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Jul. 9th, 2006 12:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickAt the movies, I saw PotC:DMC. I am now going to talk about the movie, which I found mostly delightful, in extensive and spoilerific detail. Please DO NOT click through if you don't want to know how the movie ends. I repeat, I am going to ruin the movie for you.
It ends thusly: Jack goes rather dashingly into the maw of a giant squiddy thing called the Kraken which is in the process of turning The Black Pearl into flinders. Norrington, somewhat reduced in circumstances, commandeers pardons and letters of marque intended for Jack Sparrow and, in exchange, drops the heart of Davey Jones on the desk of the East India person who (iirc) used to be his squirrely and obsequious underling and is now the arm of the East India Company, Governor (the job Elizabeth's dad used to have), and all-'round baddie. (He's surprisingly good at it.) Elizabeth, Will, most of the Pearl's crew that has names, and Barbossa, of all people (Yeah, I thought he was dead, too. He's not. We didn't get an explanation on that, just a green apple.), are setting out on a rather involved-sounding quest to, er, revive Jack who may or may not be dead but is PROBABLY inside the Kraken. (You never know for certain, with Jack.) And, well, Davey Jones has just discovered that the chest that was supposed to contain his still-beating heart is empty and he did not sound pleased. So, that's the ending for Movie #2 and the set up for Movie #3.
Things I liked about the movie:
Eye makeup on Jack as god-king of the cannibals. It was probably just an excuse to go overboard with eye makeup (It's even a damn pun in and of itself. Probably they did it because so many of the damn reviews of the FIRST movie talked about his fucking eye makeup. More people besides me noticed that, right? Right?) but it was still a good visual effect and I enjoyed it. Very few men can wear eyeliner as effectively as Mr. Depp.
Elizabeth in drag. Yay! This was rather more enjoyable than I would have thought possible. I particularly liked the pupperteering with the dress. Actually, Elizabeth was more fun in this movie. Will is clearly the honorable idiot. Elizabeth is way more pirate than Will is.
Young Will getting flogged. (I have a thing for flogging.) If there is flogging, I am going to enjoy it. We will not discuss how pervy that makes me. Yes, symbolic ripping of shirt. Yes. Huzzah. Mr. Bloom also has really good hair in this movie.
The rather organic composition of both the Flying Dutchman *and* Davey Jones' crew fascinated me. Also, any boat that has a fucking pipe organ is OK by me. (My boat is not large enough for a pipe organ.)
On the whole, mood, lighting, and sense of place were good. Music was as much fun as the first film. (I really liked the music in the first film. A lot.)
Jack is, well, Jack. Only swishier. I honestly think he's swishier in this movie than in the last one. Not, mind, that I am complaining. I am not complaining. No. Not at all.
The dialogue continues to amuse the hell out of me. Yay! Particularly when Elizabeth and Jack are standing along the rail of the ship and Elizabeth is telling Jack all about how Will taught her to handle a sword. Why was I the only person in the theater snickering? It's a single-entendre, there. There is no heavy lifting involved to go directly from handle a sword to handle a sword. Bold doesn't weigh much.
