(no subject)

I love the medical profession. Here's what they have to say about Dyshidrotic Eczema: " Dyshidrotic eczema is a recurrent or chronic relapsing form of vesicular palmoplantar dermatitis of unknown etiology." Translation: "It's a blistery rash sort of a thing on your hands and feet, it comes back over and over, and we don't know what causes it." Hell. There's nothing there that I didn't already know. Boy, I'm glad I didn't pony up good money to see a dermatologist over this. I'd have been royally pissed if I'd spent upwards of fifty bucks to learn that I already knew as much as doctors about the damn condition.

Dyshidrotic Eczema shows up as small, burning/itching blisters between my fingers. If I scratch them, the blisters break and then burn, itch, AND hurt. As the medical folks cited above mention, this stuff comes and goes. It has throughout my life as far back as I can remember. I don't know what makes the rash happen, but it doesn't really spread once it shows up. I don't have to do anything but wait -- it will go away on its own in a couple of weeks. It is, however, annoying as hell while it's itching.

(no subject)

Also, for everyone waiting with bated breath to find out how the white grape project went, I'm not sure I'm done yet. However, I've reduced the fridge space taken up by the grapes to a quart jar. That which was insipid and boringly sweet has turned amazingly interesting, tasty, and bitingly acidic. It's downright astonishing what "smash, simmer, strain, and boil down" will do for grapes. Besides, I like any excuse to play with a linen cloth full of exceedingly hot food product. The finger burning opportunities in that sort of venture are extensive and highly amusing.

I've no idea what I'm going to do with 3/4 of a quart jar full of interesting, tasty, bitingly acidic grape concentrate, but I'm sure I'll think of something. If I decide not to eat it with a spoon, I can reduce it further (to pint jar size) and use it as the 'vinegar' component of salad dressing. I imagine that'd kick some serious ass and it's certainly got sufficient bite to be useful that way. Grapes (and most other fruits) are pretty acidic and boiling the stuff down seems to have kicked that up a notch, to steal a phrase.

For the folks at home:

1 perfectly ripe mango
1 handful fresh cilantro
1 lime
salt, pepper.

Peel and chop mango. Wash and chop cilantro. Combine mango and cilantro in bowl. Squeeze lime juice overtop. Stir. Salt and pepper (yes, really) to taste. Eat. I guess it could be a side dish or a salsa or something. I eat it with a spoon. It'd probably be nice with chips. Goes well as a side with spicy indian food, too.

(no subject)

Sometimes I write letters for our businesses. While not quite what I envisioned doing with my degree in English Lit, it has its moments. Here is the letter I wrote today:

Mr. White Trash Redneck:

Upon our inspection of the property at 28 W. 4th Street, we found that you had left some of your property on the premises. You have two weeks from the receipt of this letter to contact us and arrange to remove your property from the premises. If you fail to contact us within two weeks, we will dispose of your property as we see fit.

Please note that the property left at 28 W. 4th Street includes one (1) live Basset-Beagle mixed breed dog with an injured hind leg.

To contact us so that you can remove your property, please use the following phone numbers:

8 AM to 4 PM, M-F: 814 555 1212
Other hours: 814 555 1212


Here is the letter I wanted to write today:

Mr. White Trash Redneck:

After we evicted your ass for nonpayment of rent (when we bought the building containing your squatting, non-rent-paying ass from your helplessly incompetent previous landlord, we also bought the rights to your unpaid back rent so that we could evict you right away, a process your previous landlord would not pursue because she was, as I said, helplessly incompetent), we discovered that you left some of your property on the premises. By law, we're not allowed to throw your shit away without trying to contact you because clearly, stuff you leave behind in an apartment you've been evicted from is stuff you're really attached to and would miss if it were gone.

You have two weeks from the receipt of this letter (which we are sending to the address you've been evicted from because it's the only one we have for you) to contact us and arrange to remove your property from the premises. If you fail to contact us within two weeks, we will dispose of your property as we see fit.

Please note that the property left at 28 W. 4th Street includes one (1) live Basset-Beagle mixed breed dog with an injured hind leg. This is morally reprehensible, you dumb motherfucker. When you take on a pet, you become responsible for his or her well-being. You LEFT YOUR FUCKING DOG BEHIND!! What did you think would happen to it? Are you not man enough to take it to the pound yourself? ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE!

By law, we-the-landlords have to keep your dog alive for the time it takes for our registered letter to come back as undeliverable, no-forwarding-address or 'date of delivery plus two weeks' before we can take it to the pound. Should you actually have any interest in your abandoned dog, you'll be happy to know that we are law-abiding landlords instead of 'keeping a pistol under the seat of the truck for *just* this sort of problem' landlords.

To contact us so that you can remove your property, please use the following phone numbers:

8 AM to 4 PM, M-F: 814 555 1212
Other hours: 814 555 1212