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Sep. 30th, 2005 08:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickI wish I were smart enough to have coined the phrase Deus ex hypothermia but I was not the person who coined the phrase. I don't know who did and it's probably someone reasonably famous in some fandom or other who's going to come out of the woodwork and kick my sorry ass for using it without credit... but anyway.
Today's post was GOING to be about interest rates and your 2006 Roth IRA contribution but due to audience demand, we're going to discuss Deus ex hypothermia instead. As all good little liberal arts wonks are aware, the phrase literally means "god from the machine". To grasp the riff, note that the phrase deus ex machina has been extended to refer to any resolution to a story which does not pay due regard to the story's internal logic and is so unlikely it challenges suspension of disbelief, and presumably allows the author to end it in the way he or she wanted. (Source is the wikipedia article, which has nice examples and stuff if you're still feeling confused.) Anyway, in slash fanfic, deus ex hypothermia is used to get two people naked and propinquitous enough to get off on each other when they do not have any reason for being like that together because they're maybe straight or mortal enemies or total strangers or blood relatives or whatever. You make them (one or both, doesn't matter) terribly, horribly cold by virtue of a blizzard or falling through the ice or forty-and-raining exposure or whatever you have that's convenient. And then you get them more-or-less naked, y'know, for body heat. And then they're there and together and in really close proximity and at least partly naked. Voila, deus ex hypothermia. :) Having t3h s3x0r at that point is practically required by the expectations of fangirls worldwide. Tell a story often enough, you know, and it becomes true.
My very favorite D-e-h story is in Smallville fandom. Let it Snow by debchan. It's funny. It's nicely done. It's a classic example of the genre and was, as noted in the author's notes, written to be a classic example of the genre. Yay! I just really like this fic. It's a good fic. All ya'll went and read that, right? You should have done because that's the good example.
Now, here we have a bad example, called Chilly Willy and written by some poor bastard named Sean James. It was published in the May, 1998 issue of HotShots, which is a gay spank rag sort of a thing containing badly-written porn and uninspired nudity, much of it in black and white... though the inside-the-cover pic (in color) on this one isn't bad. Anyway. I am typing out this for you poor people, so the least you can do is read the fucking thing. I have carefully proofed this twice -- what you are about to read is what they set in print, mistakes and all.
*****
I switched on the short-wave radio to get the latest on the weather conditions. A backpacker was lost in the wilds during the worst snow storm in a decade. I had to wonder why this idiot was still on the mountain? Hell, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. After twenty years of making this mountain my home, nothing these city slickers did surprised me.
According to the broadcast by the ranger station, the missing person was a boy, eighteen; name, Jordan something or another. He was last seen in the vicinity of Flat Rock Springs.
The last thing I wanted to do was freeze off my ass searching the woods in a blizzard for some dumb ass kid. Flat Rock Springs was three miles south of my cabin, in the opposite direction of the ranger station.
I threw a log onto the bed of coals in the fireplace and watched it ignite. A bitter, icy wind howled outside as I paced back and forth. In a storm like this, even the most seasoned hiker could lose his bearings. If this kid got turned around, he could be nearby. It would be dark soon. If he wasn't found before nightfall, there was no way he could survive the storm until morning. At best, the chance that I would find him was a long shot, but I had to try.
Bundled in my warmest cloths, leaning into the wind and blinding snow, I headed out in the direction of Flat Rock Springs.
After only a half hour of searching, I was forced to turn back. I couldn't risk being caught out in this storm after dark.
I'd just started my trek back to my cabin when I caught a glimpse of something red. Squinting, shielding my eyes against the blowing snow with my hands, I looked more closely. I'll be damned, it was him. It had to be. What had caught my eye was his red coat. He was half frozen, and barely able to walk.
It was damn near dark by the time I got him back to my cabin. I radioed the ranger station so they could call off the search and let the kid's family know he had been found. The weather was to bad to get him out. At best it would be a day or two before he could be returned home.
