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Aug. 1st, 2006 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
which_chickDear Ms. W, ex-tenant at 218: We are sorry to hear that you returned to your old apartment, discovered that we had removed the crud you left behind, and were pitching a serious fit to the other tenants as to the whereabouts of your stuff. We are mostly sorry that we were not there to see this for ourselves -- apparently it was quite the scene. It is true that you did not give us keys and it is true that you did not give us any notice that you were moving. Apparently you thought that we'd have to evict you to take possession of the apartment. Since eviction takes about thirty days and since you last checked the mail at the apartment on or about July 21, you probably thought you'd have plenty of time to get your stuff out, rent-free, while we were dicking around following the rules for eviction like the dumb asses that we are. Thing is, you overlooked an important point.
See, you had the water shut off to your apartment. Now, in all honesty, this was because you hadn't paid the fucking bill, but that doesn't actually matter. Having a major utility (electric, water, gas) discontinued at an apartment is pretty good evidence that you have moved. If it's coupled with a lack of most of the stuff that was in the apartment, it's even better evidence that you've moved. Your computer, television, DVD player, game system, living room, dining room, and master bedroom furniture were all gone. Your clothing was all gone. The only stuff in the kitchen that you left was crappy and mismatched and broken. There was no food worth eating in the fridge and the cupboards were bare of staple items. Your linens were gone. Your toiletries out of the bathroom were gone. Your DVD collection was gone as were your PS/2 games and your two window-unit air conditioners. Also, you owed us about eight hundred dollars in rent by the time the water was shut off and the valuable/interesting stuff was mostly removed from the apartment. We figured you'd skipped out on the rent and abandoned the apartment as soon as the water got shut off rather than come up with the money for the water bill and the month and a half of rent that you owed us.
Just as an FYI, PPL is looking for you regarding your unpaid gas bill. Cingular Wireless has turned the three thousand dollars that you owe them over to a collection agency and your cable bill says PAST DUE on it. We are not the only people who would like to get paid what you owe us and if you don't want us to know your business, don't leave your past due notices and stuff open and sitting on the kitchen counter after you've had a major utility shut off at your apartment, moved most of your shit, and are a month and a half back on the rent. Snickering over how in the hell ANYONE (let alone a piece of white trash like yourself) can run up a three thousand dollar cellphone bill is one of the few joys that we have while we're cleaning the rotted mashed potatoes out of the sink and contemplating how to get sticky watermelon taffy out of the carpet. (We figured that your motto had to be something along the lines of As God is my witness, I'll never have good credit again!)
While we are sorry we missed your tantrum, we are pleased to inform you that we have saved the vast bulk of your shit, including all the furniture that was stored indoors, and we will be happy to return it to you as soon as you make good on the money you owe us. (The shitty mildewed couches that you left on the porch were stolen by people who just coincidentally look like us and they're probably still in our drop box. I think it's rained since we moved them there, though. Sorry about that, but we are not responsible for property you leave around outside the apartment.) Oh, you also owe the damages for the two interior doors you destroyed, the costs for packing up and storing all your shit, and all the charges for fixing up the apartment after you beat it to death. I believe that the total (rent, water bill*, damages) comes to something on the close order of two thousand five hundred dollars. As soon as you pay that, we will be happy to return your stuff. Have a nice day!
*Why are we charging her for the water bill? Because in the darling little municipality where 218 is located, if the water bill for an apartment ain't paid by SOMEBODY, they ain't no water at the apartment nohow. The darling little municipality is not interested in chasing after people like Ms. W, late of 218, when it can say, "Landlording Person, the water bill, she ain't paid. If the water bill don't be paid, they ain't gwan be no water fo' yo' nex' tenant." Landlording Person generally pays the water bill because (a) he or she has money and (b) he or she can't fucking rent the apartment again if it has no water. Since we paid Ms. W's outstanding water bill, we can then go after Ms. W for her vast tracts of land or whatever in order to recoup our costs on the damn water bill and good luck to us with that project because Ms. W does not have any money now and probably never will.
See, you had the water shut off to your apartment. Now, in all honesty, this was because you hadn't paid the fucking bill, but that doesn't actually matter. Having a major utility (electric, water, gas) discontinued at an apartment is pretty good evidence that you have moved. If it's coupled with a lack of most of the stuff that was in the apartment, it's even better evidence that you've moved. Your computer, television, DVD player, game system, living room, dining room, and master bedroom furniture were all gone. Your clothing was all gone. The only stuff in the kitchen that you left was crappy and mismatched and broken. There was no food worth eating in the fridge and the cupboards were bare of staple items. Your linens were gone. Your toiletries out of the bathroom were gone. Your DVD collection was gone as were your PS/2 games and your two window-unit air conditioners. Also, you owed us about eight hundred dollars in rent by the time the water was shut off and the valuable/interesting stuff was mostly removed from the apartment. We figured you'd skipped out on the rent and abandoned the apartment as soon as the water got shut off rather than come up with the money for the water bill and the month and a half of rent that you owed us.
Just as an FYI, PPL is looking for you regarding your unpaid gas bill. Cingular Wireless has turned the three thousand dollars that you owe them over to a collection agency and your cable bill says PAST DUE on it. We are not the only people who would like to get paid what you owe us and if you don't want us to know your business, don't leave your past due notices and stuff open and sitting on the kitchen counter after you've had a major utility shut off at your apartment, moved most of your shit, and are a month and a half back on the rent. Snickering over how in the hell ANYONE (let alone a piece of white trash like yourself) can run up a three thousand dollar cellphone bill is one of the few joys that we have while we're cleaning the rotted mashed potatoes out of the sink and contemplating how to get sticky watermelon taffy out of the carpet. (We figured that your motto had to be something along the lines of As God is my witness, I'll never have good credit again!)
While we are sorry we missed your tantrum, we are pleased to inform you that we have saved the vast bulk of your shit, including all the furniture that was stored indoors, and we will be happy to return it to you as soon as you make good on the money you owe us. (The shitty mildewed couches that you left on the porch were stolen by people who just coincidentally look like us and they're probably still in our drop box. I think it's rained since we moved them there, though. Sorry about that, but we are not responsible for property you leave around outside the apartment.) Oh, you also owe the damages for the two interior doors you destroyed, the costs for packing up and storing all your shit, and all the charges for fixing up the apartment after you beat it to death. I believe that the total (rent, water bill*, damages) comes to something on the close order of two thousand five hundred dollars. As soon as you pay that, we will be happy to return your stuff. Have a nice day!
*Why are we charging her for the water bill? Because in the darling little municipality where 218 is located, if the water bill for an apartment ain't paid by SOMEBODY, they ain't no water at the apartment nohow. The darling little municipality is not interested in chasing after people like Ms. W, late of 218, when it can say, "Landlording Person, the water bill, she ain't paid. If the water bill don't be paid, they ain't gwan be no water fo' yo' nex' tenant." Landlording Person generally pays the water bill because (a) he or she has money and (b) he or she can't fucking rent the apartment again if it has no water. Since we paid Ms. W's outstanding water bill, we can then go after Ms. W for her vast tracts of land or whatever in order to recoup our costs on the damn water bill and good luck to us with that project because Ms. W does not have any money now and probably never will.
