which_chick (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
which_chick) wrote2012-06-10 06:58 pm
which_chick) wrote2012-06-10 06:58 pm
(no subject)
Okay, and so I haven't posted anything in so long that you all thought I'd died or migrated permanently to Facebook, timeline or no. Fortunately for you, I have something to talk about at the moment. Bra fitting. Yep.
Bra fitting is a personal hell of mine. I don't really need a bra in the sense that some women need bras. I don't jiggle excessively and I don't sag (at 42, even) and my boobs mostly don't get in the way. I could, if I wanted, get away without a bra for everyday stuff. Except for the nipples, which are not subtle or unobtrusive. I do not have boobs like Barbie, smooth and unremarkable. If I do not wear a bra, people (men) comment on the nipples. They comment in a rednecky way because I live in a rednecky area. "Looks like SOMEONE is smugglin raisins" and "Did you leave the headlights on, honey?" and "Are you cold, or just happy to see me?" are (I am told) not valid reasons for manslaughter... so I wear a bra.
Mostly I wear cheap-ass "sports bras" that look like midriff-bearing tank tops made of spandex. I buy them at WalMart and they serve to dampen the nipple issue and flatten everything out for my everyday lifestyle. The WalMart sports bras are not flattering or aesthetic. They're really not suitable for evening wear or anything. On the off chance that I want to play dress-up, WalMart sports bras are not a foundation upon which to build a look. They're cheap and reasonably functional and that's about all one can hope for from them.
The reason I do not wear real bras is that I cannot stand how they fit. Everything I have ever seen regarding bra fitting puts me in a bra that is uncomfortable. No amount of strap tightening, chest mushing, jiggling, or cup-adjusting can make the damn things fit in a way that does not upset me. (Full disclosure: I always chalked this up to my personal issues rather than the failure of the bra industry to... wait for it support me.)
Example A: Measure around ribcage underneath boobs, snugly. OK. That's 32" on me. Now add 4" for your band size. Done. 36. Band size is 36. Measure around fullest part of breasts, loosely, keeping the tape horizontal. Done. That's 36". Subtract your band measurement from this measurement for a number. The number represents cup size, 0=AA, 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, 4=D. So I'm a 36 AA. Awesome. Except the bra doesn't fit. At all. Boobs do not fit in cups. Band is loose. This is a total fucking joke.... and it's the standard bra fitting advice on many websites.
Example B: Measure around ribcage underneath boobs, snugly. OK. That's 32" on me. Now add 2" for your band size. Done. 34. Band size is 34. Measure around fullest part of breasts, loosely, keeping the tape horizontal. Done. That's 36". Subtract your band measurement from this measurement for a number. The number represents cup size, 0=AA, 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, 4=D. So I'm a 34C (This should actually be a 34B -- math is hard.). The 34B does not fit either. Boobs are too big for cups. Boobs actually (hard to believe if you have ever met me) make the B cups runneth over, as it were.
At this long-ago juncture, I gave up and bought 34C bras because at least my boobs fit in the cups, so I figured that was as good as it got. So far, so good. But the back of the band rode up. Like, instantly. Back of band needed to be pulled down all the time. Bra was not entirely snug around band even on smallest hooks. Back of band rode up even when shoulder straps were loose. This was horrible, but at least it was a more realistic fit than Example A, wherein relatively large sections of boob are not even close to being in the bra. The "measure band and add two inches" rubric is also fairly standard bra fitting advice on teh internets.
Despite fit issues, for those occasions where I needed a "real" bra, I wore 34C's because that was at least sort of realistic. Not great, but y'know... bras are all uncomfortable anyway, right? I'd like to point out at this juncture that 34 is the smallest band size readily found in "regular" commerce -- WalMart, JC Penney, Sears, etc. There are sometimes 32A's but that's it for smaller band sizes unless you go to a boutique bra shop or order online or something. In real life, the bra sections of most department stores pretend that band sizes for women start at 34.