There is a plot, such as it is, and it sort of makes sense. This is a cut above your standard summer blockbuster. The plot is thus: Jack traded his soul to Davey Jones for thirteen years as captain of The Black Pearl. Time's up and Davey Jones has come to collect. Meanwhile, Will is sent off by the East India Trading Company to locate Jack to trade him pardons and letters of marque in exchange for his quasi-magical compass. (The compass, we will recall, does not point north. It points, we are told later, to whatever the holder wants most.) Elizabeth is being held in jail as surety against Will's return. Will finds Jack and winds up being sent to Davey Jones ostensibly to look for this key that there is a picture of on this parchment that Jack got from the cannibal tribe island. If Davey Jones catches him, Will is to say he's there for to settle Jack's debt. Jack is a bit of an ass for failing to mention that he's got a rather large tab with Davey but, y'know, pirate. Elizabeth's father tries to free her from jail but fails but she escapes from the failed rescue attempt and ships out in drag on some British ship that winds up in Tortuga. Meanwhile, Jack meets up with Davey Jones and promises him a hundred souls in three days and also allows as how Davey Jones can keep Will as a marker during that timeframe. Jack goes recruiting in Tortuga, where he enlists Norrington (fallen far enough in the world to be a drunken sot with the same three pigs as the guy in the first movie) and Elizabeth in his quest for a hundred souls. Will finds (and steals) the key from Davey Jones. Elizabeth and Norrington and Jack locate the chest using the amazing wonder compass. Will shows up with the key, having traveled there by way of stowing away on The Flying Dutchman without Davey I am the sea Jones noticing he's got a stowaway. After a fair amount of dicking around, the chest is opened and Jack removes the heart and puts it in a jar of dirt. (Jack feels that the jar of dirt is kind of talismanic against Davey Jones because Davey Jones can only go ashore once in ten years.) Norrington swipes the heart during their escape from the island and carries the chest, which everyone else thinks is empty, to lure off Davey Jones' men. It is not explained to us how Norrington effects his escape from the island with the gazillion of Davey Jones' men chasing after him in hot, albeit watery and organic, pursuit. Perhaps he rode on the back of sea turtles, one under each foot. Anyway, back on the high seas, it appears that The Black Pearl can outrun The Flying Dutchman. Personally, I don't think that's very bloody likely -- I know that the Pearl is the fastest ship afloat, but The Flying Dutchman is near-mythical and should get a +5 hull speed when overtaking. However, I didn't write the script. With the Pearl out of range of the cannons, Davey Jones summons the Kraken. (There is a lot of Kraken-summoning in this movie. If I was the Kraken, I'd be like "I just put supper on the table. What's with all the damn summoning? Can't a monster get a moment's peace?" but this is a very amenable and obedient Kraken and it comes when called.) The Kraken attacks the Pearl with some success. Jack gets chained to his ship by sneaky Elizabeth while the rest of 'em head for the longboat. Jack manages to free himself and get a sword in time to heroically go into the maw of the Kraken... and we're back to where you came in.
Thing I didn't like about the movie -- there was a lot of stuff in it. If anything, this movie was too much fun. It is a very busy movie. I didn't even tell you people about the freaky black fortune-teller lady and payment by way of undead monkey or the thing with the cannibals and the fruit or the hamster wheel of doom. There was a lot of stuff and maybe less stuff would have been better. It's hard to say at this point -- they did give us lots of eye candy, a passable blockbuster plot, snarky dialogue, and some damn fine action sequences. Oh, and Johnny Depp dressed up like a pirate, which in itself would have been worth the price of admission.
It ends thusly: Jack goes rather dashingly into the maw of a giant squiddy thing called the Kraken which is in the process of turning The Black Pearl into flinders. Norrington, somewhat reduced in circumstances, commandeers pardons and letters of marque intended for Jack Sparrow and, in exchange, drops the heart of Davey Jones on the desk of the East India person who (iirc) used to be his squirrely and obsequious underling and is now the arm of the East India Company, Governor (the job Elizabeth's dad used to have), and all-'round baddie. (He's surprisingly good at it.) Elizabeth, Will, most of the Pearl's crew that has names, and Barbossa, of all people (Yeah, I thought he was dead, too. He's not. We didn't get an explanation on that, just a green apple.), are setting out on a rather involved-sounding quest to, er, revive Jack who may or may not be dead but is PROBABLY inside the Kraken. (You never know for certain, with Jack.) And, well, Davey Jones has just discovered that the chest that was supposed to contain his still-beating heart is empty and he did not sound pleased. So, that's the ending for Movie #2 and the set up for Movie #3.
Things I liked about the movie:
Eye makeup on Jack as god-king of the cannibals. It was probably just an excuse to go overboard with eye makeup (It's even a damn pun in and of itself. Probably they did it because so many of the damn reviews of the FIRST movie talked about his fucking eye makeup. More people besides me noticed that, right? Right?) but it was still a good visual effect and I enjoyed it. Very few men can wear eyeliner as effectively as Mr. Depp.
Elizabeth in drag. Yay! This was rather more enjoyable than I would have thought possible. I particularly liked the pupperteering with the dress. Actually, Elizabeth was more fun in this movie. Will is clearly the honorable idiot. Elizabeth is way more pirate than Will is.
Young Will getting flogged. (I have a thing for flogging.) If there is flogging, I am going to enjoy it. We will not discuss how pervy that makes me. Yes, symbolic ripping of shirt. Yes. Huzzah. Mr. Bloom also has really good hair in this movie.