The kid sat in front of the fire shivering, wet to the skin. He looked like a lost puppy who had just been snatched from the jaws of death.
Jordan was quite attractive, as a matter of fact, he was right down beautiful. His dark hair shimmered wetly in the glow of the fire. He large green eyes and fully sensuous lips beckoned me to be compassionate.
Of coarse my foremost concerns were for his well being, but I was also quite eager to see him naked. I couldn't help getting aroused as I helped him off with his wet cloths. It had been some time since I'd been in the company of such a handsome young man.
Jordan's behavior remained indifferent as I stripped him of his saturated long johns. His physique lean and somewhat muscular. His cock and balls were shriveled from exposure to the extreme cold, but I still found them very appealing. His teeth chattered as he eased him down onto the blanket I had laid out on the floor in front of the fireplace. The cold had decreased his circulation, making his skin quite pale. After covering him with another blanket I vigorously rubbed his arms and legs.
"I've never been so cold," he said. "I feel numb all over."
"Don't worry, I'll have you warmed up in no time," I assured the young stud.
Jordan just stared into the fire as my hands worked their way up his thighs to his crotch. Beneath the blanket a sudden rush of blood to his groin caused his cock to swell. I brought my hand up to the bulge rising between his legs.
:"It looks like your circulation is improving already."
Jordan looked down at my groping hand. His cock was now fully aroused; six plus inches of rigid, teenage dick meat throbbed in my hand. Color, in the form of a blush, tinted his cheeks.
"Sorry about that," he said. "It's just, well, having your hands on me feels really good."
"Don't worry about it," I said. "It's not as if I've never seen a stiff dick before."
Jordan smiled. He had a gorgeous smile. I reached under the blanket to feel his skin. He was warming up nicely, in more ways than one. He gasped softly as my fingers encircled his cock.
"That really feels good," he said, making a feeble attempt to push my hand away from his crotch.
"Maybe a little too nice. I think you'd better stop."
"Being sexually aroused increases the heart rate and blood pressure. It will help warm you up."
"I'm sure you're right," said Jordan, "but unless you want me making a mess on your blanket, you'll stop."
I was getting a bit ahead of myself. I had all the time in the world. There was certainly no reason to be rushing things.
"Well, in that case, why don't you roll over and I'll rub the other side for awhile."
Without hesitation, Jordan turned onto his belly and shivered as my hands came down on his cool butt cheeks. His hairless ass was quite firm and as round as any I'd ever seen. Christ, this kid was really making me horny.
"As attractive as you are, I'll bet you get your dick played with a lot."
"Now and then," Jordan said, "but not as often as you might think, certainly not as often as I'd like."
"In other words, you jackoff a lot."
Jordan laughed. "Every chance I get."
"Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with a young man getting familiar with himself. You should explore and experiment."
"Oh, I'm very openminded," Jordan boasted. "I'll try just about anything once."
I wondered just how open minded he was. "Have you ever explored your ass?"
"No, not really," Jordan answered. "Just enough to know I'm really sensitive back there."
As I massaged the smooth mounds of Jordan's buttocks he lifted himself up, inviting me to play with his silky balls. "You're getting really horny, aren't you, Jordan?"
"Yeah, I guess I am," he sighed, lifting his ass even higher, causing the cheeks of his beautiful butt to gape open ever so slightly. From deep within his yawning crack the crimson hew of his alluring pucker demanded closer inspection.
I worked my thumbs into his tempting valley of flesh and opened up his tight little ass. A plume of fine hair outlined the rim of his pucker like a fuzzy fringe. The thought of driving my big cock deep into his hot asshole had my organ working over time to escape the confines of my pants.
"You like my ass, don't you?" Joradn asked with a smile. He was staring right at the enormous bulge in my basket. "You want to fuck me, don't you?" He was underestimating my pent up lust. I wanted to do more than just fuck him. I wanted to devour every silky inch of his delicious body.
I gently rubbed the center of his pinkish pucker. "Are you offering to let me fuck your butt?"
