor is all "land more towards the front of the saddle" and also "keep hips and shoulders in a vertical alignment" and "have a neutral spine" and I can not make all three of these things happen. I can do one. Pick one. You want me to land towards the front of the saddle, I can do it. You want shoulders and hips in vertical alignment, I can do that. You want a fake-neutral spine? I can do that. But I can only do one at a time. It's a failboat of fail.
Today we tried it in a dressage saddle instead of in the GP. And at the outset it was not good. I threw the stirrups down two holes and asked if that looked okay. Instructor was "yeah, looks good" and we proceeded. No dice. Horrible. Painful. Unbalanced. I'm like "I cannot do this."
Upper calf is on horse constantly. Horse keeps trying to canter. (We are in rising trot because I look fine in walk and in canter. Rising trot is the only time that there is a problem.) I'm still tilted in the shoulders-forward, ass-back balance. I can fake a "neutral" spine but then I slam into the cantle of the saddle every time. I can align shoulder and hip but then I can't land towards front of saddle or have "neutral" spine.
"How am I supposed to balance myself? I can't just stand on the stirrups and you have said I am not to pinch with the knees and so upper calf is all that I have left."
"Use your thighs."
"My thighs are not touching the saddle. I cannot do shit with them."
"What?"
"The knee rolls are touching my knees. And my crotch is touching the saddle. And in between, there is air. I have no thighs to use because I am not touching the saddle except at crotch and knees."
She moved the (adjustable velcro) knee pads up about an inch and forward about an inch (so that they were half off the saddle) and dropped the stirrups another hole and then my thighs touched the fucking saddle. And then, lo, I could do the fucking thing. Not great, and not in any way you'd write home about, but well enough.
It is extremely frustrating to have several rounds of "I can't fucking do this, no really, I totally can't do it, this is COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE" before the instructor looks for something that is wrong other than "you do not understand what to do" or "you are not trying hard enough" or "you lack awareness of what your body is doing".
So the problem isn't "you are not trying hard enough to put your shoulders over your hips". And it's not "you have lordosis" or "why is it so hard for you to sit on your ass bones way back on the rounded parts that are unstable while removing 100% of your pubic bone from contact with the saddle". It's wow, you have one hell of a long femur, no wonder you're throwing your shoulders forward to heave yourself up out of the saddle... drop your damn stirrups way down, put your fucking leg underneath you instead of IN FRONT OF YOU, and move the goddamn knee blocks out of the way so that you have some saddle contact for your thighs to work with.
Normal people would now be happy that there was forward progress. I of course was so upset about this whole fucking mess that I ranted at Trys for half an hour on the way home, at Lala for another forty or so minutes, and just wrapped up a screed here. I mean, yeah forward progress but jesus fuck why am I the one who has to do the work of convincing instructor that I'm not just whining, not JUST bitchy because it's hard? I've been riding for her for five years, surely she can tell the difference between regular whining and 'no srsly,I can't do this'.