Note here that I AM NOT A WEIRDLY TINY PERSON. I am 5'7" tall and weigh between 150 and 160 lbs. I am in the "normal" range for BMI. I like to think of myself as "normal-sized". My ribcage just below my boobs is 32" around and (important) IT HAS BEEN THAT WAY SINCE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Here lately I read an essay by MyWifesBusty on reddit. It's here and I do suggest you go read the whole thing including the comments. Go on. I'll wait.
According to the measuring technique laid out by MyWifesBusty, I should be wearing a 32D. I need a 32 band and my boobs are 4" bigger than the band measurement and so that's a D cup. So sayeth the gospel of MyWifesBusty. My initial thoughts on this matter are reproduced here for your reading enjoyment: Really? I do not have D sized boobs. I don't. D's are like huge. I do not have huge boobs. My boobs are the opposite of huge. 32D cannot be correct.
So I read some more of the gospel according to MyWifesBusty. On the bra troubleshooting front, MWB says Band rides up in the back? (i.e. curves towards your neck, not parallel with the floor?) The band is too big, go down a band size. Note that if you go down a band size, you need to go up a cup size because cup size is RELATIVE to band size. A 36B has the same volume cup as a 34C, for example.
We will recall, from earlier on in this entry, that the "real bra" size I can sort of tolerate is a 34C. It's not right because the damn things ride up in the back. Like, all the fucking time. Constantly. That is, in point of fact, the problem we are trying to solve, here. Smaller band size is 32. Up one cup is D.
Unto which I said Hell to the no! I will prove this MyWifesBusty person wrong. And so it came to pass that I drove my ass to Altoona (nearest burg with a mall) and I went into the assorted bra stores in the mall, looking for a 32D to validate my fury with MyWifesBusty.
That little shopping trip was when I found out that 32D is a weird size not carried by basic clothing stores. How on earth was I supposed to ever be able to buy the right bra when the stores DID NOT ADMIT that band sizes went below 34? If the shelves don't have your size, EVERY BRA YOU TRY ON is going to fit craptacularly and you will never know better.
At this point, I was kind of wound up and pissy about the whole thing. In a huff, I visited The Tart Store (You know the one, has signature striped pink bags with pink ribbon handles and pink tissue paper and everything in the damn place is pink and smells like perfume. Tarts shop there. For tarty clothing.) which was the last un-visited bra-enabled store in the mall. The Tart Store did have, in some styles, 32D bras with minimal enough padding for me to consider buying them. (I refuse to wear much padding because it's like lying. I do not wish to have a life where I take off my bra and some dude is like That's it? They looked much bigger in the bra... because again, not a valid reason for manslaughter.)
I got some 32D bras and some 32C bras and some 34C bras and some 34D (LOL) bras. And I went to try them on to see what the hell worked. The sales person asked if I needed a fitting. I told her no.
32C: OMG, no freaking way. Boobs do not fit in cups. Boobs quad boob and that is so totally not a problem of mine. Band is snug, but rest of bra way too small.
34C: Same ride-up-in-back shit that we've seen before. Cup fit is pretty good.
34D: LOL.
32D: Like in Wizard of Oz when the movie changes from black and white to color. Like that.
I bought four, a hundred and thirty-two dollars of underwear. Three of the four are pink, the fourth is fucking apricot. (I have an aversion to zebra stripes and/or sequins, is why. The Tart Store didn't have white, beige, or black on display and I was further limited by the Cannot Have Any Lace rule.)
I wore one today. All day, a day in which I spent an hour pulling weeds out of the lower field, half an hour getting wood with Laur, three hours of yard work (including pressure-washing the siding on my house), and the damn thing has not moved an inch since I put it on this morning. It has not needed to be tugged, adjusted, pulled, shifted, or moved. Not once.
Well. Fuck me. Fuck me sideways.
