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People who signed up for free caramels, those are being shipped out today via priority mail. Each signed-up victim volunteer will receive approximately ten tastylicious caramels, said caramels individually hand-wrapped in wax paper by yours truly. (Also entirely made by me, but that wasn't the fiddly and annoying part of the process and thus not really worthy of mention.) When hand-wrapping candies such as caramels for gifting, twist the ends of the paper in the same direction the wrapping wraps so that the damn things don't come undone while they are sitting on your kitchen counter. Also, it's best to start the twisting part a bit out from the edge of the candy or the paper tears on the candy corners. Some of you will be receiving one or two somewhat imperfectly-wrapped caramels. Sorry about that. There was a learning curve.

This is another post about the works of John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, a man now indelibly linked with plums in my mind. In this offering, I present for you his poetic efforts on impotence and premature ejaculation, which are a departure from the more usual run of pastoral poetry about droplets of dew on morning's just-opened flowers and the busy bees that slip twixt those lushly moistened petals... or perhaps not. (I'm suddenly reminded of a bizarre photomanip that I saw once, kind of fits with the topic at hand. Ah, google, how I love thee. Totally NSFW, people, totally. It's here.) At any rate, let's take a look at the rather less industrious bee, the slacker bee, the bee where you will and it won't.

( Oh, do pay attention, Wadsworth! )

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The vindaloo recipe on the back of the Penzey's vindaloo spice bottle? Not bad at all. I use a medium amount of vindaloo spice, halve the suggested water, add a cup of yogurt, and throw in a handful of chopped cilantro as a garnish. I also use less salt than they suggest. However, it's dead easy and quite yummy. You might give it a whirl some day when you're in the mood for half-assed Indian food.

Here follows the first of what will probably be several posts on getting a methodology to support A Longitudinal Study of Idealized Heteronormative Sexual Experiences, as Limned By Romance Novels, 1980-2008, my proposed entry into the genre of satiric research papers. I'm hoping for something more useful than the sort of support you might get if you taped popsicle sticks to a limp prick in order to use it for shagging. That kind of support would be funny, but real data would be even funnier. I realize that this sort of crap is called soft science but there's still no reason for having poor data to back up the mockery.

( What the hell are you on about now? )