which_chick | (no subject)

The reason I am still playing is that I suck. I am not good at these sorts of games and I play them infrequently (an interval measured in years) so that I never get any better. I'm pretty ok with that, actually, but it means ya'll are in for rather a lot of updates about a ten year old video game. At least there's a good chance I'll be snarky. There's always room for snark.

Anyway, in case you are in the boneyard under the mistaken impression that three vials of holy water means you are supposed to kill the undead, get over it. You are not supposed to try to kill (banish? dissolve? set-to-rest?) all of the undead by way of shooting at them with your holy water arrows. Believe me, I tried. Repeatedly.

You are supposed to AVOID the zombies. You run faster than they do and you're smarter than they are and you can run right past them if you don't get all stupid and scared and Make Bad Choices like getting caught in narrow hallways with 'em. Also, zombies (in this game) cannot swim. Fall into the water and the zombies will not get you. They are not particularly good at stairs. Go up the stairs and the zombies cannot get you. (They can do ramps, which are around in this mission, but they generally don't unless you're standing Right There and taunting them or something.) The zombies are on the ground floor of the Halls of Echoing Repose (only makes sense to people familiar with the game, I know) and once you get up off the ground floor, they're mostly not a problem.

Special for Mark: In the realm of game designers leading players by the hand, at the end of this one, when you arrive at the place you've been trying to get to, faithful (if terse) narrator Garrett says "Good thing I'm not afraid of heights." I do not need that much help when I'm in a Very Important Room that contains NOTHING except for raised levels of walkways with ladders connecting same for as far up as I can see. You betcha I'm going to climb up. Climbing up is what I'm going to do. I could have gotten that one on my own, thanks.

Regular readers are probably aware that this has been mission 3.

Mission 1: Steal the Jeweled Scepter of Phallic Symbolism
Mission 2: Break Cutty Out of Jail / Find Felix's Map
Mission 3: Steal the Horn of Horniness
(I'm keeping a list. The official mission titles are more highbrow and stuff.)

We did not, as it turns out, blow the Horn of Horniness just for the fun of it. No. There was no blowing going on, it's not that sort of video game at all. Instead, we fenced the Horn of Horniness for money to buy lockpick tools. Now we're supposed to go break into the Hammerite temple and loot them for 1000Gp. That is the alleged and stated goal of the mission, which is (somewhat bewilderingly) entitled Assassins. Something tells me that we're not going to be stealing from the Hammerites, after all. (Damn.) I couldn't get the mission briefing to play (sometimes the movie parts don't play on my computer b/c wine burps on the codecs) but happily Youtube has it available so that all ya'll can hear the smooth-talkin' Garrett in all his joyful smugness. It's here.