"Before I answer that, let me see how big of cock you got," said Jordan. His eyes danced with excitement as I reached down and unzipped my fly. His mouth dropped open as I shoved down my pants and my thick, nine-inch cock sprang up. In a voice that was consumed with awe, he uttered. "That's the biggest cock I've ever seen."
Chills ran up and down my spine as Jordan wrapped his fingers around my hot fuck muscle. I bent down and wantonly kissed his creamy, white ass. Goosebumps formed on his slender buttocks as my tongue left a trail of drool the full length of his enticing crack.
Beyond the four walls of my cabin the snow storm continued to rage, but inside the cabin a storm of another sort was brewing.
Jordan jacked my cock until his fingers were sticky with precum. The kid was a genuine jackoff artist. He knew exactly how to manipulate my rod, knew precisely when to increase his stroke, and when to back off. Instincts like that aren't developed overnight. He had obviously had a lot of practice.
Reaching down between his belly and the blanket, Jordan pushed his cock back between his yawning thighs. A single drop of nut cream clung to his pishole, shimmering tastily in the firelight. I took his scrumptious knob into my mouth and suckled greedily, savoring the tartness of his pre-cum as it dripped across my tongue.
My lips held fast to the slipper wet rim of his bloated dickhead as Jordan buried his face in my crotch. Few men had ever been able to accomodate the full length of my cock, Jordan was one of those men. When the head of my cock hit the back of his throat, it just kept going. Not only was he well versed in the techniques of masturbation, he was also a master cocksucker.
I spit out Jordan's cock and nibbled gingerly upon his wrinkled ball-sac. He moaned softly as I drew both his aching bangers into my mouth and lashed them thoroughly with my tongue.
His balls popped singularly from my mouth, and I wedged my tongue between the cheeks of his ass. "I want to fuck you," I sighed passionately. "I want to bury my dick in your as so bad I think I'll go crazy if you refuse me."
"But you're so big," said Jordan.
"Don't let the size of my cock scare you. I'll loosen you up first. I'll get you good and wet so it'll slip right in." I rammed my tongue up his ass as he began to tremble uncontrollably.
*****
*sigh* Okay, people. That's the gist of the thing. It continues on in that vein for two more pages.
Additional turns of phrase in the remaining two pages that I found worthy of mention:
... seething with saliva...
... crinkled fuck hole...
Poised in a hover mode...
With each ruttish bounce of his ass his oozing pisshole slapped wetly upon my belly.
The walls of his hot, sticky rectum clung tightly to the hard contours of my embedded meat, coaxing my pent-up load closer and closer to the point of release. I couldn't hold back the turbulent flood rolling at the base of my piss tube much longer.
It's definitely striking prose... not particularly what you read in chick fic, but striking. I was particularly amused to note that chicks aren't the only ones with a thousand epithets for penis, but I do think we do better than, f'r example, piss tube and hot fuck muscle. Probably a matter of personal taste.
Thing that I noticed immediately: It's written in first person POV, which rather a lot of chick fic isn't. We generally get third-person omniscient POV for chick fic porn. I guess it's harder to mentally watch both parties if you're in first person POV... and we're not getting enough of our humble narrator's mental processes to make it a worthwhile wank-worthy read from that direction.
This is not to say that there hasn't been really good first person POV chick fic smut. There has been, and some of it is delightful. I particularly recall a delightful voice for Yohji in Weiss Keuz... Building A Fantasy by Miko no Da. Yeah. First person and really quite fun, too. Two thumbs up and a Hell Yeah for that. I've also seen some pretty solid work done in the voice(s) of Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing but I'll be damned if I can recall where I saw it... there's just too much fucking fic in that fandom, can't see the forest for the Trieze. (I get paid extra for jokes like that.)
Anyway, there's enough fic to get you started. If you really, really have to read the rest of it, ask me and I'll type it out here as long as my eyes hold out...
