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Aug. 8th, 2010 05:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickSo I'm over at the horse people's today. They have there a shirttail relative, her boyfriend, and his kid. Kim and Boozer are the putative adults. Raymond is the child of Boozer in a previous relationship. Kim is in her mid-forties. Boozer is probably late twenties. Raymond is seven. Typically Raymond lives with an aunt or something, but he is allegedly staying here (from Philadelphia) to spend time with his father Boozer.
Now, it so happens that Raymond, who has been here for about two weeks, smells because he hasn't bathed regularly. He wears the same clothes for several days running. He operates, socially, on a lower level than my cousin Heather's four and a half year old child. Compared to Tess Adele, Raymond uses less eye contact, has more murky and mumbled speech, employs a smaller vocabulary, has a shakier grasp of please-thank you, experiences difficulty responding to simple requests (eg. "Would you like chicken AND gravy on your waffle or just gravy?") that are meaningful to him in a real world, immediate way. (Nobody is asking this child his take on transubstantiation or how he feels about deconstructivist literary theory.).
Given that he is at the horse people's to spend time with his biological father, there is a very minimal amount of family time going on. Raymond is up and around well before Boozer gets up in the mornings. (I only use the word "mornings" to describe when Boozer gets up because that's the word he uses. A more accurate word would be "afternoons".) Boozer says that he can't keep track of the child. Boozer does not have a job (Kim does) or any particularly pressing hobbies. He could indeed keep track of the child if he made an effort. He is not making the effort.
So, today I said to Boozer: "Raymond smells because he has not bathed. He wears the same clothes for several days running. He is a small child and needs the help and support of an adult to manage his daily life activities. You are his adult. Please see to it that he is bathed daily and is clothed in fresh clothes following the bath."
Boozer comes in to the kitchen to get his son. "Boy. You is embarrassing me wit yo dirty black ass. Why you got to do dat, dawg? People here tells me that you smell. Dat shit embarrassing, yo." There was cuffing about the ears, not seriously hard, but still.
This is not helpful. I'll wager that the child has never been taught to bathe himself. I don't think that basic "change into fresh clothes every day" skills have ever been taught to him either. (It is entirely possible that he doesn't have fresh clothes at home. Here, he has fresh clothes.)
Fucking idiot. Look. He made the damn kid. It is his job to take care of it. There is no point to yelling at the kid for not knowing how to do shit that has never been taught to him. The fix there is to teach the kid how to do the skills. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A PARENT. It is not my job to teach some inner-city seven year old how to manage personal hygiene. But someone needs to teach the kid how to do this stuff. Here's what the kid needs to know:
You need to take a shower every day before you get dressed. You need a shower, a towel that is washed at least once a week, a washcloth, and some bar soap.
To shower: Adjust the shower to be on and not too hot. Put towel within reach of tub so that you can get it when you're done. On the bath mat is good, or folded up on top of the toilet seat. Get naked and get in shower, making sure shower curtain is INSIDE TUB. Use washcloth and soap to scrub off all your body. Pay particular attention to face, neck, armpits, feet/ankles if barefoot or flip-flopping. Wash groin and butt well. Wash your hair. Rinse all your parts well until water runs clear and nothing feels soapy anymore. Turn shower water off. Open shower curtain, get towel. Dry off all your body, all over, using patting and rubbing motions as appropriate. Once you're all dry, put on fresh clothes.
Unfortunately, the kid is a dim seven and compounding the problem, he does not have an adult installed that can be referred to as in "Ask an adult for clean clothes" because the adult is a shiftless drug-using piece of shift. *ahem* There's too much leveling up needed here and nowhere to place the lever. It is extremely difficult for a dim seven year old to improve his or her world position ex nihilo.
Some days I totally fucking hate people. Today it's Boozer's turn for (a) making a baby that my tax dollars are totally supporting and (b) completely failing to man up and parent that bitch once it hit the ground. He sho proud dat his dick work, you betcha, got him a white woman dese days, but offering any guidance or help or instruction towards making a self-sufficient human being out of the little mouth-breather running around with his name is totally too much to ask of him.
