(no subject)

[which_chick]

Generally, I like men. I'm a fan. Of course, that's speaking generally.



I find it absolutely infuriating that the easiest way to get a man to show you how he wants something done is to start doing it how you think it should be done. As soon as you do that, the previously uncommunicative and not-very-explanatory man will drop his own project and scurry over to you to 'splain how he wants you to do what you are doing so that you do it his way.

I don't understand why the road to the happening burg of Really Helping has to cross over the creek of Hurried, Irritated Instruction and through the village of Make Me Feel Stupid and through the Slough of Impatience. There ought to be an easier way to get to Really Helping. *sigh*

The task at hand, this time, was hooking up the outlets for La's house. Now, it's not very fucking difficult to hook up outlets from 12-2 wire to your standard 3-prong electric outlet. It just isn't. There are some tools involved, but a third grader could manage this. I've done it at my real work and haven't even burned anything down yet. I don't suck at wiring outlets. However, apparently I needed 'splaining so that I could understand how the man wanted it done. Whatever.

Here's how to wire an in-a-series electrical outlet, given a junction box with two wires and a plug-in thing that needs to be attached to it. I've made notes for where you will fuck up fail to have a penis in the eyes of the man observing.

1. Make sure that the power is off. (You probably didn't do this the right way. Checking the fuse box is only one option. I used the light-up-if-there's-power tester thing I have, but that wasn't good either. I'm not sure what the right way is, but I wasn't doing it. I think it involved wire nuts and a light fixture, possibly also a penis.)

2. Pull the (two, because these are in-a-series circuits) 12-2 wires from the junction box. (It's hard to do this incorrectly, but perhaps you are overbending the wire. If he were doing it, there would be less bending.)

3. Cut into the outermost layer of wire insulation, pull it free from the three inner wires, and trim it off back in the box. Remove the paper wrapping stuff, too. (You will not be able to pull off the proper amount of outermost insulation. Either you will not do enough or you will do too much. You must have a penis to be able to remove the proper amount of outermost wire insulation.)

4. Separate the three wires (black, white, and the naked-copper ground). (Again with the bending. You probably are using too much bending. Men, who have penises, understand about the bending. You do not.)

5. Cut the black and white wires (about three inches should stick out of the box) to a suitable length. Leave the ground wires (no insulation) alone for now. (You will get the length wrong on this, if only by a micrometer. A penis is required for correct measuring though I'm not sure why. It's not like they have numbers written on them -- I've seen more than a few, you know.)

6. Strip about 3/4 of an inch of the insulation off the ends of the black and white wires. (You will not be able to strip the correct amount of wire. Only people with penises can do this properly.)

7. Arrange the wires. Black goes on the right, white goes on the left, ground goes left and down out of the way for now. (Gratuitous bending, I'm sure of it. If you had a penis, you would do a better job.)

8. Bend the stripped wire ends into little U shapes. Bend the black wires UP and the white wires DOWN. Needlenose pliers work great for this. (The reason you are bending the wires this way is so that they won't unbend when you tighten up the screws. It just makes the job neater.) (Your U shapes will be too shallow or not bendy enough or too big or too small or too *something*. This is because you do not have a penis. Having a penis helps you make proper U shapes out of the wire ends, though again, it is not immediately obvious how that works because needlenose pliers are the tool of choice for all persons regardless of penis status.)

9A: Hold outlet so that GOLD screws are on the RIGHT and silver screws are on the LEFT.
9B. Put the BLACK wires onto the GOLD screws on the RIGHT side of the socket. Make sure they're nested in their little areas. Screw the screws down firmly.
9C. Put the WHITE wires onto the SILVER screws on the LEFT side of the socket. Make sure they're nested in their little areas. Screw the screws down firmly.

(You will not be able to screw the screws down firmly enough. It's a matter of penis. A casual observer might think that screwing firmly might have more to do with hand-and-wrist strength, but really it's all about the penis. Why do you think they call it screwing? D'oh.)

10. Twist the grounds together for several turns. Trim one of the two ground wires off short. (He will cringe when you do this. Act like you don't notice.)

11. Trim the other ground wire to 2" or so. Make a downward U on it and put it in the Green-for-Ground screw on the left of the outlet. Tighten. (He will want you to string each ground wire individually to the ground screw instead of doing it this way.)

12. Shove outlet into junction box and screw into place using the top and bottom screws provided for you. (Too much bending. You didn't get the wires the correct length. Clearly, a man could do it better. What the hell is wrong with you anyway?)

See? None of that is very hard. It's basic stuff. (No matter how basic it is, however, you will be doing it incorrectly if you do not have a penis.)

Comments

[cousin-sue.livejournal.com]

I find it irritating that some men feel that women cannot do anything, while other men feel that whatever I'm doing (even if I've done it for 30 years now and professionally at that)it's not the right way. Because it's not the way they do it.

So...I agree.