The rather organic composition of both the Flying Dutchman *and* Davey Jones' crew fascinated me. Also, any boat that has a fucking pipe organ is OK by me. (My boat is not large enough for a pipe organ.)
On the whole, mood, lighting, and sense of place were good. Music was as much fun as the first film. (I really liked the music in the first film. A lot.)
Jack is, well, Jack. Only swishier. I honestly think he's swishier in this movie than in the last one. Not, mind, that I am complaining. I am not complaining. No. Not at all.
The dialogue continues to amuse the hell out of me. Yay! Particularly when Elizabeth and Jack are standing along the rail of the ship and Elizabeth is telling Jack all about how Will taught her to handle a sword. Why was I the only person in the theater snickering? It's a single-entendre, there. There is no heavy lifting involved to go directly from handle a sword to handle a sword. Bold doesn't weigh much.
There is a plot, such as it is, and it sort of makes sense. This is a cut above your standard summer blockbuster. The plot is thus: Jack traded his soul to Davey Jones for thirteen years as captain of The Black Pearl. Time's up and Davey Jones has come to collect. Meanwhile, Will is sent off by the East India Trading Company to locate Jack to trade him pardons and letters of marque in exchange for his quasi-magical compass. (The compass, we will recall, does not point north. It points, we are told later, to whatever the holder wants most.) Elizabeth is being held in jail as surety against Will's return. Will finds Jack and winds up being sent to Davey Jones ostensibly to look for this key that there is a picture of on this parchment that Jack got from the cannibal tribe island. If Davey Jones catches him, Will is to say he's there for to settle Jack's debt. Jack is a bit of an ass for failing to mention that he's got a rather large tab with Davey but, y'know, pirate. Elizabeth's father tries to free her from jail but fails but she escapes from the failed rescue attempt and ships out in drag on some British ship that winds up in Tortuga. Meanwhile, Jack meets up with Davey Jones and promises him a hundred souls in three days and also allows as how Davey Jones can keep Will as a marker during that timeframe. Jack goes recruiting in Tortuga, where he enlists Norrington (fallen far enough in the world to be a drunken sot with the same three pigs as the guy in the first movie) and Elizabeth in his quest for a hundred souls. Will finds (and steals) the key from Davey Jones. Elizabeth and Norrington and Jack locate the chest using the amazing wonder compass. Will shows up with the key, having traveled there by way of stowing away on The Flying Dutchman without Davey I am the sea Jones noticing he's got a stowaway. After a fair amount of dicking around, the chest is opened and Jack removes the heart and puts it in a jar of dirt. (Jack feels that the jar of dirt is kind of talismanic against Davey Jones because Davey Jones can only go ashore once in ten years.) Norrington swipes the heart during their escape from the island and carries the chest, which everyone else thinks is empty, to lure off Davey Jones' men. It is not explained to us how Norrington effects his escape from the island with the gazillion of Davey Jones' men chasing after him in hot, albeit watery and organic, pursuit. Perhaps he rode on the back of sea turtles, one under each foot. Anyway, back on the high seas, it appears that The Black Pearl can outrun The Flying Dutchman. Personally, I don't think that's very bloody likely -- I know that the Pearl is the fastest ship afloat, but The Flying Dutchman is near-mythical and should get a +5 hull speed when overtaking. However, I didn't write the script. With the Pearl out of range of the cannons, Davey Jones summons the Kraken. (There is a lot of Kraken-summoning in this movie. If I was the Kraken, I'd be like "I just put supper on the table. What's with all the damn summoning? Can't a monster get a moment's peace?" but this is a very amenable and obedient Kraken and it comes when called.) The Kraken attacks the Pearl with some success. Jack gets chained to his ship by sneaky Elizabeth while the rest of 'em head for the longboat. Jack manages to free himself and get a sword in time to heroically go into the maw of the Kraken... and we're back to where you came in.
Thing I didn't like about the movie -- there was a lot of stuff in it. If anything, this movie was too much fun. It is a very busy movie. I didn't even tell you people about the freaky black fortune-teller lady and payment by way of undead monkey or the thing with the cannibals and the fruit or the hamster wheel of doom. There was a lot of stuff and maybe less stuff would have been better. It's hard to say at this point -- they did give us lots of eye candy, a passable blockbuster plot, snarky dialogue, and some damn fine action sequences. Oh, and Johnny Depp dressed up like a pirate, which in itself would have been worth the price of admission.
