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which_chickSo I had this tenant, whom we will call G. (Not his real initial.) G. and his not-a-girlfriend rented a ground floor one-bedroom apartment from me. He and the not-a-girlfriend lived in the apartment for approximately five years.
During that five year interval, tenant G. alleged that the apartment had "black mold" and that he "got an infection from the shower head" and that "the water was contaminated" (The water is from the municipal supply. It travels through water-only copper piping in the building which is sealed and does not leak. I do not understand how the water, which the municipal supply says is safe, is "contaminated" for his apartment and his apartment only in a multi-unit dwelling.) and that the not-a-girlfriend "got cervical cancer from the shower". Also G. argued with me consistently about why I would not allow him to remodel the apartment into a commercial kitchen for a "hot dog stand". I refused to allow the remodel. Finally, in July of 2023, after five years of this crap, I was done.
I sent Mr. G. a letter informing him that his lease, which was in the month-to-month term following the expiration of the initial six month term, would not be renewed at the end of August. I provided him with thirty days written notice as per the terms of his lease.
During his tenure as my tenant, Mr. G. repeatedly slammed me on facebook as "the biggest slumlord in #county" and stated that he was going to "take care of #name, #county's biggest slumlord" and on and on. I did not respond to any of his facebook posts or discuss them with him in person. I did not treat him differently than any of my other tenants, of whom there are approximately fifty in assorted buildings.
Mr. G. sent a letter to the state's attorney general alleging that his apartment was contaminated with black mold and that it had caused him detriment to his health. The state's attorney general sent us a letter asking us to respond to this within thirty days. We responded. I don't know if anything will ever come back. We sent them a letter at the end of July and it's been crickets since then. Maybe they'll get back to us in the future, I have no idea.
Anyway, so Mr. G. got himself and his things and his not-a-girlfriend out of the apartment. He did not provide a forwarding address but also since he did not pay his final month of rent, he didn't get a deposit back, so... okay.
Sometimes people just are not happy and cannot be made to be happy. And that's OK. Mr. G. was not chained to my apartment and he was and is free to find housing elsewhere that suits his needs better.
So. Want to guess who called my office earlier this week looking for an apartment?
Guess.
Just guess. *sigh*
We informed Mr. G. that we would not be renting to him again. We did not provide a reason (we do not have to provide a reason) but honestly it's the "slammed me repeatedly on facebook, said he would never rent from me again, called me a slumlord for literal years" issue. And also claimed with a straight face that his not-a-girlfriend got cervical cancer from the showerhead.
Look. Not sure if you're up to speed on your vagina/cervix/uterus anatomy, but it's not particularly possible to get water on one's cervix during an ordinary shower because the cervix is tucked up in there pretty good, about a finger distance or so from the opening on a non-engorged vagina, and it's not gonna get wet from someone showering. It's just not. That is not how cervixes (cervices?) work.
I am sorry for the not-a-girlfriend who has stage 4 cervical cancer because that fucking sucks and I would not wish it on anyone. However, it didn't come about because of "shower water" or "contaminated shower head". Cervical cancers are almost all caused by human papillomavirus (HPV), a common virus that is transferred between people by sex. So... the not-a-girlfriend probably got cervical cancer from fucking, not from the showerhead or the water or black mold.
Happily, we have a VACCINE for HPV and you can go ahead and vaccinate your tween girls and boys so that there won't be any cervical cancer in future generations. I highly recommend doing this. G'wan, do it. You don't have to tell your child that they are getting a fuck without cervical cancer consequences shot, just tell them it's a measles booster or something. Also, as a side note, if you are hoping that the threat of death from cervical cancer will keep your daughter chaste please check your priorities. A dead kid is not better than a live, unchaste kid. It's not.
During that five year interval, tenant G. alleged that the apartment had "black mold" and that he "got an infection from the shower head" and that "the water was contaminated" (The water is from the municipal supply. It travels through water-only copper piping in the building which is sealed and does not leak. I do not understand how the water, which the municipal supply says is safe, is "contaminated" for his apartment and his apartment only in a multi-unit dwelling.) and that the not-a-girlfriend "got cervical cancer from the shower". Also G. argued with me consistently about why I would not allow him to remodel the apartment into a commercial kitchen for a "hot dog stand". I refused to allow the remodel. Finally, in July of 2023, after five years of this crap, I was done.
I sent Mr. G. a letter informing him that his lease, which was in the month-to-month term following the expiration of the initial six month term, would not be renewed at the end of August. I provided him with thirty days written notice as per the terms of his lease.
During his tenure as my tenant, Mr. G. repeatedly slammed me on facebook as "the biggest slumlord in #county" and stated that he was going to "take care of #name, #county's biggest slumlord" and on and on. I did not respond to any of his facebook posts or discuss them with him in person. I did not treat him differently than any of my other tenants, of whom there are approximately fifty in assorted buildings.
Mr. G. sent a letter to the state's attorney general alleging that his apartment was contaminated with black mold and that it had caused him detriment to his health. The state's attorney general sent us a letter asking us to respond to this within thirty days. We responded. I don't know if anything will ever come back. We sent them a letter at the end of July and it's been crickets since then. Maybe they'll get back to us in the future, I have no idea.
Anyway, so Mr. G. got himself and his things and his not-a-girlfriend out of the apartment. He did not provide a forwarding address but also since he did not pay his final month of rent, he didn't get a deposit back, so... okay.
Sometimes people just are not happy and cannot be made to be happy. And that's OK. Mr. G. was not chained to my apartment and he was and is free to find housing elsewhere that suits his needs better.
So. Want to guess who called my office earlier this week looking for an apartment?
Guess.
Just guess. *sigh*
We informed Mr. G. that we would not be renting to him again. We did not provide a reason (we do not have to provide a reason) but honestly it's the "slammed me repeatedly on facebook, said he would never rent from me again, called me a slumlord for literal years" issue. And also claimed with a straight face that his not-a-girlfriend got cervical cancer from the showerhead.
Look. Not sure if you're up to speed on your vagina/cervix/uterus anatomy, but it's not particularly possible to get water on one's cervix during an ordinary shower because the cervix is tucked up in there pretty good, about a finger distance or so from the opening on a non-engorged vagina, and it's not gonna get wet from someone showering. It's just not. That is not how cervixes (cervices?) work.
I am sorry for the not-a-girlfriend who has stage 4 cervical cancer because that fucking sucks and I would not wish it on anyone. However, it didn't come about because of "shower water" or "contaminated shower head". Cervical cancers are almost all caused by human papillomavirus (HPV), a common virus that is transferred between people by sex. So... the not-a-girlfriend probably got cervical cancer from fucking, not from the showerhead or the water or black mold.
Happily, we have a VACCINE for HPV and you can go ahead and vaccinate your tween girls and boys so that there won't be any cervical cancer in future generations. I highly recommend doing this. G'wan, do it. You don't have to tell your child that they are getting a fuck without cervical cancer consequences shot, just tell them it's a measles booster or something. Also, as a side note, if you are hoping that the threat of death from cervical cancer will keep your daughter chaste please check your priorities. A dead kid is not better than a live, unchaste kid. It's not.
