which_chick | (no subject)

I was entirely nonproductive today, spent the bulk of the day napping and reading trashy elf porn books (yes, indeed, those trashy elf porn books that I have previously discussed here and elsewhere). I had originally planned to do horse stuff but it turns out that staying up late and drinking and then sleeping fitfully and then getting up at 5:30 AM to drive three hours home, well, it's not good for productive. Perhaps tomorrow.

Anyway, I can't sleep now because the fuckwits in the valley are setting off fireworks. I expect it's too much to hope for that they might injure themselves in the pursuit of pyrotechnics so that I would be spared this fucking bullshit next year. Honestly, it's distracting as all hell.

Further souring my mood is the fact that I have located (and read) three of the four elf porn books I have at my disposal. (They are not, as a rule, particularly deep or boundary-pushing reads. The general thrust of them is somewhere on the pretending-to-have-plot porn spectrum and, as such, they're light reading that I can slurp down at a rate of three or four of them in a day.) This is a problem because the missing one is in the middle of what we would be calling the story arc, if there were plot. Since there isn't really plot to break up all the fucking, the missing book is in the middle of the book issuing sequence. This is annoying because in book 4 there are now characters that I can't accurately imagine due to them not having been appropriately described with the degree of loving and enthusiastic detail that I usually only ever see in fanfic. (All snark aside, mad propz to Ms. Hamilton for finding a way to get paid for what a surprising number of kinky women do for free.)

So I'm here with a rather incomplete set of elf porn books (If, having heard the phrase "elf porn book", you really feel you must avail yourself of this sort of reading material, the books start with A Stroke of Midnight and carry on through things like A Caress of Twilight and A Kiss of Shadows and Seduced by Moonlight. There are probably more, now. The titles are somewhat misleading because there is nobody named "Midnight" or "Shadows" or "Twilight" or whatever in the damn books. These are titles for ambience and the ONLY reason they do not include the word darkling is that the author has an editor who at least tries to make her use real words. The books are written by someone calling herself Laurell K. Hamilton and the fucking centers around one Meredith, Elf Princess (sorta) With a Destiny. I can't in good faith tell anyone to actually read these because they aren't in any way the sort of literature that will improve your mind, teach you something about the nature of men, or expand your general understanding of (a) humans or (b) elves. Real elves, if they fuck this much, are probably more discreet about it. Probably also they're discrete in their conjunctions instead of acting like a bunch of red-sided garter snakes. At least, I certainly hope so. The red-sided garter snake image isn't really working for me at all. ) which I have been reading off and on throughout the day because I wanted porn and felt too lazy to troll for fanfic. This isn't good porn, by any stretch of the imagination, but it works as porn in much the same way that Keystone Light works as a beer.

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Ye, there are at least two more available that I am aware of and have read by dint of checking them out of one of the local libraries.

They are book 5 - Mistral's kiss (there is actually a character called Mistral!)

and Book 6 - A Lick of Frost (and you should be familiar with Frost)

The writing does not improve, but for trashy elf porn what really do you expect.

We get to meet Mistral in book 4, rather abruptly and all of a sudden, in front of everybody (nearly) else. Frost, of course, we've seen early and often. *sigh* I've done the amount of looking I'm willing to do in order to find the missing volume and I've come up empty-handed. Maybe I'll stumble upon it later when again I am in the mood.

(And what the heck were you doing up at 11 PM? You're never awake that late...)

I took a nap midday, same as on the 4th, and that was pretty much the last thing I did before getting into bed.

It's rare, but it has been known to happen.

Lick of Frost, that's the last and good. And the next I'm looking forward to.

I don't *mind* them, obviously, but I'd like them better if there were more plot. The plot should advance. The world-building should expand. You can, obviously, continue to write the same book over and over, populated by a cast of elf men in My Little Pony color schemes, but this is the easy way out and the resulting product is about as nourishing as a bag of Cheetos. (Of course, sometimes what you want is Cheetos.)

In fairness, the only elves egregiously decorated in a My Little Pony color scheme, Rozenwyn and Pasco, melted into each other (not in a good way) in the hall of the abyss at the end of book 4. I give you, verbatim, the description of Pasco (Rozenwyn matches him): His skin was the color of soft spring lilacs, his knee-length hair the color of pink Easter-egg grass. Please to be comparing this color scheme with Petal Blossom (http://mlpland.com/?l=1&p=bekijk_pony&id=195). I rest my case.

Edited 2008-07-06 10:55 (UTC)

Lick of Frost advances the plot more than there is sex.

There is, however, a rape scene. Nasty.

Reading NCS doesn't bother me. I am actually way more squicked by RPS. I have broken down and ordered the books (used) off of amazon.com. No, I have no shame.

I didn't realize Ms Hamilton wrote elf-porn. I thought she wrote vampire and werewolf porn.

That was in her slightly more plotful series.

My ex-girlfriend loved Laurel K. Hamilton's books. She particularly liked the "Vampire Hunter" series. She convinced me to read one. I didn't care for it too much. The heroine was pretty cool, although a bit too unbelievable at times. All of the male heroes really disgusted me with their rakish and overly feminine qualities. It just seemed like the cliche romance story where the heroine falls for some guy(s) who totally doesn't have their shit together. Yet she's dying to fuck him because he's mysterious and has dark hair.

Anyway, I teased her a bit by calling it vampire porn. I think that series was much different than the elf porn you're referring too. The elf porn sounds more x-rated and probably more interesting.

The elf porn is pretty explicitly porn-ish. (They make them into audio books, I was horrified to discover. While I can happily *read* porn, I don't think I could listen to the stuff with a straight face.) I'd honestly like these books better if they were more intrigue and less fucking, but I'll take what I can get.

As for the explicitness of the porn, it's pretty explicit. However, it's still aimed at chicks. In fact, I was considering the other night how much the elf porn books remind me of Fushigi Yuugi only with more blowjobs, kink, and explicit sex. I haven't quite decided (and I don't think Ms. Hamilton has, either) who gets to be Tamahome in the elf porn books but Meredith is totally Miaka. :)