Today's post was GOING to be about interest rates and your 2006 Roth IRA contribution but due to audience demand, we're going to discuss Deus ex hypothermia instead. As all good little liberal arts wonks are aware, the phrase literally means "god from the machine". To grasp the riff, note that the phrase deus ex machina has been extended to refer to any resolution to a story which does not pay due regard to the story's internal logic and is so unlikely it challenges suspension of disbelief, and presumably allows the author to end it in the way he or she wanted. (Source is the wikipedia article, which has nice examples and stuff if you're still feeling confused.) Anyway, in slash fanfic, deus ex hypothermia is used to get two people naked and propinquitous enough to get off on each other when they do not have any reason for being like that together because they're maybe straight or mortal enemies or total strangers or blood relatives or whatever. You make them (one or both, doesn't matter) terribly, horribly cold by virtue of a blizzard or falling through the ice or forty-and-raining exposure or whatever you have that's convenient. And then you get them more-or-less naked, y'know, for body heat. And then they're there and together and in really close proximity and at least partly naked. Voila, deus ex hypothermia. :) Having t3h s3x0r at that point is practically required by the expectations of fangirls worldwide. Tell a story often enough, you know, and it becomes true.
My very favorite D-e-h story is in Smallville fandom. Let it Snow by debchan. It's funny. It's nicely done. It's a classic example of the genre and was, as noted in the author's notes, written to be a classic example of the genre. Yay! I just really like this fic. It's a good fic. All ya'll went and read that, right? You should have done because that's the good example.
Now, here we have a bad example, called Chilly Willy and written by some poor bastard named Sean James. It was published in the May, 1998 issue of HotShots, which is a gay spank rag sort of a thing containing badly-written porn and uninspired nudity, much of it in black and white... though the inside-the-cover pic (in color) on this one isn't bad. Anyway. I am typing out this for you poor people, so the least you can do is read the fucking thing. I have carefully proofed this twice -- what you are about to read is what they set in print, mistakes and all.
*****
I switched on the short-wave radio to get the latest on the weather conditions. A backpacker was lost in the wilds during the worst snow storm in a decade. I had to wonder why this idiot was still on the mountain? Hell, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. After twenty years of making this mountain my home, nothing these city slickers did surprised me.
According to the broadcast by the ranger station, the missing person was a boy, eighteen; name, Jordan something or another. He was last seen in the vicinity of Flat Rock Springs.
The last thing I wanted to do was freeze off my ass searching the woods in a blizzard for some dumb ass kid. Flat Rock Springs was three miles south of my cabin, in the opposite direction of the ranger station.
I threw a log onto the bed of coals in the fireplace and watched it ignite. A bitter, icy wind howled outside as I paced back and forth. In a storm like this, even the most seasoned hiker could lose his bearings. If this kid got turned around, he could be nearby. It would be dark soon. If he wasn't found before nightfall, there was no way he could survive the storm until morning. At best, the chance that I would find him was a long shot, but I had to try.
Bundled in my warmest cloths, leaning into the wind and blinding snow, I headed out in the direction of Flat Rock Springs.
After only a half hour of searching, I was forced to turn back. I couldn't risk being caught out in this storm after dark.
I'd just started my trek back to my cabin when I caught a glimpse of something red. Squinting, shielding my eyes against the blowing snow with my hands, I looked more closely. I'll be damned, it was him. It had to be. What had caught my eye was his red coat. He was half frozen, and barely able to walk.
It was damn near dark by the time I got him back to my cabin. I radioed the ranger station so they could call off the search and let the kid's family know he had been found. The weather was to bad to get him out. At best it would be a day or two before he could be returned home.
The kid sat in front of the fire shivering, wet to the skin. He looked like a lost puppy who had just been snatched from the jaws of death.
Jordan was quite attractive, as a matter of fact, he was right down beautiful. His dark hair shimmered wetly in the glow of the fire. He large green eyes and fully sensuous lips beckoned me to be compassionate.
Of coarse my foremost concerns were for his well being, but I was also quite eager to see him naked. I couldn't help getting aroused as I helped him off with his wet cloths. It had been some time since I'd been in the company of such a handsome young man.