If you are part of the bra-wearing population, do yourself a favor. Get a cloth tape and measure as directed by MyWifesBusty and just... just go TRY ON bras that are the size suggested by his method. Just try. Just to see. What can it possibly hurt?
Bra fitting is a personal hell of mine. I don't really need a bra in the sense that some women need bras. I don't jiggle excessively and I don't sag (at 42, even) and my boobs mostly don't get in the way. I could, if I wanted, get away without a bra for everyday stuff. Except for the nipples, which are not subtle or unobtrusive. I do not have boobs like Barbie, smooth and unremarkable. If I do not wear a bra, people (men) comment on the nipples. They comment in a rednecky way because I live in a rednecky area. "Looks like SOMEONE is smugglin raisins" and "Did you leave the headlights on, honey?" and "Are you cold, or just happy to see me?" are (I am told) not valid reasons for manslaughter... so I wear a bra.
Mostly I wear cheap-ass "sports bras" that look like midriff-bearing tank tops made of spandex. I buy them at WalMart and they serve to dampen the nipple issue and flatten everything out for my everyday lifestyle. The WalMart sports bras are not flattering or aesthetic. They're really not suitable for evening wear or anything. On the off chance that I want to play dress-up, WalMart sports bras are not a foundation upon which to build a look. They're cheap and reasonably functional and that's about all one can hope for from them.
The reason I do not wear real bras is that I cannot stand how they fit. Everything I have ever seen regarding bra fitting puts me in a bra that is uncomfortable. No amount of strap tightening, chest mushing, jiggling, or cup-adjusting can make the damn things fit in a way that does not upset me. (Full disclosure: I always chalked this up to my personal issues rather than the failure of the bra industry to... wait for it support me.)
Example A: Measure around ribcage underneath boobs, snugly. OK. That's 32" on me. Now add 4" for your band size. Done. 36. Band size is 36. Measure around fullest part of breasts, loosely, keeping the tape horizontal. Done. That's 36". Subtract your band measurement from this measurement for a number. The number represents cup size, 0=AA, 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, 4=D. So I'm a 36 AA. Awesome. Except the bra doesn't fit. At all. Boobs do not fit in cups. Band is loose. This is a total fucking joke.... and it's the standard bra fitting advice on many websites.
Example B: Measure around ribcage underneath boobs, snugly. OK. That's 32" on me. Now add 2" for your band size. Done. 34. Band size is 34. Measure around fullest part of breasts, loosely, keeping the tape horizontal. Done. That's 36". Subtract your band measurement from this measurement for a number. The number represents cup size, 0=AA, 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, 4=D. So I'm a 34C (This should actually be a 34B -- math is hard.). The 34B does not fit either. Boobs are too big for cups. Boobs actually (hard to believe if you have ever met me) make the B cups runneth over, as it were.
At this long-ago juncture, I gave up and bought 34C bras because at least my boobs fit in the cups, so I figured that was as good as it got. So far, so good. But the back of the band rode up. Like, instantly. Back of band needed to be pulled down all the time. Bra was not entirely snug around band even on smallest hooks. Back of band rode up even when shoulder straps were loose. This was horrible, but at least it was a more realistic fit than Example A, wherein relatively large sections of boob are not even close to being in the bra. The "measure band and add two inches" rubric is also fairly standard bra fitting advice on teh internets.
Despite fit issues, for those occasions where I needed a "real" bra, I wore 34C's because that was at least sort of realistic. Not great, but y'know... bras are all uncomfortable anyway, right? I'd like to point out at this juncture that 34 is the smallest band size readily found in "regular" commerce -- WalMart, JC Penney, Sears, etc. There are sometimes 32A's but that's it for smaller band sizes unless you go to a boutique bra shop or order online or something. In real life, the bra sections of most department stores pretend that band sizes for women start at 34.
