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Aug. 21st, 2017 09:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickSo I had to drive forty miles (one way) on the turnpike last night to save my sister-in-law from a flat tire on her Ford Fiesta. She had the jack, the tire iron, a working spare, and no reason for being unable to fix this problem herself except a lack of knowledge. She is forty years old and has a PhD. This is unconscionable. Here follows How To Change A Tire because if she exists, as a grown-ass adult who cannot change a tire and yet still drives, then so do other people like her.
Step 1: If you’re just not going to do that and couldn’t possibly and omg such manual labor, what dirt, then fucking buy a AAA membership and keep it up to date you poor useless bastard.
Step 2: Put on parking brake or, if broken, find rocks, bricks or whatever to chock the opposite side tires to keep vehicle from moving when jacked up. If you know your parking brake sucks and you’ve got shit tires, you might consider carrying a small piece of 4x4 lumber in your trunk as part of your tire-changing kit. Get all the tire-changing shit including the spare out of the vehicle and set it on the ground by the flat tire. You will need a tire iron (for removing and tightening lug nuts) and a jack and a spare at a bare minimum.
Step 3: Using tire iron, break all lug nuts free so that they turn without undue force. DO THIS BEFORE YOU JACK THE VEHICLE UP. You may need to remove hubcap covers or similar stupid decorative shit first – check your owner’s manual for that. Remember, RIGHTY TIGHTY, LEFTY LOOSEY. You remove lug nuts by turning them COUNTERCLOCKWISE like removing a lid from a jar of peanut butter. You can pull up harder (from a standing position) than you can push down, so put the tire iron on so that you are in a good “pull up” position for this part.
Step 4: Locate jack appropriately under vehicle (modern toy cars have reinforced jack mount areas near the tires, if you are doing a pickup or whatever use the axles) and jack vehicle up sufficiently to be able to get old tire off and new tire on. Remember that a tire with air will take more space than a flat tire, so make extra room.
Step 5: Remove lug nuts and old tire. Put lug nuts in safe place, you will need them again. DO NOT put body parts under the car while the tire is off the wheel.
Step 6: Put new tire on, make sure it is over the lugs and rests firmly against the wheel. It should not rock or tip. Thread lug nuts on finger tight, then use tire iron to snug them up gently (do not whale on them at this point, you will do that later) so that the tire won’t shift when you lower it to the ground.
Step 7: Lower vehicle to ground, remove jack from under vehicle.
Step 8: Torque the lug nuts tight, as tight as you can go OR until they make a *crunk* sound. You should work in a cross or star pattern, first one side and then the other, working your way around to all of them. The vehicle should shift a little as you work them completely tight, like rocking back and forth without actually rolling around.
Step 9: Gather up all the tire changing stuff AND THE FLAT TIRE and stuff it all back in the vehicle (bed of pickup, trunk of car, whatever).
Step 10: Unchock the wheels and/or take off the parking brake. Drive off. If you don’t have a real spare and instead have a donut spare, please make every effort to get your flat fixed promptly so that you can drive around on real tires again. (I do not like donut spares and buy my cars a real rim and a real tire which I keep in the donut compartment where it doesn’t quite fit. I am OK with this but I understand that not everyone is.)
It is best if you practice this at least once – with competent supervision so that you can ask questions and get help if you need it – using YOUR OWN CAR and YOUR OWN TIRE-CHANGING TOOLS on a nice day with good light and a solid work surface so that when you get a flat in the dark on the Turnpike, you will Know What To Do and can save your damn self. Also, if you buy used cars like I do, a test run of tire changing will help you ensure that you have all the things you need AND that the things you have actually work on your car. On cars I’ve bought, I’ve had the wrong donut, no tire iron, missing jack handle… Make sure that your stuff works before heading out onto the open road, is all I’m sayin’.
Step 1: If you’re just not going to do that and couldn’t possibly and omg such manual labor, what dirt, then fucking buy a AAA membership and keep it up to date you poor useless bastard.
Step 2: Put on parking brake or, if broken, find rocks, bricks or whatever to chock the opposite side tires to keep vehicle from moving when jacked up. If you know your parking brake sucks and you’ve got shit tires, you might consider carrying a small piece of 4x4 lumber in your trunk as part of your tire-changing kit. Get all the tire-changing shit including the spare out of the vehicle and set it on the ground by the flat tire. You will need a tire iron (for removing and tightening lug nuts) and a jack and a spare at a bare minimum.
Step 3: Using tire iron, break all lug nuts free so that they turn without undue force. DO THIS BEFORE YOU JACK THE VEHICLE UP. You may need to remove hubcap covers or similar stupid decorative shit first – check your owner’s manual for that. Remember, RIGHTY TIGHTY, LEFTY LOOSEY. You remove lug nuts by turning them COUNTERCLOCKWISE like removing a lid from a jar of peanut butter. You can pull up harder (from a standing position) than you can push down, so put the tire iron on so that you are in a good “pull up” position for this part.
Step 4: Locate jack appropriately under vehicle (modern toy cars have reinforced jack mount areas near the tires, if you are doing a pickup or whatever use the axles) and jack vehicle up sufficiently to be able to get old tire off and new tire on. Remember that a tire with air will take more space than a flat tire, so make extra room.
Step 5: Remove lug nuts and old tire. Put lug nuts in safe place, you will need them again. DO NOT put body parts under the car while the tire is off the wheel.
Step 6: Put new tire on, make sure it is over the lugs and rests firmly against the wheel. It should not rock or tip. Thread lug nuts on finger tight, then use tire iron to snug them up gently (do not whale on them at this point, you will do that later) so that the tire won’t shift when you lower it to the ground.
Step 7: Lower vehicle to ground, remove jack from under vehicle.
Step 8: Torque the lug nuts tight, as tight as you can go OR until they make a *crunk* sound. You should work in a cross or star pattern, first one side and then the other, working your way around to all of them. The vehicle should shift a little as you work them completely tight, like rocking back and forth without actually rolling around.
Step 9: Gather up all the tire changing stuff AND THE FLAT TIRE and stuff it all back in the vehicle (bed of pickup, trunk of car, whatever).
Step 10: Unchock the wheels and/or take off the parking brake. Drive off. If you don’t have a real spare and instead have a donut spare, please make every effort to get your flat fixed promptly so that you can drive around on real tires again. (I do not like donut spares and buy my cars a real rim and a real tire which I keep in the donut compartment where it doesn’t quite fit. I am OK with this but I understand that not everyone is.)
It is best if you practice this at least once – with competent supervision so that you can ask questions and get help if you need it – using YOUR OWN CAR and YOUR OWN TIRE-CHANGING TOOLS on a nice day with good light and a solid work surface so that when you get a flat in the dark on the Turnpike, you will Know What To Do and can save your damn self. Also, if you buy used cars like I do, a test run of tire changing will help you ensure that you have all the things you need AND that the things you have actually work on your car. On cars I’ve bought, I’ve had the wrong donut, no tire iron, missing jack handle… Make sure that your stuff works before heading out onto the open road, is all I’m sayin’.