Jordan's behavior remained indifferent as I stripped him of his saturated long johns. His physique lean and somewhat muscular. His cock and balls were shriveled from exposure to the extreme cold, but I still found them very appealing. His teeth chattered as he eased him down onto the blanket I had laid out on the floor in front of the fireplace. The cold had decreased his circulation, making his skin quite pale. After covering him with another blanket I vigorously rubbed his arms and legs.
"I've never been so cold," he said. "I feel numb all over."
"Don't worry, I'll have you warmed up in no time," I assured the young stud.
Jordan just stared into the fire as my hands worked their way up his thighs to his crotch. Beneath the blanket a sudden rush of blood to his groin caused his cock to swell. I brought my hand up to the bulge rising between his legs.
:"It looks like your circulation is improving already."
Jordan looked down at my groping hand. His cock was now fully aroused; six plus inches of rigid, teenage dick meat throbbed in my hand. Color, in the form of a blush, tinted his cheeks.
"Sorry about that," he said. "It's just, well, having your hands on me feels really good."
"Don't worry about it," I said. "It's not as if I've never seen a stiff dick before."
Jordan smiled. He had a gorgeous smile. I reached under the blanket to feel his skin. He was warming up nicely, in more ways than one. He gasped softly as my fingers encircled his cock.
"That really feels good," he said, making a feeble attempt to push my hand away from his crotch.
"Maybe a little too nice. I think you'd better stop."
"Being sexually aroused increases the heart rate and blood pressure. It will help warm you up."
"I'm sure you're right," said Jordan, "but unless you want me making a mess on your blanket, you'll stop."
I was getting a bit ahead of myself. I had all the time in the world. There was certainly no reason to be rushing things.
"Well, in that case, why don't you roll over and I'll rub the other side for awhile."
Without hesitation, Jordan turned onto his belly and shivered as my hands came down on his cool butt cheeks. His hairless ass was quite firm and as round as any I'd ever seen. Christ, this kid was really making me horny.
"As attractive as you are, I'll bet you get your dick played with a lot."
"Now and then," Jordan said, "but not as often as you might think, certainly not as often as I'd like."
"In other words, you jackoff a lot."
Jordan laughed. "Every chance I get."
"Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with a young man getting familiar with himself. You should explore and experiment."
"Oh, I'm very openminded," Jordan boasted. "I'll try just about anything once."
I wondered just how open minded he was. "Have you ever explored your ass?"
"No, not really," Jordan answered. "Just enough to know I'm really sensitive back there."
As I massaged the smooth mounds of Jordan's buttocks he lifted himself up, inviting me to play with his silky balls. "You're getting really horny, aren't you, Jordan?"
"Yeah, I guess I am," he sighed, lifting his ass even higher, causing the cheeks of his beautiful butt to gape open ever so slightly. From deep within his yawning crack the crimson hew of his alluring pucker demanded closer inspection.
I worked my thumbs into his tempting valley of flesh and opened up his tight little ass. A plume of fine hair outlined the rim of his pucker like a fuzzy fringe. The thought of driving my big cock deep into his hot asshole had my organ working over time to escape the confines of my pants.
"You like my ass, don't you?" Joradn asked with a smile. He was staring right at the enormous bulge in my basket. "You want to fuck me, don't you?" He was underestimating my pent up lust. I wanted to do more than just fuck him. I wanted to devour every silky inch of his delicious body.
I gently rubbed the center of his pinkish pucker. "Are you offering to let me fuck your butt?"
"Before I answer that, let me see how big of cock you got," said Jordan. His eyes danced with excitement as I reached down and unzipped my fly. His mouth dropped open as I shoved down my pants and my thick, nine-inch cock sprang up. In a voice that was consumed with awe, he uttered. "That's the biggest cock I've ever seen."
Chills ran up and down my spine as Jordan wrapped his fingers around my hot fuck muscle. I bent down and wantonly kissed his creamy, white ass. Goosebumps formed on his slender buttocks as my tongue left a trail of drool the full length of his enticing crack.