Note here that I AM NOT A WEIRDLY TINY PERSON. I am 5'7" tall and weigh between 150 and 160 lbs. I am in the "normal" range for BMI. I like to think of myself as "normal-sized". My ribcage just below my boobs is 32" around and (important) IT HAS BEEN THAT WAY SINCE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Here lately I read an essay by MyWifesBusty on reddit. It's here and I do suggest you go read the whole thing including the comments. Go on. I'll wait.
According to the measuring technique laid out by MyWifesBusty, I should be wearing a 32D. I need a 32 band and my boobs are 4" bigger than the band measurement and so that's a D cup. So sayeth the gospel of MyWifesBusty. My initial thoughts on this matter are reproduced here for your reading enjoyment: Really? I do not have D sized boobs. I don't. D's are like huge. I do not have huge boobs. My boobs are the opposite of huge. 32D cannot be correct.
So I read some more of the gospel according to MyWifesBusty. On the bra troubleshooting front, MWB says Band rides up in the back? (i.e. curves towards your neck, not parallel with the floor?) The band is too big, go down a band size. Note that if you go down a band size, you need to go up a cup size because cup size is RELATIVE to band size. A 36B has the same volume cup as a 34C, for example.
We will recall, from earlier on in this entry, that the "real bra" size I can sort of tolerate is a 34C. It's not right because the damn things ride up in the back. Like, all the fucking time. Constantly. That is, in point of fact, the problem we are trying to solve, here. Smaller band size is 32. Up one cup is D.
Unto which I said Hell to the no! I will prove this MyWifesBusty person wrong. And so it came to pass that I drove my ass to Altoona (nearest burg with a mall) and I went into the assorted bra stores in the mall, looking for a 32D to validate my fury with MyWifesBusty.
That little shopping trip was when I found out that 32D is a weird size not carried by basic clothing stores. How on earth was I supposed to ever be able to buy the right bra when the stores DID NOT ADMIT that band sizes went below 34? If the shelves don't have your size, EVERY BRA YOU TRY ON is going to fit craptacularly and you will never know better.
At this point, I was kind of wound up and pissy about the whole thing. In a huff, I visited The Tart Store (You know the one, has signature striped pink bags with pink ribbon handles and pink tissue paper and everything in the damn place is pink and smells like perfume. Tarts shop there. For tarty clothing.) which was the last un-visited bra-enabled store in the mall. The Tart Store did have, in some styles, 32D bras with minimal enough padding for me to consider buying them. (I refuse to wear much padding because it's like lying. I do not wish to have a life where I take off my bra and some dude is like That's it? They looked much bigger in the bra... because again, not a valid reason for manslaughter.)
I got some 32D bras and some 32C bras and some 34C bras and some 34D (LOL) bras. And I went to try them on to see what the hell worked. The sales person asked if I needed a fitting. I told her no.
32C: OMG, no freaking way. Boobs do not fit in cups. Boobs quad boob and that is so totally not a problem of mine. Band is snug, but rest of bra way too small.
34C: Same ride-up-in-back shit that we've seen before. Cup fit is pretty good.
34D: LOL.
32D: Like in Wizard of Oz when the movie changes from black and white to color. Like that.
I bought four, a hundred and thirty-two dollars of underwear. Three of the four are pink, the fourth is fucking apricot. (I have an aversion to zebra stripes and/or sequins, is why. The Tart Store didn't have white, beige, or black on display and I was further limited by the Cannot Have Any Lace rule.)
I wore one today. All day, a day in which I spent an hour pulling weeds out of the lower field, half an hour getting wood with Laur, three hours of yard work (including pressure-washing the siding on my house), and the damn thing has not moved an inch since I put it on this morning. It has not needed to be tugged, adjusted, pulled, shifted, or moved. Not once.
Well. Fuck me. Fuck me sideways.
If you are part of the bra-wearing population, do yourself a favor. Get a cloth tape and measure as directed by MyWifesBusty and just... just go TRY ON bras that are the size suggested by his method. Just try. Just to see. What can it possibly hurt?