Now, it so happens that Raymond, who has been here for about two weeks, smells because he hasn't bathed regularly. He wears the same clothes for several days running. He operates, socially, on a lower level than my cousin Heather's four and a half year old child. Compared to Tess Adele, Raymond uses less eye contact, has more murky and mumbled speech, employs a smaller vocabulary, has a shakier grasp of please-thank you, experiences difficulty responding to simple requests (eg. "Would you like chicken AND gravy on your waffle or just gravy?") that are meaningful to him in a real world, immediate way. (Nobody is asking this child his take on transubstantiation or how he feels about deconstructivist literary theory.).
Given that he is at the horse people's to spend time with his biological father, there is a very minimal amount of family time going on. Raymond is up and around well before Boozer gets up in the mornings. (I only use the word "mornings" to describe when Boozer gets up because that's the word he uses. A more accurate word would be "afternoons".) Boozer says that he can't keep track of the child. Boozer does not have a job (Kim does) or any particularly pressing hobbies. He could indeed keep track of the child if he made an effort. He is not making the effort.
So, today I said to Boozer: "Raymond smells because he has not bathed. He wears the same clothes for several days running. He is a small child and needs the help and support of an adult to manage his daily life activities. You are his adult. Please see to it that he is bathed daily and is clothed in fresh clothes following the bath."
Boozer comes in to the kitchen to get his son. "Boy. You is embarrassing me wit yo dirty black ass. Why you got to do dat, dawg? People here tells me that you smell. Dat shit embarrassing, yo." There was cuffing about the ears, not seriously hard, but still.
This is not helpful. I'll wager that the child has never been taught to bathe himself. I don't think that basic "change into fresh clothes every day" skills have ever been taught to him either. (It is entirely possible that he doesn't have fresh clothes at home. Here, he has fresh clothes.)
Fucking idiot. Look. He made the damn kid. It is his job to take care of it. There is no point to yelling at the kid for not knowing how to do shit that has never been taught to him. The fix there is to teach the kid how to do the skills. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A PARENT. It is not my job to teach some inner-city seven year old how to manage personal hygiene. But someone needs to teach the kid how to do this stuff. Here's what the kid needs to know:
You need to take a shower every day before you get dressed. You need a shower, a towel that is washed at least once a week, a washcloth, and some bar soap.
To shower: Adjust the shower to be on and not too hot. Put towel within reach of tub so that you can get it when you're done. On the bath mat is good, or folded up on top of the toilet seat. Get naked and get in shower, making sure shower curtain is INSIDE TUB. Use washcloth and soap to scrub off all your body. Pay particular attention to face, neck, armpits, feet/ankles if barefoot or flip-flopping. Wash groin and butt well. Wash your hair. Rinse all your parts well until water runs clear and nothing feels soapy anymore. Turn shower water off. Open shower curtain, get towel. Dry off all your body, all over, using patting and rubbing motions as appropriate. Once you're all dry, put on fresh clothes.
Unfortunately, the kid is a dim seven and compounding the problem, he does not have an adult installed that can be referred to as in "Ask an adult for clean clothes" because the adult is a shiftless drug-using piece of shift. *ahem* There's too much leveling up needed here and nowhere to place the lever. It is extremely difficult for a dim seven year old to improve his or her world position ex nihilo.
Some days I totally fucking hate people. Today it's Boozer's turn for (a) making a baby that my tax dollars are totally supporting and (b) completely failing to man up and parent that bitch once it hit the ground. He sho proud dat his dick work, you betcha, got him a white woman dese days, but offering any guidance or help or instruction towards making a self-sufficient human being out of the little mouth-breather running around with his name is totally too much to ask of him.
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-11 01:45 pm (UTC)Not every parent's goal is to raise a child to be a self sufficient adult. That takes time and discipline. It is often far easier to hit and be done with it, or perform the task for the child. Result is incompetence and eternal dependency.
How can a Peter Pan raise a child to responsible adulthood? Not bloody likely. You have just met the chain of perpetual indigence. But I think you have met it before, just not so tragically.