Beyond the four walls of my cabin the snow storm continued to rage, but inside the cabin a storm of another sort was brewing.
Jordan jacked my cock until his fingers were sticky with precum. The kid was a genuine jackoff artist. He knew exactly how to manipulate my rod, knew precisely when to increase his stroke, and when to back off. Instincts like that aren't developed overnight. He had obviously had a lot of practice.
Reaching down between his belly and the blanket, Jordan pushed his cock back between his yawning thighs. A single drop of nut cream clung to his pishole, shimmering tastily in the firelight. I took his scrumptious knob into my mouth and suckled greedily, savoring the tartness of his pre-cum as it dripped across my tongue.
My lips held fast to the slipper wet rim of his bloated dickhead as Jordan buried his face in my crotch. Few men had ever been able to accomodate the full length of my cock, Jordan was one of those men. When the head of my cock hit the back of his throat, it just kept going. Not only was he well versed in the techniques of masturbation, he was also a master cocksucker.
I spit out Jordan's cock and nibbled gingerly upon his wrinkled ball-sac. He moaned softly as I drew both his aching bangers into my mouth and lashed them thoroughly with my tongue.
His balls popped singularly from my mouth, and I wedged my tongue between the cheeks of his ass. "I want to fuck you," I sighed passionately. "I want to bury my dick in your as so bad I think I'll go crazy if you refuse me."
"But you're so big," said Jordan.
"Don't let the size of my cock scare you. I'll loosen you up first. I'll get you good and wet so it'll slip right in." I rammed my tongue up his ass as he began to tremble uncontrollably.
*****
*sigh* Okay, people. That's the gist of the thing. It continues on in that vein for two more pages.
Additional turns of phrase in the remaining two pages that I found worthy of mention:
... seething with saliva...
... crinkled fuck hole...
Poised in a hover mode...
With each ruttish bounce of his ass his oozing pisshole slapped wetly upon my belly.
The walls of his hot, sticky rectum clung tightly to the hard contours of my embedded meat, coaxing my pent-up load closer and closer to the point of release. I couldn't hold back the turbulent flood rolling at the base of my piss tube much longer.
It's definitely striking prose... not particularly what you read in chick fic, but striking. I was particularly amused to note that chicks aren't the only ones with a thousand epithets for penis, but I do think we do better than, f'r example, piss tube and hot fuck muscle. Probably a matter of personal taste.
Thing that I noticed immediately: It's written in first person POV, which rather a lot of chick fic isn't. We generally get third-person omniscient POV for chick fic porn. I guess it's harder to mentally watch both parties if you're in first person POV... and we're not getting enough of our humble narrator's mental processes to make it a worthwhile wank-worthy read from that direction.
This is not to say that there hasn't been really good first person POV chick fic smut. There has been, and some of it is delightful. I particularly recall a delightful voice for Yohji in Weiss Keuz... Building A Fantasy by Miko no Da. Yeah. First person and really quite fun, too. Two thumbs up and a Hell Yeah for that. I've also seen some pretty solid work done in the voice(s) of Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing but I'll be damned if I can recall where I saw it... there's just too much fucking fic in that fandom, can't see the forest for the Trieze. (I get paid extra for jokes like that.)
Anyway, there's enough fic to get you started. If you really, really have to read the rest of it, ask me and I'll type it out here as long as my eyes hold out...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 05:59 pm (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2005-10-01 07:53 pm (UTC)Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised that honest-to-god real gay smut doesn't waste any time worrying about whether the guys are going to be ok with all this. Must be like the gay video game you linked to a review of a while back - it's wish-fulfillment, takes place in an all-gay (or straight-but-curious) world.
I think, actually, apart from the expected male focus on body parts and physical actions, that some of the main differences between this and Let It Snow are due to the constraints of the fanfic genre, when done properly: the need to remain in character. That, and a better quality of writer :)